Game of Thrones Recap: “The Watchers on the Wall”

Season 4, Episode 9 ***Spoilers be crashing through the gate your dumbass didn’t seal when you had the chance*** You know what this is, I mean, you KNOW what this is. It’s the penultimate episode of a Game of Thrones season which means either a Stark is getting merked or we’re getting a big ass, episode long battle. Thankfully, we got the big ass battle. And how do all battles start? With two young cats talking about lady parts. I can’t be the only one that was caught off guard that Sam’s second question to Jon concerning Ygritte was about her feet, right? I’m not trying to be judgmental and shaming cat’s fetishes and shit, I’m just sayin that Gilly better be prepared for anything if she wanna know how them Tarly boys do. After Sam, explores some loopholes in the sacred vows and Jon exclaims he’s not a bleeding poet (then proceeds to drop the, ‘What did I get for it, but an arrow six inches from my heart’ line. Apparently you know nothing Jon Snow, including metaphors), we make our way to the very discreet Wildling camp where they have burned an entire forest to stay warm and roast fish (or townsfolk). Apparently, if Sam’s talk of feet didn’t get your RPMs up, then the writers were just priming you for Tormund Giantsbane telling the cannibals how he fucked a bear…

…oh, you’re still here? I wouldn’t have blamed you for bailing after that. Thankfully Ygritte shut that shit down before it got (more) ridiculous when she told homie to stop lying on his dick. Imagine how m…