I Did Not Need This Much Character Development: What Nerd Stories Taught Me About Grief, and What They Couldn’t

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, which is a club I never asked to join and would very much like to cancel my membership to. Unfortunately, the cancellation policy is terrible, and October was already complicated for me before it became an entire month dedicated to something I now know far too intimately. My son Rowan was born on October 29, 2025, at 22 weeks due to PPROM. He died later that same day. Since then, I have experienced two more pregnancy losses, one of which was a chemical pregnancy, and then my most recent loss at 10 weeks last month. So, that October has rolled around and the internet has begun turning pink and blue; I unfortunately don’t experience Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month from a safe distance. I’m not simply an ally changing my profile picture for a cause or for a friend or learning statistics that will shock me for a few minutes before I continue scrolling. I am painfully, unwillingly aware.

The strange thing is that, as a lifelong nerd, I thought I understood grief. I’ve watched entire planets disappear and heroes lose parents, partners, best friends, and children. I’ve played games where beloved party members die, and read stories about people carrying unbearable loss across entire worlds. Nerd culture has been preparing me for grief my entire life. It just conveniently left out the part where your entire universe can end and, somehow, you’re still expected to answer emails afterward. The Fellowship Still Has Somewhere…