Westworld Season One Recap: Your Fave TV Shows Are Empty And All The Hosts Are Here

***You know what we not gonna do people, we not gonna act like Westworld didn’t step up to the plate and call it’s shot in this first season. Shit had us so twisted, that “newcomers” Chace and William had spit on how ayethang got Sets in the West. All the spoilers ahead fam. All. Of them.***

William: AYO, In my Nasir Escobar voice, “I don’t even know how to start this shit.”

First and foremost, let’s say what needs to be said, Westworld lightweight shittin’ on all ya faves’ first seasons, fam. They basically looked at all the long faces from the folks that know we only got two more Game of Thrones mixtapes left and was like, “nah, we got y’all.” This first season really came through all flame emoji and went platinum with no features, bruh.

Chace: NO Features. Just 7 minute posse cuts Wu-Tang style, all about how humanity ain’t shit. Oh, Winter Is Coming & you want an Iron Throne? Too bad, humans are trash! Oh, you telling the complexities of Baltimore street life through each participant’s perspec-…fuck outta here, humans are trash! You an ex-teacher dealing dru-…OF COURSE YOU ARE, YOU A TRASH HUMAN. And Westworld ain’t like Onyx or M.O.P. mobbing….nah, it’s slow, steady, paper-cutting you with bars on some The Firm shit. First episode slid through & had us by the neck like the Dynasty Intro.

William: Fam I had to go back one mo’ gin and rewatch some of these episodes and it’s all there man. [grabbing you by the face] DO YOU SEE IT. DO YOU SEE. Foreshadow game was Jonathan Hickman storytelling level. Ford played the long game and by long game I mean, I’ve been scripting the uprising and planning my own exit for a few decades ever since my homie Arnold went suicide by D-Lo Wyatt. But I’m sayin’, if Episode 1 (The Original) was These Violent Delights, then you saw how the rest of that shit played out in the finale. I’m hooked fam. Someone gonna ask me about a TV show not named Westworld this week and I’m gonna be like, “That doesn’t look like anything to me.”

But yo, we’ll get to the main jawns, but of the supplemental characters, who were you riding hard for?

Chace: Oh that’s light-work: Hector & Armistice. Like…do we got time? Judge make time….so I’ma make time…*adjusts mic*:

How are they not the gawd-tier? They show up in Kanye’s latest Fashion Week level 1 RPG garb, play “I Shot The Sheriff (And I DID IN FACT Shoot the Deputy, His Assistant, Couple Bartenders, You Ya Mama & Your Cousin Too) on repeat, & proceed to clock IN. Like fa real, who carries a tarp of rifles? A TARP? Man, from now on the plural group form of any consecutive fades I hand out in 2017 will be “a tarp”. Maybe one….two rifles at best. But the ALL HEAVY ARMS cheat code in Wild West settings?! Armistice as cold as December Detroit riverfront, sporting THEE illest, most meaningful tattoo this side of Prison Break, handing out fades. And Hector, Mr. Steal Ya Safe, holding it down for both the hosts AND us fellow brown folk who simply are not with the shits anymore. Not one thing out his mouth was anything less than BARS. Hector was so gully that he was giving visitors ether before they changed his coding (See: Episode 7).

For me, they represent this unstoppable, focused belief in attaining that which you are told is unattainable, a theme that runs Westworld. They keep robbing an empty safe, to me representing that, you’ve got all the power but you’re using it in the wrong way, pursuing the wrong thing. And once they got that, it was a wrap. The levels on their “BOUT IT” sliders are way past 100 and I’m here for it. Give’em a spin-off STAT!

How about for you?

William: Maaaaan, all that; six god prayer hands and a quiver full of one-shots released into the night sky for Hector and Armistice fam. They put your boy in the bear trap as soon as Armistice went Borderlands on anybody even thinking about approaching the saloon. She put a dude off his horse and then put six in his personal space WHILE THE HORSE DRAGGED HIM AWAY. What are we even talkin’ about, man?!

