A Scientific Analysis of Disney Movie Sidekicks Through The Lens Of Hip Hop

Let’s face the facts: Disney movies generally exist to tell an entire world of young children that in most cases, women who are often literal royalty still can’t get anything they desire without the help of male sidekicks. Some of the sidekicks can’t even speak. And yet there they are, scene stealing, taking the lead vocals over all the hottest production, getting on licensed merchandise and shit. The Disney male sidekick ego and purpose can only be matched by one other group: Rappers. After months of weighing scientific evidence, I have found the rapper who matches the personality and contributions of ten prominent Disney sidekicks. I believe this to be my life’s proudest work. I didn’t want to have children before taking on this painstaking and beautiful process. Now, I hope for many, many children. Just so I can have something to show them. Until then, I hope this makes you proud. Zazu (The Lion King ) – Lupe Fiasco I’m not here to say whether or not I rock with Zazu, I’m just stating facts. Zazu was always a little overzealous, if we’re being honest. He couldn’t ever just let stuff slide. The downside of always having your ear to the streets is tricking yourself into believing that the streets always need your input, often in the form of long, drawn out speeches. Also, let’s be clear: just because you have the ability to string together a few bars and sing the morning news, doesn’t mean you actually NEED to sing the morning news. This is the jungle. Shit is as real as it …