In Defense of Train Wrecks: ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ Second Trailer Breakdown

I’m not sure what the pitch meeting for the movie treatment of Sonic the Hedgehog looked like, but I imagine it went something like this: O, to love anything like Marie Kondo loves cleaning or the execs at Paramount love cocaine. 2019 has been a weird year, y’all. We’ve left the arguments of whether or not water is wet in the past, we killed (several) Avengers, we danced down a staircase in the Bronx, and we got not one, but two trailers for a Sonic the Hedgehog film. As is the case with most video game movies (we Stan Rampage in this house), I was fully expecting a car crash. As with all video game movies (I say, while still Stanning Rampage in this house), that’s exactly what the first Sonic trailer showed us. Anyone who has ever been in a car with me knows I’m all about that noise so I was ready to go and GO FAST. The original trailer for the movie was, to be kind, an unmitigated disaster. The long dancer’s legs. The teeth. The Coolio! Is it weird that the use of “Gangster’s Paradise” disturbed my sleep more than this? It was a mess of the messiest order and frankly, I was HERE FOR IT. Fans of the series, myself notwithstanding, were not so much. There was outrage and fury the likes of which the internet had never seen that week and so the studio promised to make some fixes. You may notice at this point that I have no link to the original trailer. There’s a reason for that: it was pulled. From all sources. I spent an hour googling, and nada. If not for Twitter, I’d have no…