Game of Thrones Recap: Hardhome

Season: 5 / Episode: 8 / HBO ***Spoilers be drinking water straight off the ground because this drought is serious.*** Check it, you ever pull some shit in school with your homie, like smoke in the bathroom or pull the fire alarm, then get caught? Both of you get summoned to the Principal’s Office, but one of you is talking out their ass trying to get out of shit while the other is pissing down their leg. Well, Jorah smell like straight urine right now. Tyrion talkin’ that shit, reciting Daenery’s history, talking about the strengths and weaknesses of the land and impressing everyone with his mouthpiece. Somewhere, Grey Worm is still in the MASH unit and his left eye started fluttering like, “who up in my world stealing my bars?” Tyrion councils Danny on Jorah, saying she can’t be merkin’ cats that worship her, but you can’t look strong in front of the people chillin’ with a traitor. Jorah got walked outside like he just got too rowdy up in the VIP section and bouncers be like, “you ain’t got to go home, but you need to get the hell up outta here.” Maaaaaaaaan, listen. Cersei, Queen Mother, up in the Black Cells looking like she broke out the generic witch costume for Halloween early.

You know that expression, you can either get the carrot or the stick? Well, when the sister offers Cersei water and commands her to confess, she smacks the shit out of Cersei with the carrot when she doesn’t comply. Gotta give it up for Cersei for being stubborn, but bruh, she lookin’ like sh…