Top 5 Dead or Alive: Superman (DC Comics)

Since the trailer for Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice dropped at San Diego Comic Con, the number of registered Bat-fans has been on an upswing, allowing for the Dark Knight’s popularity to skyrocket as inexplicably as Donald Trump’s poll numbers. This seemed like a better time than any to share a few reasons why, no matter how Batfleck tricks his car out, The Man of Steel STILL reigns supreme. 1). “These other cats ain’t metaphorically where I’m at, man/I gave Bruce Wayne a valium, said chill your f**kin ass down/I’m ready for calm, Batman….get it? Combat, man?”

First of all, he only ever lets Batman win because if he didn’t, there’d be nobody to pay for their base and all the shit him and the rest of the Justice League destroy in fights. This is the fight nobody ever talks about. Superman took every single move Batman had in his book with a smile on his face. Now, just think of what would happen if he was actually trying. Let’s be real, folks. Batman’s power is essentially thinking (and white privilege…I mean, I can’t even cosplay while black). He’s Sherlock Holmes with more money and a paranoid obsessive complex and that’s great. But if we’re calling a spade a spade, Superman can physically act faster than Batman can think to do anything. If he really wanted to, he could use his heat vision to sniper shot the World Greatest Detective from orbit. And don’t even try telling me “Well, Superman’s too nice for that.” If they’re coming to blows in the first place and we’…