I Left My Cubicle To Watch ‘The Avengers: Infinity War’ Trailer in The Bathroom At Work and Regret Nothing

It started as an idea…

Look fam, LOOK. Even the most diehard comic book and film fans can admit that the oversaturation is here. Comic book movies and TV shows pop up everywhere these days more than sympathetic essays on hate groups. Every week there’s an announcement, another obscure character getting a live action treatment. And look, we’re mostly here for it cuz the game watered down so much, there’s no longer pressure for us diehards to indulge everything that drops cuz it ain’t slowing down anyway.

But this shit right here? This shit right here my Avenger?!?! Nah fam, we bout to sit back, find the biggest wine glass you got in the cabinet in the living room that you weren’t allowed to go in as a kid, and drink all this good Infinity in.

First of all, this, this is how you do large scale action and consequence. This is what all-out war in the comic book universe should look like. Your shit shouldn’t be just decorated with lots of CG parademons with the color pallet from Ghostbusters II splashed on the backdrop. This shit look like the world is literally ending. STAKES Y’ALL. STAAAAAAKES. And everybody here, fam. Ayebody.

Banner seems to have come back after he was scared the Hulk straight jacked him for his consciousness. Black Widow Blonde Hair Don’t Care. Tony Stark hoodies up. Doctor “something in the temporal Strange for Some Change” back. Vision and Scarlett trying to get that Danielle Steel romance novel popping off. As the great philosopher and poet Lester Freamon once said, “All The Pieces Matter.”

But yo, these ain’t just pretty faces in the crowd, b. Real shit is actually happening. Peter Parker Spidey Sense is Finally in the Muthafuckin Building! Vision Getting Ran for His Jewels Doe?!?! Thanos just dropping stones in the gauntlet like they Pandora charms or some shit. Bucky Barns with two arms, lock and loading on the battlefield? Loki doing what Loki does and handing off the cube (to Thanos probably). But wait. WAIT.

“GET THIS MAN HIS SHEILD” – T’Challa Da Ruler

When the king speaks, you better listen to that shit! Here come Steve Rogers, lookin’ like he been working on a construction rig for the last year or so. Your boy lookin’ like he been in witness protection or whatever folks probably classified as domestic terrorists look like that been hiding out from the government. This shit too raw man.

I can’t take it. Actually nah, I’m here for ALL OF IT. And the kiss goodnight on this shit? Is that Okoye in the Vanguard? Is that her running with the Avengers up in this muthafucka?!?! AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH. Bast, deliver me.

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  • William is the Editor-In-Chief, leader of the Black Knights and father of the Avatar. With Korra's attitude, not the other one.

  • Show Comments

  • LayDeeBlue

    I didn’t even LEAVE MY CUBE!!! EF’EM!! LMAO!!!! #May2018 #Marvel #AVENGERS #JusticeWho

  • Evil Ninja (@EvilNinjaX24)

    SO. MUCH. GOODNESS. I got chills – watching the trailer AND reading this. My hype is overwhelming.

  • WD

    Excellent as always. One question: No shout out to the Guardians?!
    Lol

  • Brooklynshoebabe

    I.Am.Ready. Here’s my paycheck Disney. You got me for February, March and May. I’m here for this.

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