The Flash Recap: Untouchable - Black Nerd Problems

Season 3 / Episode 12 / The CW The Flash and Kid Flash begin their real deal speed training out in dem streetz. Team Flash is posted up at S.T.A.R. Labs watching it all go down, playing Cee lo, taking bets on the homies. Wally back on his young Black and gifted shit, talm’bout “This is the day the greatest upset in speedster history goes down.” And when I say the gang is taking bets, I mean HR getting insanely hyped that gambling is legal on OG Earth and puts it all on Kid Flash. The boys are flying through the streets and Kid Flash is showing his true blazing potential. Cisco got Mario Kart markers set up and track Kid Flash and Flash who are neck in neck when they approach the finish line. Last hurdle is a building and Barry phases through that weak ass structure! Wally doesn’t have enough XP doe… so he runs up and over it, finishing in 2nd. It’s time to up your training! Beginning with learning how to phase through objects, son!

The CSI squad, Joe, Barry and Julian (or as I’m gonna call em, JBJ) are investigating a crazy death at a restaurant. Dude was alive 8 hours ago and lookin’ like Black Skeletor now. They think the cause could be a meta or some flesh-eating disease. Iris was outside the joint, waiting to get a story? Joe asks his kids if they’re down for a meet and greet wit his new bae, Cecile. They’re obviously game, but it gets Iris thinking. Big things are happening in their lives, should they finally tell Joe about her future death yet or naaaaah? S.T.A.R. Labs: Julian and Caitlin down in the lab finding out this is no bacteria or any disease known to man kind. They’re just hyping up the villains deadliness at this point. Musicians stumble out of a venue talkin’ ’bout that sweet ass performance. They was hype. One brother in the crew heads to his car as a man who calls Julio Mendez by his name, walks up on him, and shakes his hand… then his arm decays before our eyes. Kid Flash continues his training on the Super Sonic Speed Lab. He’s rackin’ up mileage but it’s not helping with his phasing fails. Barry is trying to explain but Wally is having trouble getting it. CSI Team JBJ is back to investigating when Barry realizes the brother who got mummified was the same Captain Mendez of the CCPD in Flashpoint. Barry realizes that the last decayed victim, Stuart Holzman, was also a cop at the CCPD with Mendez, so this villain must be offing cops from Flashpoint.

S.T.A.R. Labs: Julian and Caitlin are performing their latest autopsy, bickering back and forth over super nerdy things when Cait notices something on his hand. They run the DNA test and realize it belongs to the killer. Apparently these two was on their supreme investigation game ‘cuz Julian realizes the DNA that belongs to this Clive Yorkin is some that only Julian knows. Turns out Julian AKA Alchemy created this dude who uses his touch to send bodies into a rapid process of decay. Jitters: Joe and Cecile have their nice parent-kid date as Team Joe West got Iris, Barry and Wally reppin’ for the Greatest Dad on TV Squad. Cecil brings her daughter along, who’s pretty much reppin’ the stale whole wheat bread gang… until Wally picks up on the Kid Flash fangirl vibes.

Things quickly escalate into a Flash vs. Kid Flash WHO YA GOT? Debate. It was great. Aaaaand then all the fun is ruined when Clive Yorkin busts through the door talkin’ ’bout “JOE WEST, so good to see you again” or some corny ass shit like that. The gats get drawn and homie ain’t even .03% shook. The amount of fucks he gave was these 2 middle fingers right here! …and he was right. Oh, he was right. Bullets fly and bullets disintegrate as soon as they hit Clive. It was lookin’ grim out here until Kid Flash shows up and arm whirlwinds dude out of there. Clive Yorkin is one step ahead of the team. instead of continuing to try and kill Joe, he locates Iris and sandifies her door. He walks up in there like he owns the joint and Iris hits her distress signal before she is turned to dust. Wally tells Cisco that he’s got this and Kid Flash arrives on the scene but isn’t the flawless-victory-having hero this time around. He saves her from getting the ultimate touch of death, but unfortunately, lil’ bro wasn’t fast enough to stop him from grazing her. The decay zone spreads immediately and he rushes her back to headquarters.

