Okay. Okay… okay. Are we good? Are we ready to talk this shit one time? Are we ready to dive headfirst into this old west fantasy world fleekness? Okay. If you can’t tell, I don’t even know where to start this shit, yo. So here we are, The Dark Tower, Stephen King’s eight book collection and self-titled Magnum Opus. And it ain’t like King ain’t dense already. But eight books of mind-melding fantasy principles, my gunslinger? Sheeeeeeiit.
Now, I say all that shi to say that if you think you are getting a “faithful” movie adaptation of the books, you out your gotdamn mind, fam. This shit been called impossible to adapt and that’s probably right, so what we getting, is a movie heavily inspired by the Dark Tower. Which, for the record, still sounds dope. But most people that have read the Dark Tower series can’t explain that shit to you without suffering some mind meld that leaves them curled in the corner moaning “Hodor Hodor” afterwards, so the this version is probably about the right speed anyway.
Like, I could try to explain the arc of Jake Chambers to you in the book and that thing with the mountain and the mid-world and the wastelands, but I planned on being productive and can’t afford to put myself in a coma this early in the day. And is this dude supposed to be Jake Chambers in the trailer? Cuz that New York looks a lot newer than 1977. But…ya know what, nevermind.
Aiight, with that out the way, let’s get into this trailer and by get into this trailer, let’s look at Idris Elba being a complete baddass with the twin six shooters. Your boy out here with the magic RELOAD AND DO THE CABBAGE PATCH. I mean, there’s other shit in this trailer, but is there anything else more relevant than Stringer Bell going Avon Barksdale in the fantasy streets?!?! I would say that I’m cosplaying as movie version Roland the Gunslinger at NYCC, but being a large Black Man and a trench coat and twin six shooters in America is like updating your will and telling your family you love them one last time before you walk out the door. I’m just saying, if I do run that cosplay, then someone be sure to finish all the character stories on my Injustice 2 Save (don’t worry about Nightwing, cuz I’m probably running that one first).
Anyways, I guess we should talk about McConaughey playing the Man in Black, which actually is a decent casting. The initial rumors were that Deacon Matthew was going to play Roland, but they went with the sinister and charismatic White dude for the villain SO I AIN’T ALL THAT MAD, FAM.
Now, putting the book faithful ness aside, this shit look lightweight flames. Like bonfire in the woods and keep you warm while you camping, but probably not quite the Madara “Majestic Fireball Jutsu” flames. But real talk. Idris out here getting his Spike Spiegel on fam. That’s probably enough for me.