Annual Fictional Baes for the BNP Staff

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The Oxford Dictionary [Black Twitter Edition] defines the word Bae as a significant other in which you would eventually inform of how much stronger your bond could be i.e. “This could be us but you playing” or a person so skilled in their field that their ranking of “Bawse” places them on a pedestal of awe and tremendous amounts of admiration. We here at Black Nerd Problems strive to celebrate all shapes and forms of baes across multiple genres. That being said, we present (in no particular order) the people currently killing the game and our hearts with the greatest of ease.

Poussey: Orange Is The New Black

Art by Victory Vague
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Art by Victory Vague

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This list ain’t complete without mention of standout Hollywood newcomer, Samira Wiley. I can’t talk about baes without a dedication to her character, the one and only Poussey from Orange Is the New Black. Who you know can make you laugh that hard, and then flip it on that ride-or-die tip like Poussey? Listen to her clown about politics on the funniest shit you heard all day, and realize that’s the same woman who threw down for her best friend who got caught up slangin’ for Vee. Homie got guts, humor, integrity, multilingual proficiency – listen to me, y’all. As far as I’m concerned, ain’t no bae better.

I’ma clap through the syllables so you feel what I’m telling you right now – *ain’t* *no* *bae* *better*. When it comes to admiration my girl belongs on Rushmore with the rest of them puttin’ in work on this list. And have you seen the trailer for the new season coming June 12th? Twitter party, y’all… we need to hold hands through our keyboards and experience this greatness together. #BaePoussey. – Jordan

Karako Koshio: Deadman Wonderland

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With my 1st pick in the Fictional Bae draft, the Detroit Chace selects: Karako Koshio (aka. Game Fowl) from the criminally slept-on anime Deadman Wonderland. Arguably First Team All-Sleeper Pick, Karako is an Afro-Japanese deadman who becomes second-in-command of a rebel force called Scar Chain who’s goal is liberating all the people held captive in Wonderland against their will, tortured & forced to fight for public amusement from the inside out. Yes, a strong female character of color in an anime no less not jammed into some poorly conceived stereotype. Hallelujah Hollaback! She is hella empathetic (allowing her friend Nagi to maintain hope by not tearing up his psychosis from losing his wife & daughter), willing to make the sacrifice play in the clutch, & carries on the mission of exposing her prison’s brutality after their leader was slain.

In layman’s terms: she stops, drops, and then immediately proceeds to open up shop. Also, all deadmen have a select power called a Branch Of Sin, which allows them to wield their own blood in crazy ass ways. My dearest Karako can solidify her blood into near-indestructible armor & cover any single part or the entirety of her body, punching petty robots & gropey security guards in the solar plexus, Marty McFly-fading them with barely a scratch on her, even sealing wounds mid-battle. In layman’s terms: first she had em like OH! now they like NO! and THAT, kids, is how Ruff Ryders roll!- Chace

Alana: Saga

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Alana, Alana, Alana
Saga has to be one of the very first graphic novels that I absolutely could not put down. I’m a late bloomer in the genre, but it didn’t take long for me to fall in love with Alana. This sistah is crazy badass and had me at “killin’ suckas while breastfeeding.” I swear, that alone has to be of THE hottest things ever. Alana breastfeeds anytime and anywhere sans cover up. Cover up for what? I can’t have her wings, but I’ll take triple doses of her moxie, any day. I love how Alana’s passion for this one book, led her to her husband and all of her drama!

The nerd girl in her named her daughter after her favorite librarian, now that’s some stuff that I would do, except my favorite librarian’s name was Gertrude and well… I doubt that little Gerty would be so happy with that. So, she names the baby after her favorite librarian and then later takes refuge with her family in the home of the author of the book that brought her little diverse family together??!!! Again, who does that? Alana takes fan-girling to the next level and still stays trill!
Beautiful, brown, nerd, winged, armed with a gun in one hand and an infant in the other? Alana can do absolutely no wrong in my book. Oh, did I mention her green tinted half-hawk? Yes, Lawd!!! Alana, Alana, Alana.- Izetta

Penny Rolle: Bitch Planet

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Why do I love Penny? Because she is unapologetic, so fierce in her self-love in a world that is designed on and feeds on her self-hate. Her strength comes from her past, particularly her relationship with her grandmother which was forged in an oven of baked goods and love and then tragedy. Every scene from her one-shot introduction in Bitch Planet #3 feels like it was written for me: the cooking, the hair straightening torture scene, her constant attempts to follow the rules until I just can’t, just can’t fake it any more and I lose my shit and smash that guy’s face in with a rolling pin…okay, so I haven’t resorted to assault and battery yet (there but by the grace of God), but I’ve wanted to. I identify with Penny’s rage. I aspire to her eventual serene self-confidence. Born Big is her motto and she doesn’t back down from that and doesn’t regret it. She is who she is, unbroken and non-compliant. I love Penny because she is too big, born too big, not just in size but in spirit.-Leslie

Rei Hino (Sailor Mars): Sailor Moon

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My bae is fire. You could say she’s Supah Hot Fire (but she’s not a rapper). She’s a sailor but she has no ships. My bae is Rei Hino from Sailor Moon aka. Sailor Mars. Her attitude towards men makes her too bootylicious for ya babe. She knocks dudes back from all sides just from sensing their approach like she’s Matt Murdock. She only wants a boyfriend so she can boss him around and with her you’re never Irreplaceable. Sailor Mars has some trust issues so if you want to drive your van into her heart, she has to LET you. She has the power to control, manipulate and create fire. Her sweet song lifts me higher, like the sweet song of the choir, she’s a hunk of burning love. She wears designer heels with her uniform when she’s fighting evil (usually by moonlight with her bestie Usagi) and never running from a real fight.

