Game of Thrones Recap: Battle of the Bastards

Season: 6 / Episode: 9 / HBO Maaaaan, listen. Daenerys lookin’ at Tyrion like Robin Arryn looked at Tyrion back in season one ‘cuz she wants to see the little man fly. This is like when you ask your friend to save your seat while you go to the bathroom, you come back and some sweaty dude got his feet kicked up in your spot while your friend giving you the Kanye shrug. Tyrion, you literally had one gotdamn job. To not let my house catch on fire. Want to explain to me why my house is literally on fuckin’ fire? Tyrion trying to justify his shit by updating his LinkedIn profile with all the good shit he’s done in Meereen… except that part where IT’S ON FUCKIN’ FIRE. The Masters are throwing their mixtapes at the pyramid and the current regime ain’t really trying to listen to that shit. Tyrion wants to convince her that total destruction and annihilation isn’t a good look, but considering that Tyrion hasn’t succeeded in anything since he caught that battle ax across the face at the Blackwater, I’m not sure he’s the best consigliere right now. They meet the Masters outside the pyramid and start negotiating terms. Dudes are like, you tried it Stormborn, but now it’s time to run yo shit. Daenerys is like, yeah… that’s cute. Then comes THE BEST INTRO OF ALL FUCKIN’ INTROS, MY GAWD. Remember the Black Bush skit from Chappelle’s Show when he was describing how the jet touched on the aircraft carrier? That’s how I feel describing this shit to y’all right now. Like I got my action fig…