Hova is my favorite rapper of all time. Sorry Biggie and Pac riders. I’ll die standing on this hill in S. Carter’s, waving a Blueprint flag, rockin a Rocafella chain on leg day. So it’s safe to say I know a little bit about Hovito. Here I’m going to talk about his love of the Amalfi Coast of Italy. It’s the annual yacht vacation destination that he and Beyoncé enjoy, for good reason. It’s one of the most gorgeous locations on the planet. With the colorful cliffside architecture that will amaze, sunsets and scenery that will dazzle, grub that will put you into repeated food comas, and weather that is literally perfect every single day, you can’t vacation like this anywhere else in the world.
I just got married, so my wife and I had some decisions to make. We decided to go all out and spend 9 days on the Amalfi Coast after the wedding. We set our work emails to automated vacay messages (I hate them too…but it feels great when you do it), chucked up the deuces, and boarded our flight to Italy.
“The island, hopping off the Amalfi coast, Mafi–
Oh so, oh baby, you ever seen Saturn?
No, not the car, but everywhere we are”
-Jay Z
The Amalfi Coast is made up of a bunch of towns, but the go-to spots are Sorrento, Furore, Amalfi, Praiano, Positano, and Ravello. Sorrento and Positano are the most populated cities, but they all offer something special. We didn’t do much research on which town to stay in, but were very happy with our decision. We picked a nice 4-star hotel called Tramonto D’Oro in Praiano, the smallest town on the coast, which is much more of a fishing village than a small town.
Alright enough with the logistics, let’s get to the reason you’re here.
What’s Really Good with The Amalfi Coast
Black Sand Beach (Positano): First, a disclaimer. There are 0 grains of sand. It’s all rocks. With that being said, Black Sands Beach is still one of the best experiences you will ever have. The black beach is more of a dark volcanic grey. Cuz, you know…Mount Vesuvius. It takes a little while to get used to, but as long as you rock some flip-flops (or LeBrons like me) you’ll be good. You can eat and drink on the beach pretty freely so go cop yourself a panini from the closest deli. The most popular order is parma ham, mozzarella, and tomato, which is amazing. Now note, parma ham is not cooked. Won’t kill you or make you sick for that matter, but if you’re one of those well-done burger types of people (what’s wrong with you?) then order cooked ham. Hit the cooler, pick up some Gatorade, mineral water, and a few brews then go live your best life fam.
Capri: A stunning island located an hour or so away from the Amalfi Coast. You have to take a boat to get there, just like Caesar and the Romans did back when they used this island as their personal, mystical getaway. Legend has it that ancient Romans used this Themyscira-looking island and its infamous grottoes as their swinger nymph pads. Lord knows what this place looked like back in 100BC. The Blue Grotto is the most iconic spot on the island, for good reason. The light reflecting into the grotto is one of the most breathtaking visuals any man or woman can see on Earth today.
One Fire (Praiano): The most lit Beach Club on the planet as far as I’m concerned. With the Mediterranean as their backdrop, this spot sits in a dope ass lagoon type location. Not only do they play geat music starting at 10am, but they make delicious food and have the most insane 4:30 tradition I’ve ever seen. Four Thirty in the afternoon, 16:30 in Italian time, is Melon Time. At Melon Time, they play the littest music and everybody in the whole spot squads up to hype each other up as they break out watermelons on watermelons on watermelons… and cut them up like Wolverine in Berserker mode! It’s like a samurai on a fruit killing rampage running through a watermelon patch. Luckily, they hand out all the refreshing melon and you party the rest of the day away.
Pompeii: Remember when I threw shade at people who didn’t know what Mt. Vesuvius was? Well, I apologize. History Nerd Problems. Anyways, Mount Vesuvius is the volcano that sits a few hundred miles away from the Amalfi Coast. That volcano is the reason you know the name Pompeii…well, besides Jon Snow. In 79AD, Vesuvius exploded and caused one of thee biggest catastrophic events in human history. All those unfortunate people living in Pompeii were victims of the volcano’s magma spewing rage. Now the petrified statues are a constant reminder of this planet’s volatile unpredictability. This was the one location I didn’t get to during my 9-day vacation, but I will walk the harrowing streets of Pompeii one day.
Music on the Rocks (Positano): One of the craziest clubs I’ve ever seen, and Positano’s international attraction. They carved this spot out of the rock near Black Sand Beach. It’s amazing. I was lucky to walk in with a squad of young ladies, so I got in breezy. Drinks were great and the music was good. But the highlight? My man Michael Bublé pullin up to the DJ both (probably wasted) and singing about Spiderman. Next level nerd swag.
