An Open Letter To Apocalypse: What Are Thoooooose?!

Dear Apocalypse, Off the bat I wanna say I respect you, and you are unquestionably one of the top 5 Marvel villains of all time. That goes without saying. You’re the man in the panels and you’re finally going to the big screen to get your shine in X-Men: Age of Apocalypse. This is your story, man. You made it, baby. The first mutant to ever do it is finally coming to theaters. You out here, dude. I see you… They even dropped that teaser image of your outfit. I know some folks been getting on you about how you look but honestly man, It’s not that bad.

Oh… oh Lord–… …. …. Yo I… grhmmm… Wooooooo! *not the good Ric Flair kind* Ummm. Yo listen Apocalypse, I’d never disrespect your choice of fashion, dude. Again, Pac, dude, I respect all that you’ve done for the villain game. This probably wasn’t your choice of style and everyone on the internet already dragged you for this, but here, I’ma do you a favor and give you the roast to put this to all to bed, alright? I only do this cause I respect you, man. Alright, this is tough love, man. *Sets Timer* *DEEP INHALE* It’s 2015 and you dressed like Bad Pimp #3 in a blaxploitation film. Sun, you look like one a retired California Raisin from the Raisin commercials back in the day. They don’t even have commercials for fruit anymore, man! Lookin’ like the purple drink in the Sunny D commercials, lookin’ like you ’bout to cameo in a McDonald’s happy meal, lookin’ like Grimace got a goth emo son steppin’ outta Hot Topic, look…