Wonder Woman Trailer: Watch the Queen Conquer

[quote_simple]“I did not come to play with you hoes. I came to slay, bish.” – Big Freedia[/quote_simple] The San Diego Comic Con gods are fickle gods but generous with their bounty. Just as we’re left reeling from the unexpected shittiness of The Killing Joke, DC finally fires the Wonder Woman trailer. Y’all, I’ve been waiting for this shit…

I swear this trailer is longer than her combined screen time from Batman v Superman, which still has me salty af to say the least. And we finally get to hear her first name, thanks a lot, BvS. We also see the actual red, gold, and blue of the Wonder Woman costume instead of the urine-washed, sepia-toned monstrosity from Batman v Superman (BvS, the eternal fuckup). From this trailer, I assume Wonder Woman is set to single-handedly win the First World War for the Allies while everybody slides across the ground in slow motion like an extra in You Got Served. We start with Diana on a beach with a wet Steve Trevor (wearing way too many clothes in my opinion) in a drawn out two sentence scene underscored by the ethereal sighs of a mezzo-soprano with mad reverb. There are some jokes flatter than one-sided paper and shots of all the white people (where’s Phillipus, DC? Where’s Phillipus?) before the Inception horns kick in. Amazons bring swords to a gunfight and still manage to kick ass. Diana somehow sneaks a full fucking broadsword into a ball by hiding it down the back of her dress. And we carry on with the belief that no woman can ever fi…