Top 5 Dead Or Alive: Mario (Nintendo)

I mean… look at the name..look at the title..do I really gotta pen an intro for this shit? You said yeah? Ok, I thought the headline was self explanatory, but trusss mi daddi yall need this Top 5 in your life. Soooo *ahem ahem* fuck it, lemme get on my Yeezy shit for a spell.

ACT LIKE YOU AREN’T IN THE PRESENCE OF THE HEART OF THE ENTIRE GAMING INDUSTRY RIGHT NOW! ACT LIKE YOU AIN’T HAVE THAT SUPER MARIO BROS 3 JAMMED IN THE NES FOR BOUT THREE SUMMERS! THE GAMING INDUSTRY GONNA ACT LIKE THEY AIN’T BASED THEIR WHOLE SHIT, THEIR WHOLE LIFESTYLE OFF MY MAN MARIO..EVERYTHING IS SUPER MARIO! MODERN SIDE SCROLLING PLATFORMERS, THAT’S SUPER MARIO! NINTENDO, THAT’S MARIO! WHO GOT YOU OUTCHEA COLLECTING ALL THE AMIIBO’S N SHIT, EVEN THOUGH THOSE THINGS SERVE NO REAL PURPOSE? THA’T MARIO!

THIS MAN IS THE HEART OF THE MOTHERF@$%#$@ NERD CULTURE, FOR YOU CULTURE VULTURES! THIS THE ONLY CAT WHO CAME IN THE GAME IN 85′ & STILL BLESSIN’ THE MASSES WITH BANGERS 30 YEARS LATER & THAT’S WHY I STAND NEXT TO THE HOMIE. THIS TOP 5 IS FOR THE CULTURE! FOR ALL THESE  COMPANIES TRYING TO STEAL THE CULTURE, THE ONE’S DROPPING SEASON PASSES THAT COST AS MUCH AS THE DAMN GAME. THE ONE’S THAT SHIP OUT THESE BROKEN GAMES AT LAUNCH. THE ONE’S THAT DROP DLC 6 MONTHS BEFORE THE GAME EVEN HITS SHELVES, IT’S MOTHERF@$$#^& MARIO!

NOW BOW IN THE PRESENCES OF GREATNESS.
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1) “But the real shit you get when you bust down my lines. Add that to the fact I went plat’ a bunch of times. Times that by my influence on pop culture. I’m supposed to be number one on everybody list. We’ll see what happens when I no longer exist”
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In the early 1980’s, the gaming industry was at a pivotal stage in getting their home consoles in the living room of every household. Gaming wasn’t as popular as it is now, so due to the economic downturn developer after developer met their demise. By God’s good grace, Nintendo was able to weather the storm under the success of their 1983 console, the Famicon. Wanting to make the push over to the U.S. the Famicom got a rebrand to what is now known as the NES. Drawing inspiration from prior projects, Nintendo released Super Mario Bros in 1985. Super Mario Bros. may not have been the first platformer, but it’s by far the most successful and is the archetype that all games in the genre would later follow.

Super Mario Bros single handedly saved gaming culture in the 80’s and it’s no big surprise that developers fall over themselves to pay homage to the King any chance they get no matter which genre.. Over the years, Mario’s influence has transcended far beyond gaming. He’s helped turn Nintendo into an industry leader and in the process also become a cultural icon.

2) “Numbers don’t lie, check the scoreboard.”
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I’m just gonna say this and keep it moving. Your boy Mario is a God given natural athlete. It’s the only explanation for a portly plumber to be able to do the things he can do. Let’s see, Mario has mastered tennis, golf, basketball, baseball, hockey, volleyball, go-kart racing (if Nascar says it’s a sport, it’s a sport), dodgeball and soccer (Yo the Mario Strikers Series is lowkey the gem in the Mario sports series, but that’s a discussion for another day). Listen fam, my man is a proven Olympian. You see that Mario & Sonic: At The Olympics cover? Homie keeping up with the “fastest thing alive” without breaking a sweat. Hate to break it to ya Sonic, but your fast ain’t fast enough fam.

