Welcome to Hotel Artemis, Where Criminals Get Better Healthcare Than You Probably Do

The cast for this criminal concept is top tier
Thank God for the Sinners

Los Angeles 2028: America has dovetailed, pretty much to absolutely no one’s surprise given the current political climate and there’s no such thing as an honest living out on those streets. Thankfully, for those engaging in less than legal acts there is a specialized criminal enterprise that runs a nice little hotel and hospital for those who need their discretion. But despite the description, this isn’t a spin-off featuring a sister location of the Continental from John Wick. Nah, we’re checking in at the Hotel Artemis today.

Hotel Artemis

The directorial debut of Drew Pearce (writer of IRON MAN 3, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – ROGUE NATION, SHERLOCK HOLMES 3) has a simple enough premise. Sterling K. Brown is a dashing bank robber who after his latest heist, finds himself injured and in need of a stay at the titular Hotel Artemis, run by none other than Jodie Foster. The hospital features a comprehensive health care coverage provided you can prove your membership and it only stings a little that criminals have a more reliable insurance plan when it comes to emergency care.

Yet, what our favorite bank robber doesn’t know is that he stole a miniature vault that’s worth so much more money than he anticipated and now some folks are coming to collect, Hotel Artemis’ policies be damned. Jeff Goldblum wants his money back.

Fleshing out the cast, you got Sofia Boutella (who you probably remember from Atomic Blonde or the Kingsman films) as your typical femme fatale type, Dave Bautista as an orderly, Brian Tyree Henry as Sterling K. Brown’s friend, Charlie Day, and Zachary Quinto.

Hotel Artemis

It looks ridiculous, which is exactly what I want from a movie like this. There’s a moment in the trailer where Sterling K. Brown decides that in lieu of a plan, a 3D-printed gun will more than suffice. There’s a moment where Charlie Day gets threatened with a coffee cup by Sofia Boutella. There’s lots of fire and explosions and flashy action sequences. It looks like it’s gonna be a fun summer blockbuster that fulfills a very particular niche of organized underground criminal healthcare industry action thriller. I’m game.

Hotel ArtemisHotel Artemis

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  • Mikkel Snyder is a technical writer by day and pop culture curator and critic all other times.

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