Miles Morales, Your New Spider-Man Proper, Addresses the Haters

***I’ve prepared a statement, but for maximum effect, hit play on the intstrumental below while you read this.****

First of all I want to thank my connect (Bendis), the most important person with all due respect. So by now, you’ve heard that when this Secret Wars murda muzik is done with, in the All New All Different Marvel, it’s gonna be your boy — Miles to tha, Morales to tha — as THE Spider-Man. Don’t worry, we ain’t killing Peter Parker, again. Mr Great Responsibility is gonna be my mentor, giving me tips and whatnot but hopefully not his horrible fucking luck. But yeah, that Black and Red is gonna be patrolling your Marvel Universe proper, none of that background Ultimate Universe elevator music anymore.

So I know some of y’all ain’t happy bout that. I wasn’t happy when Venom killed ma dukes, but I’m still out here grinding. So if you are THAT disappointed, I gotta ask where your mask and vigilante justice be at? I mean, at least get constructive with your disappointment, nahmean. A lot of people been throwing dirt on my name, calling me a C+ hero and inconsequential while they could ignore me while I was putting in work in a dying universe. Well guess what, I’m your muthafuckin C+ now homie! Can’t wait till you bring me home to your parents and blame me for fuckin’ up your GPA.

In all honesty though, I don’t know why I be catching all the webbing from dudebros, but since I’m official as fuck now, it don’t really matter. You want that Spider-Man mixtape, you want tha…