I got questions.

Why does Jared hate Richard so much? Is it because Jesus has a better hairstylist and he’s jealous? How is Morgan bold enough to ask for his stick back but won’t fight against the tyrannical force that is the Saviors? Where did Diane’s sister get that dress from?

Is Ezekiel upset because Benjamin has a spine? What kind of painkillers is Jerry on that he’s so happy all the time despite shadowing the cowardly king and his tiger?

Where did Richard get a crossbow? How hard was Daryl when Richard handed him that crossbow?

Does Richard know how big the Saviors actually are? How long has he been planning on setting Saviors on fire? Did he think Daryl would be okay with setting up some nameless person to die? Did Richard think turning his back on Daryl was a good idea after he pitched that whole your-friend-is-definitely-going-to-die plan?

Why are these garbage dump living people filtering into this open space like they’re about to get in formation? How hard is it to walk into and empty space and just form two lines? Why did that take 15 minutes? What emo section of a Spencer Gifts did they steal their all-black wardrobe from?

Who cuts this chick’s hair? And with what? Why does Rich’s pitch to Jadis about their lives already belonging to the Saviors (and therefore they can’t belong to the garbage people) sound so much like that anti-woman bullshit women have to say to (try to) avoid being murdered? Do you already have a boyfriend Rick? Do you?

Was Jadis’s plan to just kill the Alexandrians? And that was going to be accomplished melee style? Since when is Gabriel a useful member of society? How many commandments did he break between holding a knife to that woman’s throat, promising to steal whatever Jadis wants, and attempting to recruit these monosyllabic garbage dwellers to kill?

What is the Up-Up-Up? And who stole these people’s conjunctions? Why are you talking like Elmo from Sesame Street? How did Rick not see this fall coming? I repeat: how did Rick not see this fall coming?

Am I supposed to believe that Michonne wouldn’t have let loose the fury after seeing Rick pushed down a literal hill of garbage into pit? Did Rick just hit this spike-headed zombie with a keyboard from 1992? So now Coach Michonne is just gonna Duke Evers him through this deathmatch?

Why is Rick so sure that if Jadis and the Junkyard crew join the fight that they’ll all be successful? Did I miss a fight scene wherein they proved that they were worth the trouble? Doesn’t “We take, we don’t bother” as a life motto scream out into the universe “We are punks”? What does Rick see that I don’t? Why did we spend half of this episode in a Thunderdome-inspired trash heap?

How is Carol so clean living in a one room shack by herself? Who made that cobbler? How hard is Carol going to judge that baked good knowing she made cookies from canned beets and a dream? If Carol is this happy to see Daryl, why is this still a family show?

Is Gabriel really giving a Remember the Titans-type pep talk to… himself? Rick? When are all the Alexandria ladies going to drag Rosita’s attitudes having-ass outside the fence and jump her like it’s 3:15 outside of middle school?

Can I just go back to Carol for a second? Is she really crying next to a fireplace asking her friend to lie to her? Why does Daryl lie to her? How can she possibly believe him? Why? Just good lord, why is Killer Carol pudding soft right now? Why does Daryl leave? What is even happening?

Is Daryl petting a tiger? Why is everyone losing their self-preservation instinct? Why isn’t he feeding Morgan to the tiger? How did Morgan hand Daryl the accurate AF read about not telling Carol? Did he hold up a mirror like “Oh, you mad at me?! You mad at me?! And you out here like ‘Yeah, I’ll say hi to Abraham and Glen who are totally still alive and breathing?’ FOH, Daryl”?

Where is Daryl walking to? Ain’t an entire group of sociopaths looking for him? Why is he leaving the only safe place he could be? Why is he leaving a broken Carol knowing that Richard is thinking of her as bait?

What is going on?

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