Game of Thrones Recap: Mother’s Mercy

Season: 5 / Episode: 10 / HBO ***Spoilers be a tourist attraction at Castle Black where you and your whole family can stab the Lord Commander too*** Maaaaaaan, listen. It has been a damn journey folks. Here we are, the last episode of Season Five. Let’s go ahead and get into this gangsta shit. Melisandre wakes up with a smile on her face because the snow is melting. Or because she probably had some underage soldier in her tent last night. I’m putting that at 50/50. She come into Stannis’ tent gloating about the Lord of Light making good on his promise, but Stannis is all business cuz he knows the cost of this shit. Well…his ass don’t know yet. He walks outside and it’s like he walked into a call center where all the phones are ringing and they’re all on the complaint line. First one of his soldiers tells him that half of his army hit the bricks last night, with all the horses. You know why? Cuz watching your king burn his daughter alive at the stake ain’t some regular shit, fam. How you expect to lead an army and inspire loyalty when you can’t keep your own family safe? Chris Rock once said his goal was to keep his daughters off the pole. Bruh, my goal is to keep my daughter off the pole that catches fucking fire. Lord of Light can go do something crude and anatomically impossible to himself. For real, the Lord of Light is the fucking Sallie Mae of Thrones. You can borrow against it to get what you want, but payback and interest make you wonder why the fuck you trying to be…