Zombie Fighting Team: Reality TV Star Edition

I think before we get into any of this I should say I have no intention or desire to live in any post-apocalyptic world. White folks are bat shit crazy now and we technically live in a civilized society in one of the most powerful and progressive nations in the world. I also think white folks don’t know what most of those words mean but love to use em, but that’s a story for another platform. In my ideal scenario, I break into some celebrity’s house and off myself while floating in their pool in a fur of an animal I can’t spell. BUT, if I was required to go all Woody Harrelson on a motherfucking undead ass motherfucka with my hand picked team of reality TV show stars (because apparently I was set up to be a Wayans brothers film without the racism), these are the people I would choose. Team Lead/Mastermind: Bear “Motherfucking” Grylls from Man vs. Wild Like, if there was a draft pick for survival teams and anyone passed up Bear, they’d deserve to be eaten while taking a dump in a Marathon bathroom. Hell yeah I’ll take the white man that maroons himself for fun in dangerous places for my entertainment and education.

Bear gone have us set up with fire, clean water (or distilled piss) and shelter before I even finish looting all the stores that wouldn’t let my Black ass in a few weeks prior. I don’t care what this white man says short of calling me a n**** or Nubian princess, I am fucking doing it. I hate when you’re watching a movie and the soon to be dead person starts questi…