Pooh’s Home Run Derby: An Online Game and My Story of Suffering

This is a not a review of a free web game called Winnie the Pooh’s Home Run Derby, which should be called Pooh’s Hellfire. Or maybe Pooh’s Heffalump Hellscape would be a better name. Anyway, this is a warning — and Bear with me on this, this game is a handful. If you’re not ready for it it’ll consume your soul. YOUR SOUL, SON. Now looking at the picture you’d think it was a cute, fun, wholesome game, right? WRONG, this shit is death incarnate. Death coated in cutesy Disney characters? Maaan, lemme tell you. I had heard of this game through word of mouth so I went and checked it out. You can play the Japanese version (which is the version that most have played) here. The English version can be found here (or Googling Pooh’s Home Run Derby, it’s easy to find). I took my first swing on the mound against Eeyore. Eeyore was extremely easy. So easy, in fact, that I had a bad feeling. A sickening feeling in my stomach that wasn’t just a rumbly in my tumbly. I would later find out that with this game all is not what it seems.

There are seven stages in this game — seven trials and tribulations you must endure before you get the privilege to face Christopher Robin for the title of Home Run Derby Shogun. Each opponent gets harder and harder and their pitches get crazier and crazier. Some pitches just have a slight curve to them. Some pitches go slow and some go fast. THEN you get pitches like that punk ass Owl that go fast and zigzag at you like a damn heat-seeking baseball. Then the…