The Foreigner Trailer: Jackie Chan Is Not Fucking Around With Y’all Anymore

How am I even supposed to intro this? How am I even supposed to- What? What are we- How did we even get here? I don’t know but I’m thanking God, Bast, and every Hokage pre-Edo-Tensei, that Jackie Chan is gracing us undeserving serfs with the action movie we deserve. Not just any action movie, this is Chan putting his stack down for an Old Man Logan, John Wick, Equalizer rendition. I am humbled by this trailer, this is all I’ve ever wanted to see from Jackie Chan. Lemme just show y’all the real right now. I need you to see this blessing before we proceed.

*Stands up in Super Saiyan transformation stance and yells for the equivalent of three episodes of Dragon Ball Z* ARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HOOOOOO-OOOOH MY GAWD?! What are you doing to the game right now Jackie? Don’t do it to’em baby! You killin’em right now Jackie. Yo, this story is based off a ’92 novel but it’s mad simple, Ngoc Minh Quan (Jackie Chan), a resturant owner, wants revenge for his daughter being killed by a bombing due to Irish terrorist. Ngoc out here dropping stacks for names. Ngoc is thirsty as fuck (rightfully so) for the names of those responsible for merkin his kid. Ngoc dropping stacks to find these folks and been calling his local representatives about it non-stop. Liam Hennessey (Pierce Brosnon) is that rep and he tellin’ Ngoc he dunno what’s going on or any of the men responsible. First off, we know not to trust dude cause his surname is Hennessey. Ngoc know he lyin’ too and starts making duke’s life, ca…