Star Trek Beyond Trailer: What Did I Just Watch?

Just the other day, I said I was too excited about the Star Wars premier to get excited for the Star Trek trailer. That is only partially true. What is also true is that I was so confused and underwhelmed by the trailer for Star Trek Beyond that even without the Star Wars hype clouding my brain, I still wouldn’t have been able to form some kind of opinion. It has taken me time, and multiple viewings, to be able to put my thoughts into words. Paramount Pictures shelled out big bucks to be the trailer shown before Star Wars on opening night. Then that trailer leaked on Sunday (sources point to Ze Germans), leading the studio to release a full English version on Monday. So much intrigue! I was expecting this to be good! So I watched.

WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL WAS THAT AND WHY IS THE BEASTIE BOYS “SABOTAGE” IN IT? Look, as much as I loved the movies in the first series (yes, all 6 of them. Judge me. I don’t care.) I was fine when the franchise got rid of the ethos of peace and coexistence from that Roddenberry time. I don’t even miss the Shakespearean dialog and the modern explosions of the 4 Next Generation series of movies. But this, the Beyond trailer shows me a movie that isn’t even the post-modern remix of the original reboot…It is a full-blown action film. They jump motorcycles in the trailer, for the love of Klingons everywhere! I love action films — not as much as Jordan loves Fast & Furious 1 through 7 but still, I do love them. I’m just not sure I love them with Ki…