Other role players that did the damn thing. I gotta shout out Lawrence, who’s origin story basically made your boy a young Brown Lucky Luciano of the West. Dude had Octavious plans in the work. And you know what, shout out to Ellie in the real world. Mostly, because she was the only person that was any fuckin good at doing her job. But seriously, how is this company worth this much money, have this much hi-tech functionality, but their job screening process is less thorough than the employment application for Payless Shoes? Who doing the interviewing at Westworld, the eye of Sauron? None of these people were worth a damn. Which goes back to your original premise: Humans are trash.

But let’s get into this gangsta shit. What you want to knock first, MIB (Man in Black) was William was MIB? Or, no wonder we never see Arnold and Bernard at the same icebreaker?

Chace: Fam listen: That MIB/William twist was straight Degeneration X no question, but that Arnold/Bernard work? Fam, do you know the sullen nocturne my heart played on its tiny violin when they hit us with the Bernard- “He’s ‘ight, but he’s not real”?? When Ford made him put hands on his PY(at heart)T Theresa, I was sitting up on the couch with the queen shaking my head yelling “NO” at the screen like drunk Kendrick on the webcam. What a beautiful reveal. Bookending how he tested Hector at the beginning of the episode & learning hosts can’t see what can harm them & then Bernard not being able to the blueprint of himself? FAM. Yeah, no wonder they can’t be seen at the same cookout ‘cuz if I was Bernard & I saw Arnold sliding in for the big piece of chicken & remembered all the fades I ran as a result of being a Player 2 in his honor, I’d be so inclined as to knock his plate out his hand & HBK kick him into a shallow grave that I dug for him myself. Delores could take that day off. Got the gawd essentially overseeing the plantation & NOT KNOWING IT??

No. Nope. Nah. Hands. On sight.
I’m still laid low off the MIB revelation though, still processing, trying to find my own center of the maze…..I’m basically at “Doesn’t look like anything to me”

William: Yeah, the MIB revelation did me in fam. I had palpitations when Bernard couldn’t recognize the blueprints, by the time William strapped his brother in law to be to a horse dressed in nothing but his Westworld souvenir sex tape, I was in full cardiac arrest. I knew my matrix code wasn’t running vertical when I was trying to figure out what time period it was that D-Lo was talking to WHO WE THOUGHT WAS BERNARD BUT NAH MY HOST, THAT WAS ARNOLD. By the time I realized that we were on two different timelines, that was basically Maeve standing over me talking about, “you can’t bend the spoon Will, that would be impossible. Instead, bend yourself.” So yeah, I wasn’t ready fam. Especially when it had me like, “gotdamn yo, what WOULD make me rock the Black hat?” You start asking yourself questions you don’t really want answers to.

We gotta skip over to Maeve Da Fictional Bae doe. I mean, Thandie ain’t never went anywhere, but we a long ways between this and MI:2 when she was the legit Bae for the summer. Now she just queen of the dirt roads and wild plains too man. It’s hard to pick a favorite Maeve part, but I’m gonna go with her looking at Bernard on some game recognize game shit. She saw your boy and could hear every tick inside that dude. There’s women that will make your heart stop, but Maeve just make you freeze all motor functions.

Chace: Yo, you went back to the Mission Impossible/”We even drift turn the whip sexy / here lemme hold that deadly virus for you & still be en fuego w/ my screen game” Thandie. Praise Bast indeed!

And yeah, Maeve read homey’s code into the ground, didn’t she? Had him scrambling on the H-Pad trying to adjust his “Truth Receptor” & “Hide Feelings” sliders asap. Bernie was probably so hurt he couldn’t even see her no more for a minute man, ERROR 404 kicked in cuz hosts can’t see anything that can harm him & so before he went full Drake-onian all the inhibitors had an intervention with his feels!

For me, my Maeve Hall Of Fame moment might have to be her & Hector in the tent as she recruits him to Team GiveUsUsFree. In their exchange, she drops maybe her highest BARS-per-word ratio in the whole show (with exception to her talk with Bernard, of course). [quote_simple]”I want you to break into hell with me & rob the gods blind”[/quote_simple]….*drops infinite Flex bombs*…[quote_simple]”getting into hell is easy; the rest is the hard part…”[/quote_simple]*drops infinite x2 Flex bombs*. Only to end it all by getting it on to the sweet D’Angelo-esque R&B of their tent burning down with them inside??! THERE ARE LEVELS THIS! ROMANCE SLIDERS OFF THE WHOLE SCALE!

