Season: 3/ Episode: 5 / Cinemax
Alright, at this point I’m convinced that if we were to walk in on the writing and production team for Banshee, we’d open the door and get hit with a huge cloud of smoke rushing out the room (fog machine) and see everyone standing in a circle clapping rhythmically with someone in the middle shouting “These fan(shees) think they know whats comin’ in episode 5? Nah son. You know what we bout to cop? Ratings B. You know what we bout to deliver? Excellent story telling and mutha fucking pathos. Who got pathos like us in the game right now? NOBODY! the meeting then ends with everybody doing the “Otis” high note then shouting out “WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!”. All of which is to say, this episode is sicker than whatever the fuck you got on your DVR right now!
We open up in the hardest city in America at the police station with Lucas Hood sayin, “Wait… *hears music in the background* Does anyone else hear that outside? Somebody bumpin Jay?” then Hood realized it was the “U Don’t Know” remix ft M.O.P. and told everybody to hit the fucking deck as Chayton Littlestone is outside shouting
“AND MUTHA FUCKING WE COMIN’ //
A HUNDRED MILES AND GUNNING!!!”
before getting underway with his indie sequel to “Assault On Precinct 13” and proceeding to empty clip after clip of bullets at the police department.
Hood makes sure his bae Siobhan is good, then bear crawls to make sure his work wife Alma is good cause he still don’t know shit about filling out police reports. God help Chayton if she’s hurt cause he’ll have no one to talk to about Scandal & Barefoot Contessa with anymore. The Redbones try to advance but didn’t know Hood upgraded the Police precinct with the “Batman Batcave Protocol” security plan package as he hits the button and steel doors come down.
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While everyone is checking to see if they’re hurt, we see American History X (the guy whose body is riddled with Nazi tats & tramp stamps) take his shirt off to inspect his wound but pulls everyone’s eyes on him. He busts out his “Hey guys..uhhh… funny story about this whole Nazi shit” before running off midway through it. Alison and Brock looking at each other like, “Who invited this dude to the shoot out?” Hood knows Chayton wants Proctor & Billy Raven but he tells Raven “I don’t give a fuck if Chayton wants you or your damn autograph? He ain’t gettin shit cause we squad. Squad means family. Squad means no one gets left behind or forgotten.”.
Hood: Now, We need to get to the armory.
AHX: *returns* Yeah, I took the liberty of smashing the lock and grabbing the guns since dude outside getting his Call of Duty: Modern Warfare multi-player on.
Hood: You’re that American History X guy that wanted a job right? Fuck is ya name again?
AHX: Kurt Bunker, Sir.
Hood: You’re fucking hired. …But I’m still going to refer to you as American History X.
After initiating a new legislation in the precinct for …Ex-Neo Nazi Non discriminatory Action? Proctor’s lawyer Sperling starts fuckboying (complaining) about releasing him due to shit be officially fucked up now. Hood says, “Nah I’m good” then directs him to either go to the basement with the rest of the civilians or pick up the burner and get ready to clap back.
Yassss DA Alison with the “Patriarchy / misogyny” upper cut and Brock correcting the male privilege all in the middle of a fucking battle zone? That’s what I’m talking bout. Being that there is no gate for the door in the basement, Hood has AHX go down to guard it. He wants Alison to go too and gets the top shelf side eye but Alison says, alright but if this shit happens to go off on the American History X stunt double it ain’t my fault. Chayton starts calling out Hood’s name like Achilles did Hector in Troy except he wants to negotiate.
Chayton: Look, gimme Billy Raven and Proctor as well as my boys Nas and Tate, and we square.
Hood: Ehhhhhh…..I’m good. I aint really trying to kill more Redbones, I mean ya bro was a high score and we ain’t even want it. Wasn’t that enough?
Chayton: Oh…oh we doing this? Right now white boy?
Hood: I’m just sayin ya shoulda had his back better… oh and fuck ya life by the way.
