‘War For The Planet Of The Apes’ Trailer Just Dropped and Caesar Is Fed Up With You People

[quote_simple]“Try to make believe this is not just madness, because this is not, just madness.”[/quote_simple]

I’m going to say some shit that I would’ve never thought I would say back in 2010 when the trailers started jumping off for Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes: The prequel Planet of the Apes movies might be one of the top 3 movie trilogies of the last ten years, fam. I bullshit you not. Now yes, the titles are getting fuckin’ ridiculous. I’ll be the first one to admit. I hope this is the last film, only because I don’t need the “Requiem for the Fallen from the War For the Planets Of the Apes” or “The Last Survivors of the Resistance That Followed The War For the Planet Of The Apes.” If we can get past these grandiose and yet unoriginal naming conventions, we can recognize how flames these movies have been.

I won’t be fooled again, yo. Y’all caught me off guard with the first two films where I was like, “ain’t nobody trying to be in these streets Stannin’ for no fuckin’ Planet of the Apes prequels, my mammal. Ain’t nobody out here workin’ your street team trying to get muthafuckas to the theater to see no fuckin’ monkeys doing sign language, fam.”

MY BAD. That shit ain’t below my radar anymore. As Omar Holmon said, where the fuck is my “Caesar was right” T-shirt at? How we not out here in these streets forests riding for the Apes on some #DownWithEvolution shit? First y’all ran experiments on your boy. Then, you came up in my domicile and disturbed our peace ‘cuz you muthafuckas can’t live without electricity (we doing just fine outchea by the way). Not to mention, you caused a fuckin’ civil war in my hood that I had to deal with. And now you just gonna straight up invade my home. Where my family lay they tufted heads at? Where I raised my babies chimps? You gonna walk up in your Call of Duty pre-order bonus gear with the green laser scope M-4’s with a full squad thinkin’ you ’bout to Manifest Destiny the fam?

Nah, b. Fuck allllllllll dat. We ain’t got time clocks in the woods, but that don’t mean you won’t get all this work. And it’s the holiday season too? Overtime, my mammal. Let me let Da Gawd tell it.

“I did not start this war. I offered you peace. I showed you mercy. But now you’re here. To finish us off, [writer added upward inflection] for good?”

SHEEEEEIIIIITTTT. Y’all better let Caesar lead the free world like he was born and created to do, fam. Woody Harrelson, my villain, I hate it had to be you. This ain’t ’bout you, my dude. This about the Apes getting these bows and arrows and shotgun blasts while riding horseback through the woods with the endless supply of buckshot off, fam.

One time for the Silverbacks that are always met with lethal force because these “humans” will always fear them first and talk about them as dangerous after the fact. One time for the chimpanzees that are deemed a threat because they’re too smart and inspiring to their own causing “humans” to fear the uprising. I know I’m breaking every fuckin’ cardinal sin of being Black and woke in America, but fuck it, I’m siding with the Apes, man. That’s just what this is now. You saw the election results, fam. If we can’t have progress, then maybe we go the other way. Caesar ain’t the hero we deserve, but he’s the hero we need.


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  • William is the Editor-In-Chief, leader of the Black Knights and father of the Avatar. With Korra's attitude, not the other one.

  • Show Comments

  • Evil Ninja (@EvilNinjaX24)

    I’m riding for Caesar, fam. Humans need to be put down like the rabid dogs we are.

  • Tom Wear

    Great piece as usual, but I do want to defend the naming convention — it’s a shout back to the original series from the 70’s: Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, Beneath the Planet of the Apes, Escape from the Planet of the Apes, Ricardo Montalban Saves the Planet of the Apes, etc. etc. I like that they’re doing it the same way with the new ones.

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