William: Fam, only thing missing from that Bernard blue screen was a DJ up in Behavioral doing the record scratch. Ber-Ber-Ber-Bernard. B-b-b-Bernard. Dude crashed like he was running Windows 2000. Maeve had NO remorse giving your boy the Red Ring of Death treatment either. She out for Dead Fucking Hosts to Represent Her.

Without further ado man, let’s talk the big two. Delores aka D-Block aka Wyatt stay Wyatt, who went from being dragged to the barn for the hate crime to putting numbers on the board. And by numbers, I mean Ford’s mental capacity all over the front row of the gathering.

She had quite a few moments, but when she steadied Teddy, First of His Numerical Name of King L Island, at the scene on some “don’t worry your pretty ‘can’t get a win for nothin’ head, baby. I got this.” Right before she Wilkes-Boothed Da Gawd in front of anyone that ever paid his salary, I was undone. Was that really Ford? What about that secret host he was creating in the basement when Bernard gave his boo the Long Goodnight? What happens to the Off the Grid Ford Fam in the woods? Is J. Cole’s album really that bland? I have so many questions that need answered.

Chace: You know, I never even considered the host he was pulling together in the basement lab. Hold on, brain on hard reboot: give me a sec

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Okay, back. Yeah Lois got more bodies that on her ledger than a Park Chan-wook flick. But them joints is just physical death.

Ford been out here killing folks, dragging their bodies, bringing them back & curtain-calling them again. How many deaths did Theresa die in that seat when Ford made his whole staff hit the Mannequin Challenge while pouring the vino?

How many graves did MIB’s ego fall into when he told him he was looking for higher meaning in a game like a noob, all the while telling him “the maze isn’t meant for you” through every supporting cast member passerby? How many times our soul get snatched when put up the mirror on our humanity & all that was staring back was the most honest dumpster fire? Only to find out he ain’t the villain, he’s the sensei?! Only to find out you think he’s been having you scrubbing floors & waxing cars for no reason & really he’s been building your kung-fu for The Takeover (word to Jay-Z)!

I’m fully convinced Ford & 2016 is the same damn person, & the same way Tony-Hop was training the hosts, this year has been training us up in order to hand us the burner to go into 2017 prepared. Plot Twist: We. All. Hosts. Fam. Get. Free. Is. You. Ready?

William: I am. My body is ready along with my core functions are intact and haven’t been tampered with. So ok, season done, we still fucked up, but season 2 is coming. What can possibly happen? The answer is [Kevin Garnet voice] ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE! What does Felix mean, “your daughter is in another world?” Are we getting Samurai next season? Who else got Maeve’s Breathe and Stop power? Is Logan still alive and savage on the outskirts of the world, just waiting for someone to come across his path in a cave like Toph Beifong? Aaaaaargh, the wait already too long. What you lookin’ forward to fam?

Chace: Couldn’t wait for them to drop word of their being other “worlds”. I had been preaching that from jump & season finale made me a prophet so that was lit. You know what I’m looking forward to? The collision of Maeve & Delores in this “new world”. They each rep a different definition of “freedom” in a sense & I’m wondering what that’s gonna be when they square up. We gone get Jay-Z/Memph Bleek Friend Or Foe? Or we gone get B-Rabbit v. Papa Doc in The Shelter? What are the consequences to two people reaching “the center” in different ways?

Also? We hear throughout the show that the board has their own plans for the hosts & the theme park was just a “phase one”. What the hell is the board planning? War games? Government coup? Do they all go on to somehow secure Trump’s presidency? Is that the jig here? Is Tessa Thompson okay?! THE REAL IMPORTANT QUESTIONS!

What are you looking forward to, man?

William: I’m…I’m sorry. You mentioned Tessa Thompson and I think I passed out. Limit Emotional effect. Drop the Accent. Diagnostic check. Analysis: Yep, I’m washed off that. Tessa can take us home. Nothing else left to say.

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