‘Bright’ Review: $100 Million, High Fantasy, and Will Smith Debates for Decades

Sooo, I watched Bright over the holiday vacation. I put that on myself. I took that “L” for every one of you and I’m absolutely disgusted. Like genuinely disappointed disgust. I’m a huge Will Smith fan (I know, mad people are) but I’m the kind of Will Smith fan that owns the fact that Bad Boys I & II are my favorite movies. Yeah, I’m about that life, fam. Now, I didn’t think the movie would be great but I expected a few really great scenes or a dope section of the movie that I could champion. Alas, that is not what I received. What I received was a hodgepodge of Training Day, Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. Literally. You could cherry pick various scenes from each of these movies, edit them together, and create a better YouTube Red movie. That’s how unimaginative this joint was. It was like David Ayers just said “Fuck it”, took all the great things about his previous movies, melted them in a cinematic pot, and poured them over our heads Khal Drogo style. I love Chronicle and Max Landis because of it, (Editor’s note: Yeaah, about Max Landis) but I didn’t see much of his definitive style during the 2 hours of my life I’ll never get back.

Ok, quick movie breakdown. Jakoby is the first Orc to become a police officer. Humans hate that he’s on the force and Orcs consider him a traitor. He’s paired with the financially burdened and oft-maligned officer Ward. Ward doesn’t trust dude cause Jakoby let the Orc that shotgun popped Ward full of lead, get away. But eventually, the…