S.T.A.R. Labs: The team has Iris getting treatment, but that shit ain’t working, fam. Barry flips his shit and spazzes on Wally for not hitting him up to help Iris. They realize shit ’bout to get real from Cisco’s analogy. The only way to stop a banana from ripening too fast is freezing it. Caitlin, time to get on your Frozen game and shine! HR and Cisco then comes up with the idea to vibe Flashpoint in order to discover something to help them, so Cisco is going to try something he’s never done before. Barry helps Cisco vibe Flashpoint and sees Yorkin being brought into CCPD by the cops that nabbed him. There’s one more cop out there that Yorkin needs to get revenge on so they go to her back.

[quote_simple]Sidebar: Barry fucking up Timeline memes are classic.[/quote_simple]

S.T.A.R. Labs: Barry and Julian discuss how Yorkin’s blood seems to be the exact opposite of Flash’s and realize this may be the cure to stopping him. Iris’ arm starts to spread again so Caitlin hops in to deep freezer again, but her eyes go full Killer Frost icy and shit hits the fan as Caitlin starts talking that crazy shit! She ’bout to put Iris out her misery because that’s who Killer Frost is… until Iris and Draco Julian maybe not so much a Dickfoy anymore, comes through with the motivational speech! Self deprecating motivational speech too. But Tumblr hates Julian as much as me, so Iris gets most of the motivation shine.

Train Station: Joe hops on a train to protect the final cop involved in Yorkin’s Flashpoint arrest. Yorkin has been laying low creeping on em though, so he peeps game and devises a villainous plan. Homeboy somehow has super speed too because he beat the train to the spot we see him at next, fuckin’ up support beams and being an all around terrorist. Joe sends out that ~~bat signal~~ distress call so Flash and Kid Flash show up on the scene. Yorkin a savage though so he done caused mad debris to fall on the tracks. Flash has to dig deep and try something he has never fathomed he would have to do. Vibrate the entire locomotive and phase the train through all the fucking rubble! A WHOLE COT DAM TRAIN FILLED WITH HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE! One of the dopest step-up moments in Flash history. Wally is the last line of defense as Yorkin is ready to reek more havoc. Barry tells Wally this is his moment. He’s spent all this time training and all he has to do is phase through him and leave a itty bitty piece of blood inside Yorkin to stop his powers from working. Kid Christopher Wallace the Speed Force Wonder cuts his hand and gets ready to put in that time and a half.

Late Episode Shockers

S.T.A.R. Labs: Iris wakes up in bed. Healed. HR is hyped like crazy, as per usual. 1 more more husk meta to go, so Julian bounces and get a head start and find this evil bastad..ya know, ‘cuz he’s the cause of all this fuckery. But not before Caitlin asks him if he wants to go get a drink, ‘cuz nobody saw that coming. One thing I didn’t notice, but my fiancee did, was that Caitlin is rollin’ out without her bag so clearly Julian is buying. It’s all about perspective. The episode finishes with Wally practicing his phasing jutsu. He finally masters getting his arm through a wall, but a breach opens up and Jesse Quick speeds through telling Wally that Grodd has kidnapped her dad.

Flash Facts

Quote of the episode? Had to be Caitlin to Julian: “You do realize that it’s possible not to be a jerk all the time, right?” LLLLLOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL. Finally! Joe was PISSEEDDDD when Iris finally told him she’s supposed to die at Savitar’s hand in a few months. Felt that anger, b. This man acts his ass off. This Gorilla Grodd and Gorilla City episode has been HELLAAAAA hyped for the second half of this season, so this shit better be that pure 1972 Colombian cocaine, high octane, nitrous blue and green flames, ya heard! Barry continues to console Iris every 20 minutes and it needs to stop. We know they’re worried about her dying, but damn, we don’t need the violin music every single time they get alone! They’re an attractive bi-racial couple, let that shit breathe. Earth 19 Surprise Bombs Dropped by HR: Vice President Al Capone and Abe Lincoln on the $100 bill. Love the wild differences. The season is finally heating up something stoooooopid! If you missed any eps, check out our season 3 recaps here.