No, no, hell naw man, you cannot do this kind of shit with no notice. A brotha can’t even enjoy his lunch break and eat his overdone turkey club sandwich with the bagel a little softer than he would like without some new damn Star Wars dropping in the middle of it. Y’all ain’t shit for this one LucasArts. Now I’m up on the job, cursing the slow ass complimentary wifi for buffering my euphoria and somewhere there’s a IT tech watching me hold my phone 4 inches away from my face and saying, “This is why we can’t have nice things.”
(Deep Breath)
But you know what LucasArts, I forgive. Bless you for this new trailer that feels straight out of 1984 and bless the hands that prepared it. Bless Mark Hamill Da Gawd of voice overs and the robotic laying of hands on R2D2. Bless the best sci-fi shipwreck scene in modern history and decaying soul of Vader. Bless the lightsaber and the metaphorical passing of the torch. Bless the light that emits from it, even when the color is of dying suns. Bless the Force, my god bless the force push and the storm trooper army and the callback of storm trooper disguises.
And blessed be the Millenium Falcon and the pursuit of morally ambiguous men and wookies alike and the lasting irony of Harrison Ford flying anything right now. In the JJ Abrams name we pray.
Amen.