She starts as a girl who argues with Sailor Moon for a while before she trusts her. She might take some time but once she views you as a friend she’s as kind, loyal, and trustworthy as they come. She’ll still bicker with you though that ain’t going away anytime soon. She’s a shrine maiden so if you ever get in trouble with some spirits she’ll hold you down. Need to clear out some snow? She’s got you. Need to warm up some senzu beans? She’s got you. Need to make your mixtape fire? You already know the deal. Rei is also a Sailor Scout so that alone makes her prime bae material. She’s also a pro Karaoke singer. Rei Hino love you bae.- Willie

Kate Bishop: Young Avengers / Hawkeye

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I could very well be biased by the fact that she mirrors some women I’ve dated in my lifetime, but Kate Bishop is easily the first woman who comes to mind when we talk about “fictional bae” status. I mean, how can you not fall head over heels for a rough and tumble, sharp tongued would-have-been debutante heroine whose first appearance in comics was thwarting terrorists who crashed her (ill-fated) wedding? I’m almost totally convinced that her high school yearbook picture read “Most Likely to Pull You Out Of A Barfight That She Threw The First Punch In.”

Always a handful, never a sidekick, the second to take up the Hawkeye mantle is constantly keeping her older train wreck of a partner, Clint Barton on his toes. Though she’s been a longtime member of the Young Avengers, she was really given room to shine in Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye. If it ever gets it’s at the small screen….move over, Black Widow, the millenials will have another phenom on their hands.-Oz

Grey Worm: A Game of Thrones

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Grey Worm of the Unsullied (Game of Thrones)
Grey Worm: former slave, leader of the Unsullied, fanned over and respected by Black Twitter and an opponent not to be taken lightly on the battlefield. The Unsullied are deadly warriors who lack euipment in a certain area, yeah they enuchs boo, but that hasn’t made their leader Grey Worm any less popular or deadly. In fact, it’s just resulted in storm of memes and related imagery of the NSFW kind. LORDT. –Carrie

Bellamy Blake: The 100

Bellamy Blake: The Man, The Myth, The Magnificent. I will state right here and now, that the CW’s science fiction, post-apocalyptic show, The 100, has issues regarding racial and ethnic understandings. That is something that must be stated, analyzed, and explored. I do not want to see played out tropes and stereotypes, and needless racism showboated on an otherwise pretty great show. I will also say, that The 100 has a dynamic cast, with great characters, development, and themes.

It is one hell of a ride. One of the characters, Bellamy Blake, played by Australian Bob Morley, has been one of the main reasons why this show is so freaking great. He has played the infamous anti-hero with charisma, charm, and surprising depth for a CW show. Blake is a man with a conflicting past and moral compass, that finds his way into the role of a leader and a survivor. He is also extremely good looking. So good looking in fact, that he’d give Zoolander a run for his money. –Monica

America Chavez: Young Avengers / A-Force

Art by Black Moon Squad
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Art by Black Moon Squad

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Is this what we do now? We mention Bae’s without first and foremost putting the most trill bae on the jumbo tron first? It should be a known known that America Chavez formerly of The Young Avengers and currently rocking the A-Force jersey is bae day every day of the week. Who else you know rocking boy shorts, hoop earrings and throwing up a hoodie before jumping into the fucking fray to stomp everybody out. She broke the law of physics by decking cat’s whose heads were black holes and knocking them out cold, she jumps through different realities via b-girl’ing through the very space time continuum .

She’s show herself to be more than capable as a field leader, having no fear on the front line and a queer woman of color of few words because she lets her fists go Rated Teen for violence across anybody’s face. Now when America Chavez does speak? Ayebody listen cause ayeeeeebody can get it. She got quips, sarcasm, and battle cries for days. To be clear ain’t nopbody fucking with Chavez’s kick game or fists game. You better act like you know and salute Miss Fleek in the Flesh when you her in the pages. – Omar

Mikasa Ackerman: Attack On Titan

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Look, I’m gonna be straight up with you. On a late night drive home some years back, I somehow had the revelation of a great name for my daughter while my wife was 6 months pregnant. Months later, I made my way (late) to finally watching Attack on Titan. Had I known about that manga or show when it first dropped, I would’ve tried to name her Mikasa. My wife would’ve shot that down. So basically, what I’m saying is, if I had seen Attack on Titan early enough, my daughter would probably have a different name than she does today. That’s how serious this shit is fam.

You know who gives zero fucks about your sentiment? Mikasa Ackerman. You know who was been feared by the village boys before she ever got her hands on some 3D maneuverability gear? Mikasa muthafuckin Ackerman. I mean we can talk about her and Eren killed a dude when they were barely old enough to be potty trained or we can talk about how she almost took down the Female Titan by herself. Or we can talk about how she was so heartbroken about Eren’s assumed death that she took out a squad of titans because she didn’t have shit else to do. And that’s what separates Mikasa from others is her unwavering loyalty to Eren. That’s like having a blood oath from a teenage Psylocke. Sign. Me. Up.

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  • jazzypom (@jazzypom)

    For Kate Bishop, it was her sister (Suz/Suzanne) who was getting married. Kate was her sister’s bridesmaid.

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