Darkseid’s Bad Bish/Big Thicc Energy Makes Him the Best Dressed Villain

Out of every villain across the board in fiction, I’ve always respected Darkseid’s flex. If you don’t know who Darkseid is, I’ll learn you right quick. Darkseid is a big big man from a planet called Apokolips that’s got beef with their sister planet New Genesis. He’s constantly looking for Anti-Life Equation which will help him enslave the universe to his will. He’s Superman’s most dangerous enemy and he is evil incarnate. Darkseid is all that’s evil in the DC Universe. Now when I say evil, I’m not talking Saturday morning cartoon villain evil. I’m talking dude in the in the red Hyundai that shot Ricky. Scar telling Mufasa “Long live the king” before his Tom Petty free-fallin’. Regina George telling you to go to Sears with the rest of the poors.

Darkseid is all that but way worse. Darkseid is the voice telling you to smack the shit outta Greg in accounting for eating your yogurt. Let’s consort the comic book writer elders on this. The way Julian Lytle tells it, “He’s that thing that you can’t deny is there, that’s pushing you toward darkness.” and Tom King breaks it down like this, “He’s the evil inside of us. He’s the darkness. He’s the thing inside of us that calls us to do the wrong thing or be warped the wrong way. That’s inescapable: Darkseid exists. That’s there.” Get it? You can’t escape Darkseid. Darkseid is violence. Darkseid is the infinite sadness. Darkseid is… However, all that has nothing to do with why I respect his flex. But his dress game tho?!

Darkseid is… serving looks!

Look at the fucking fit! You see that? The evilest person in the DC Universe out here with enough confidence to say who the fuck goin’ check, step, or come at me, boo? That’s the energy I want from my villains. Lex Luthor could never! Look at the body positivity oozing out them thigh high boots. Thanos (bit a hearty helping from Darkseid but) would never. Mutha fuckas wanna talk about serving looks and bring up Loki? *Soulja Boy voice* Looooooooooooki?! *mushes’em in the face out Darkseid’s way on the runway*

Do you not see the Sunday Church Service usher gloves? The belt resting on the hips that ain’t doing a Bast damn thing except serving. The belt not holding anything else up but fashion. I said this is fashion bish! Darkseid giving you the “I been on this evil shit” 16 bars and a shot at the goods at the same damn time and you mutha fuckas wanna talk about some damn Loki?! Ain’t a villain alive built for the stunt like Darkseid is… The gawd, Jack Kirby, created Darkseid back in 1970 and introduced stunt into the DC Universe for the very first fucking time.

Darkseid is… not here to play with you heauxs

Darkseid been rocking this look since the ’70s, but don’t let the dress fool you. Darkseid the evilest person on the block and ready to stomp muh fuckas out in sundress. He washed Superman straight up and down Metropolis’ streets and invaded his city wearing nothing but a sundress, southern bell gloves, a belt that doesn’t hold anything (cause mutha fuckin’ fashion), Saint Laurent Meurice suede knee-high kinky boots, and (what I assume) are leggings. How you fucking somebody up that badly and still got mobility with a dress and boots on? No tear in the dress. No run in the leggings. A Professional! How you avoid getting any blood on the fit while backhanding? The southern bell gloves make the backhand serve that much worse too, let’s not overlook that fact.

Darkseid slapped that man twice, skipped the duel, and gave’em nothing but heel action. An Icon. Do you not see this villain out here werking for y’all? Darkseid’s whole fit exterior the same color as Fenty Mattemoiselle Plus Matte Lipstick. Do you not see that man’s complexion poppin’ as he curb stomps Kal-El? Illest villain in the game. Illest villain in thee game! Wilson Fisk doesn’t have the ambition for this. The Joker and his suits lack the artistic vision! Sundress n****! I’m talking bout a different level of stunt, baby: get on it.

Darkseid is… the baddest bish

Oh, you thought the Darkseid’s vintage 70’s sundress outfit couldn’t get the modern update? That Batman/Superman Apocalypse Darkseid outfit says otherwise doesn’t it. Luke Cage’s yellow shirt ain’t ever stress the tiddy meat like this right here. I didn’t know there was a tight top level above ‘Miami club owner/promoter with the chain showing’ but here the fuck we are. If the top ain’t this tight don’t fucking bother, villains. My man ain’t even flexing the pecs and I can already tell what gym membership he got.

This is gym bod, flex, and opulence at the same Bast damn time. No one man should have all that confidence. No male fragility in sight. I can’t tell if he turned the fit into a jumper or a body suit, but I can tell that he killing them. I can tell this shit is a fucking look. Darkseid evil as hell but you can tell that he too aspires for Michelle Obama arms. He got the arms out the fit like he’s doing 95 mph on the highway with the top down and an elbow out the window. Listen, some outfits you gotta know you can pull off. My man ain’t even slim down for this. He bulked up and made the fit work. Darkseid said, “Work the fit, don’t let the fit work you.” and it shows.

Darkseid is… dummy thiiiiiiicc

Darkseid said, “Sun’s out, fun’s out” and hit y’all with the romper and kept the knee-high (I mean they damn near thigh-high tho) boots energy. Best dressed villain. I promise you. Who else giving you big thick energy like this? The milkshake too thick, we’re going to need a bigger straw for all that. Look at the stance! Thick thighs save lives, but Darkseid ain’t saving none of y’all. Even the belt got thicker! I just need to know if that’s a Louis Vuitton weight belt. That’s all I need to know. We can’t see the back but I guarantee you the butt cheeks is out (I may as well go the whole 9 yards at this point man) and the cakes’ clapping breaking the sound barrier when he walks. This is fashion people!

Do you see the flex? Darkseid got them Ric Flair old man muscles glistening! Lord Voldemort and his dusty ass choir robe ain’t stepping to this. Even Fire Lord Ozai gotta kiss the ring. Norman Osborn waves act right when in the presence of ya mans right here. Darkseid the only villain MCU Hela allows to have a seat at the table (it’s just the two of them there). These villains can’t dress like ya mans and dem. The outfit is that fucking strong. No villain got the vision to flex on ’em like this. The sauce too damn rich!

Everything is… Darkseid!

Listen, don’t get made at me for exposing the fact that your favorite villain can’t fucking dress. Don’t get made at me because the villain you rep got a color scheme more tragic than their backstory. I’m not here for any animosity. This is an open discussion… where y’all can shut the fuck up because Darkseid is… out here killing them basic bad guys on that catwalk. Go ahead and flex on ’em one last time with some wine.

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