Yo, Hood and his shit talkin’, man. This guy must have been nasty with the recess joke-offs back in high school. The gang gets the power cut on them then go down to the back up generator. Chayton decides to stunt on these mofos and calls out a fucking Gatling gun which tears a hole through the gate, one of his dudes inside, and then the back of Sperling’s head as he tried to free Proctor. Alison caught all of Sperling’s last thoughts on her shirt and backed up into the Redbones’ cell an gets caught in a choke hold via one dude’s arm through the bars. Proctor frees himself, takes Alison’s gun and walks by her gettin’ the Million Dollar Dream sleeper sayin’,”Daaaaamn that shit look uncomfortable” before turning around to shoot dude choking her cause he’s an asshole but he ain’t trying to be labeled as THAT type of asshole.
Hood gets Billy to cover him as he racks up them Call of Duty kills jumping in the line of fire and copping a head-shot kills then covering up the hole with file cabinets. We then see Hood walk into the next room to find Proctor guarding the door as the Redbones attempt to take it off the hinges with a truck. Hood realizing they are in Co-op mode for real, makes sure their beef is on pause before passing Kai a clip as they press the start button and start merkin Redbones like they were playing Time Cop in a theater arcade.
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Alison hits the basement still wiping pieces of Sperling’s thoughts out her shirt with some club soda and sees American History X who can feel her burning a hole through him. He starts up about being a changed man and we learn that Alison saw men just like him knock her pops into a coma and ain’t spare here either an asks AHX what made him need to put his hate on blast all over his body. AHX goes in about his father being abusive and the friend that made him stop.
Meanwhile Brock is going ape shit over Proctor being allowed to press the start button but that gets shut down as them Redbones come in a blazing toward the downstairs door. American History X is able to get a few shots off but gets clipped something nasty and is about to get that up close good night when he gets the save from none other than The Bae-day DA Alison Medding getting her Harvey Dent on with the choppa.
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After basement (no) gate, Hood decides to go out himself to end this then Proctor says,
Proctor: *sigh* Ughhh, I’ll go. If I don’t make it. Stay away from Rebecca.
Hood: Oh, yeah put me on blast even though that was so season one and I’m in a relationship. That’s cool.
Proctor: If I do make it? Laaaaaawd, I’ma go Mario Kart Blue shell on yo ass.
Hood:…Remember to place that phone call to help us *Proctor leaves* yall think he meant Mario Kart on Super nintendo or game Cube’s Double Dash?
Hood and Siobhan peace things up as he lets her know all the times they reenacted the Ginuwine “Pony” and Pretty Ricky “Grind on Me” video together it was real and still is.
Meanwhile, B. Raven going through his “Do The Right Thing” inner struggle. He clears the hole and tries to appeal to Chayton and catches the fucking arrow to the shoulder EARLY. Sun, Chayton hittin cats with arrows just to show how nice he is with the pack. Sibohan saves Billy from catching another arrow. While Hood heads downstairs to help, AHX, and Brock get their Duck Hunt on as the second wave of Redbones floods the basement. Siobhan hides Billy away then cops a machete before facing off on the last Redbone captive that escaped his cell. She hit bruh with a drop toe hold that made him knock his head on jail cell before giving him the vasectomy finisher. She can’t even enjoy the win as the camera pans back and we see Chayton behind her… as Hood walks in and realizes its “Game Over.”
Hood then comes to with the rudest awakening…
This is the second red wedding-esque episode we’ve had from Banshee at the top of the season. Chayton has dealt Hood the most painful hurt that he couldn’t plead his way out of. With help finally arriving and the smoke clearing we see Hood on the steps and realize Chayton Littlestone done fucked around an made the old Hood come back. And the only thing that old season one Hood wants right now? Only thing on his mind?
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and to leave yall with a bit of a light note after such a heavy episode…
In this episode @antonystarr whispered Gaaaary in my ear when i asked him his real name #banshee @cinemax
— Trieste Kelly Dunn (@TriesteKDunn) February 7, 2015
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