Food
Let’s get this out the way off the rip. The place I’m about to tell you about is a small and unassuming wine bar on the main road in Praiano. It also was the best dining experience of my life. No contest. I’ve done ballin ass caviar and truffle infused nights in Manhattan. I’ve dined in the hidden spots and invite-only local favorites of small towns across America. I’ve enjoyed the fam’s outstanding deep-fried turkey, candied yams, gooey baked mac n’ cheese, and rustic collard greens dinner a thousand times and loved every drop of that dank grub that’s been labored over with undying love. I’ve even started Yelping and reviewing on Google and Trip Advisor. Basically, I been about this life for the last 5 years. Did I mention that I cook 3-5 times a week and am the Cooking Club instructor at my school? Not tryna gloat, just make it crystal clear I’m not on the foodie fuck boi shit. So, back to Vivaro Wine Bar. This place is run by this rough around the edges, great if you get to know him, guy named Genaro. He’s the man. But he’s about his craft.
Vivaro Wine Bar: You walk up in the spot and got 2 options: Fish or Beef. Surf or Turf. King Shark or..you get it. He’s gonna check you. He’s gonna ask if you know what he’s about. Just say yes, take a seat and let the master go to work! Remember that Praiano is the small fishing village of the Amalfi Coast, so fish is a must unless you hate seafood. If you go with a boo or a crew, then you guys can pick both and try a little of everything. Let’s just say that we had dinner here 3 times on our 9-day stay. Our 1st night, our last night, and once in between. 3 separate 3-5 course dinners. I did not complain once. He paired our food to his surplus of wine perfectly, and we had one of the most amazing sunset dinners.
On our last night on the Amalfi Coast, we went to show love to our favorite new restaurant. My wife and I agreed the last piece of fish he prepared for us was by far the greatest dish of my life. The steak he made was just a hair below that. We had 2 through the roof dishes right before we left the perfect getaway vacation. No matter what you’re eating, drinking or doing, you can always look at a person and know what you’re eating is the best you’ve ever had. We both looked at each other in awe while eating that fish and steak. Price tag runs about 50-100 Euros depending on how much wine you get. We were on our honeymoon so we spared no expenses and thank the heavens for that because we walked away more satisfied than we’ve ever been.
Chriscitos: The best pizza we had on the coast. Our driver from the airport suggested Chriscitos and we tend to listen to the locals. Luckily, this joint was a huge win. Located in Praiano on the one steep hill in the middle of town, the view is ideal and the food is magnificent. The homie Antonio was the ill waiter. Gotta appreciate good service. Had the first fried pizza of my life here and it was like the most perfect fried dough and pizza combination of all time. We got the Sausage and Broccoli (rabe…they don’t tell you that) on a white pizza. Bangin. And the Buffalito. Buffalo mozz, red sauce, cherry tomatoes, and basil on a deep fried pizza crust. A DEEP FIRED PIZZA CRUST!! Wild.
La Strada: Swerved up the best eggplant parm I ever had. Period. The seafood risotto included clams, mussels, a single delicious shrimp that stared at me til I ate it, and calamari over great risotto. I cleaned the plate. Wifey thought I was done. She was wrong. I ordered the Linguini lobster. The waiter upsold me like an episode of Atlanta and I was down for every ounce of that lobster.
La Brace: Another good spot to get amazing pizza. They also throw down on the grill.
Da Adolfo on Laurito Beach: Really mad I never got around to this spot. It’s supposed to be one of those hidden gem beaches that require a boat/water taxi to get to. Supposed to be amazing fresh fish dishes at the restaurant Da Adolfo. It was all supposed to be so dope…
Ristorante Le Tre Sorelle: Outstanding spaghetti vongole. Biggest calzone I’ve ever ordered. Located right off the Black Sands Beach in Positano. It’s next door to the more popular and more pricey Chez Black.
Any Deli: For real.
The Verdict
The Amalfi Coast is everything you have seen, hoped, and imagined it would be. The sights were fire. The water was captivating. The food was so good it made me want to slap somebody’s Italian momma! Jordan, Jay-Z, Beyoncé, Diddy, George Clooney, Mark Zuckerberg, and hundreds of celebrities treat the Amalfi Coast as their personal sunny playground and for good reason. The weather was perfect every single day. The water temperature was exactly what you want after a long morning (yes morning) of drinking and sunbathing the day away. The nightlife is always sizzling, no matter where you are and especially poppin in Positano. This is the vacation you want to go on, as long as your bank account can afford it. Italy, you are outstanding and rustic and I can’t wait to go back.
Are you following Black Nerd Problems on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr or Google+?
Show Comments