An Open Letter to Supergirl’s Superman: Boi, You Got a Donk

Last weekend we got our first glimpse of Supergirl’s version of Superman. Dark hair, square jaw, blue eyes, the usual. The unusual? Jimmy Olsen towering over Clark Kent. Which I’m okay with. Who would expect Superman to be the dude who needs help reaching the top shelf? Photo Credit: Just Jared Are we sure there’s only a 3″ difference here… The unusual part deux? Super-Hoechlin looking like someone stuck him in Super-Cavil’s suit. Less okay with that. Y’all couldn’t find Tyler a suit that doesn’t look like he ordered it off of Instagram? I mean really, this what y’all giving us? This…wait.

Pause. Good googly-moogly! I’m sorry…I’ll be…let me just…excuse me. *Walks out to collect herself* *Ja-Quan walks in.* I smell Superman flambe…what is that? How y’all got CK looking like a Kings pinup? Bad enough he got…you know what. Lemme just. *Sets timer* *DEEP INHALE* Stop the track! *Brittany busts down the door.* Brit: I can’t let you this, Ja-Quan. This booty is a gift & will be treated as such. Ja-Quan: This roast is happening, the timer’s already running. Brit: Then I’ll battle you for it. Hit the track! *Soulja Boy’s “Donk” plays* Ja-Quan: Are those Spanx my dude? Brit: He’s giving au natural, high heel booty tooch realness. Ja-Quan: You been hitting that stairclimber harder than Lauren London. Brit: He been power squatting, my dude knows what he’s doing. Ja-Quan: Allllll the baseball players are hating they can’t be on his level of booty POP. Brit: Got me …