I don’t even wanna do the regular routine of explaining why I’m so hype with y’all. I don’t even wanna give you the rundown of how we got here. I’m not going to tease y’all with appetizers, nah mean? I’ma get straight into the fucking main course. Not only the meat and potatoes, we straight into the endless breadsticks, and bottomless mimosas of it all, you feel me? We goin’ straight into this meal ’cause we ordering the whole left side of the menu and we might fuck around and get seconds.
I was on Twitter earlier, minding my damn business, when the universe saw it fit to bless me with the light of what’s to come. Now when I say the universe, I, of course, mean Beyoncé. We knew we were getting America Chavez in her own solo series. We knew that was coming but what we didn’t know is that Joe Quinones was going to drop Slay Day and have America Chavez AKA Bawse Ass Bae pay homage to the universe that is Beyoncé.
You crazy for this one, Joe! Y’all see this shit? You see how hard this shit is right now? That’s how you pay homage. That’s how you give back to the universe, (when I say universe, I, of course, mean Beyoncé). Look at America Chavez thriving right now. That’s the America I been trying to see. That’s the only America that’s been great from day one. *empties pockets* Oh I’m ’bout to be on one right here. We ’bout to get this shit in right here. You not gon’ drop my fave character, my Top 5 Dead or Alive up in that remixed Formation homage and think I’m not about to talk my shit. Let’s get it!
*DEEP INHALE*
America Chavez did not come to play with you fanboys, she came to make Marvel’s feminism intersectional!
Look at Chavez modeling the America we voted for back in ’08 attire.
Look at Chavez’s melanin poppin’ off like the Crisco Missy Elliot was talking ’bout in the Sock It To Me music video.
Look at Chavez being so New York she gotta rock the top hat like a low fiddy cap.
Look at Chavez busting out the Peggy Carter 1946 red velvet Besame Cosmetics lipstick.
Look at Chavez being the history book we need and deserve.
Look at Chavez knowing they gonna cosplay this outfit a Comic-Con from now on.
Ya girl lookin’ like, “tread on me and see what happens.”
Ya girl lookin’ like, “You ’bout to get five fifths of these fists.”
Ya girl lookin’ like, “Suzanne B who? Honey, this is Ida B. Well(s)-alright now.”
Ya girl lookin’ like Audre Lorde of the Rangs.
Ya girl lookin’ like Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie left her a voicemail for this one.
Ya girl lookin’ like Selena Quintanilla-Pérez’s unlocked alternate concert costume.
Chavez walkin’ round in American Apparel.
Chavez walkin’ round draped in the Hamilton Mixtape.
Chavez walkin’ round twirlin’ her dress sayin’ “I ain’t burn the flag, I turned it out”
Chavez walkin’ round like the Millennial’s Lady Liberty.
Chavez walkin’ round like, “Hold up! They don’t tax you like I tax you”
Chavez walkin’ round like she trying to make it onto the fifty dollar bill.
Chavez walkin’ round with the Ghostface Killa’s Wonder Woman arm around her neck.
Chavez walkin’ round with the Birdman hand rub round her neck.
Chavez Walkin’ round with the Nat Geo version of a Jesus piece.
Chavez walkin’ round like she got a bone to pick with Amy Schumer for that Formation parody.
Chavez walkin’ round like, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of fuckshit.”
Chavez walkin’ round like, “No Republican presidency formed against me shall prosper.”
Chavez walkin’ round like, “Beyoncé is my shepherd, no edges shall I know.”
My womans and dem Monica Rambeau off to the side like, “who the fuck else you thought it’s supposed to be?”
Monica made sure she brought the locks back for this one.
Monica made sure the good side got caught on film even though she Black on Both Sides immaculate.
Monica looking like she ’bout to dump the tea, spill the tea, and sip the tea all at once.
*side eyes Carol Danvers*
Girl, you got a lot of nerve showing up after your whole Civil War II fiasco.
Carol Danvers only here ’cause Misty Knight had a gig.
Carol Danvers only here ’cause Kate Bishop was running late.
Carol Danvers only here to remind readers that 58% white women be on that other shit.
Carol Danvers only here to get her ass written BACK in character after she drops a “Let Kelly Sue DeConnick Down” track.
America Chavez out here having Kolin Capernick stand up to salute a real one.
America Chavez out here punching Nazis to the Cowboy Bebop beat.
America Chavez out here vogue’n in the middle of a square dance routine.
America Chavez out here replacing Uncle Sam posters, sayin, “I want you… to stop with the racism, sexism, misogyny, transphobia, homophobia, Islamophobia, glass ceilings, unequal pay, white privilege, male privilege, appropriation, and acoustic covers of hip-hop bops.”
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