Mario is not only a natural born athlete, but a natural born winner too. Homie has managed to turn something as simple as a board game into one of the most intense gaming experiences you’ll ever face. I’m still bitter at a homie over an “L” I took in Mario Party 2 game back from 2001 b. Travis if you’re reading this I know you cheated when I went to the bathroom. You ain’t gotta lie, Craig!

3) “I’m in the Mushroom Kingdom homie, ask for me. I ain’t never scared. I’m everywhere, you ain’t never there. And playa, why would I ever care? Pound-for-pound, I’m the best to ever come around here.”
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Bruh, while we’re on the subject of Mario’s uncanny natural athletic abilities. Who the hell taught your boy how to throw hands bruh?!! Do they teach you how to issue fades in the trade school Mario went to get his plumber’s license?  Jumpman, Jumpman, Jumpman, them boys up to somethin’!  Mario & Luigi stay having the Mushroom Kingdom looking like Streets of Rage on any given night. Those are some wild boys right there, no Machine Gun Kelly. Jumping on Goomba’s and fighting fire breathing turtle dragon’s is one thing, but homie has shown through four volumes of Smash Bros that them hands are rated E for everybody. I’ve done seen Mario straight up embarrass some folks with a smile on his face in some of the most heartbreaking SSB matches. That cape move is legendary and homie can legit bend it like Beckham and kick the coins out your pocket.

4)”First I had they ear, now I have their heart. Games done came and went,
I’ve been here from the start. Seen’em put it together, watched them take it apart. “

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On a serious note, if anyone gets a hold of ill fan art of Mario/Luigi reenacting the OB4CL cover please send that my way. The Mario/Luigi, Rae/Ghost parallels are uncanny.

Mario has proven to be gaming’s most enduring character, but what exactly makes him special for so many gamers? The answer is simple, consistency. The Mario series has been consistent since its inception and has either maintained or improved upon it’s predecessor from console to console. The NES/SNES classics built the foundation, the N64 launched with the best game in the series, the Gamecube era more or less continued what worked without ruining it, and the modern age titles have proven that Mario is still holds weight in the street. That kind of longevity isn’t something to take lightly considering that  Sega turned it’s mascot into a Were-hog at one point. With each passing game Mario has had an unprecedented win streak and continues to hit new heights. Not bad for a plumber.

5) “Do you fools even play games or just watch walkthroughs?”
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How does Mario hold up against the the current first person shooter dominated climate? Simple. Nintendo make’s games that the whole family can enjoy. 30 years in the game and people are still responding to it. From the younger generation, to the casuals, to the try-hards, to the long time gamers and to the competitive crowd. It’s something about playing a Mario game that takes you back to a simpler time. Plus, unlike most games that come out nowadays, Mario games are actually made to be played and have fun with.At the end of the day it’s up to the gamers themselves to decide if they’re still down to ride for the jolly Italian plumber or not. Whether it’s another 30 years from now or even 100 years. I bet you can put Mario Kart 8 on and the function will go up! And at the end of the day, that’s what really matters. The game’s still the same, it just got more fierce.

Listen people let me drop these bars and then I’ll sign off. The Mario franchise has grown with the industry. The original Mario Bros was a simple arcade game that gradually matured into something deeper. It innovated what a platformer could be, then it helped show what a successful 3D game could be. The Mario series has always had a lot of depth to it. There wasn’t just one good Mario RPG or one good Mario sports game. What series you know held franchises within their franchise and damn near all of them were flames? Ryu ain’t giving you an role playing game bruh. Sub Zero doesn’t race karts. Mega Man has never squared off against Sonic in the Olympics and let’s face it, Pac-Man isn’t taking time out his schedule to teach you to type. Whatever you’re looking for, Mario has it. All you have to do is pick your poison.

He even put his whole team on, Luigi outchea eatin. Yoshi is doing his thing and that giant ape who tried to kill him? They squashed the beef. They’re cool now, and even broke bread. Now DK has his own franchise to tend to. With each title, Mario took us on a journey, and yeah, so did other games; but we have Mario to thank for our gaming experiences more so than anyone else.  Mario is the reason video games are real, respected and acknowledged. He was our gateway into gaming culture, and it’s time to pay our respects.

Raise the jersey in the rafters one time for your boy.

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