You know when a song comes out and you not really fucking with it? Then the remix comes out and your like oh… okay this goes hard. Then your fave artist drops their remix and you flip the table? You at work bouncing to the ridic of it with the disgusted pleased face?
Yeah, that’s Spider-Man Homecoming, the third remix and Marvel is your fave that just handed in their 16 bars. They big mama’d Sony on some, lemme check your homework shit. Lemme make sure the math adds up shit. That shit looked good and they shouted “PUT IT OUT, YE'”.
Sony was showing they ass in class and gotta hold Marvel pockets (not you though, Andrew Garfield. You more than good, baby. You get another 30 minutes of recess, brethren.) It looks like the third time is the charm, man. Look at that story being told, man. *grabs your face* Look at it! Do you see?! Do you see?!
We got Peter Parker aka Parks & Wrecks going through high-school (yet again), but more believable this time as Tom Holland is younger but also has Tony Stark in a role that’s more of a producer than mentor. In this setting, Stark is like MC Search from 3rd Base and Parker is Nas. We’re getting a story from Spider-Man that’s requiring him to prove himself in the field, but that cast though, man. This is an interesting take in having Parker being this much younger than Tony Stark and in this type of relationship (even though it’s another homage to Civil War when Peter was on Tony’s side and copped that Iron Spider suit). I’m fucking here for it though. Look at that cast flourishing, fam. Lizzie Allen looking glorious, Peter’s got a friend that’s going to be his new bestie (who looks really similar to Miles’s friend Ganke but you ain’t hear me say shit). Zendaya got us wondering if she is MJ, Gwen Stacy, or someone else entirely.
Now do you see your boy Tom Holland out here getting Petey Parks stunting on these villains? Out here making jokes, making villains look stupid with the And-1 Spyda tricks on ’em. That’s that Spider-Man right there. That’s how you Spider-Man. From now on that’s how you Spider-Man. My man bout to be the goat Spider-Man fam. This kid personifies Peter Parker to the fullest. Mannerisms, humor, pathos. That’s what the fuck I’m talking ’bout.
Yes, Lord. I say thee yaaaaas. I wish my moms was here to see this glory, yo. We always been a Spider-Man family ever since she got sick and my brother slapped a Spider-Man sticker on her mirror before running off to school saying, “Don’t worry mom. Spider-Man will protect you while I’m gone.” Spider-Man will protect us yo, Spider-Man: Homecoming will give our memories the validation they need for having suffered the original Sony Spider-Man trilogy (Amazing Spider-Man you did the damn thing. Let no one tell you different).
The Vulture is an interesting choice for villain, but you know what, Michael Keaton is good with the bird gang so fuck it. If that’s what he wants to do, you know the homie good for it. The costume was looking incredible, too. I’m with it to see what he brings to the character. I’m with all of this shit, man. Give it to me now. All of it. Keep in mind we haven’t even seen Hannibal Buress yet; we got a glimpse of Donald Glover, but is he a villain? He’s standing next to a sci-fi choppa being blasted. *Kanye voice* We don’t knooooow! So many questions, so many more cast members to see!
This is only trailer one and they already got me feeling like Achilles, man. I’m walking round the apartment looking for more characters while shouting, IS THERE NO ONE ELSE?! *Switches over to Gladiator* ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?! IS THIS NOT WHAT WE
SUFFERED THROUGH WATCHED KIMMEL LIVE FOR?! IS THIS NOT WHAT WE STREAMED ONLINE FOR?!
Flow bananas, here, peel this back.”- J. Cole