Season: 1 / Episode: 7 / Starz
***Spoilers be taking the proper precautions so they can’t identify the body. Previous COUNTERPART recaps are here***
Maaaaaaaaan, listen. I know I’m supposed to start this shit off proper, but I need y’all to know I still ain’t recovered from that Clare bombshell from last episode. And speaking of Clare… and speaking of recovering… My money is on this little girl identifying her parents as the one little girl that will one day rule us all. Bruh, why standing in a whole building worth of blue Ziploc bodies like this was The Wire after they pulled the bodies out the vacants? This shit is Earth Prime in ’97. Remember when folks were talking about that epidemic? Well, this look like some first hand shit.
Clare got a new school, but she having a hard time adjusting, yo. She wanna go home and her teacher like, AIN’T NO HOME, FAM, SORRY TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YA. The teacher telling her about gazelles and lions and surviving. But something telling me that Clare don’t see herself as the fuckin’ gazelle in that story.
Clare seemed to be doing alright until they pulled her out of class. They walking her through the same underbelly and this shit looking like the Red Room and shit. We making Widows / Sparrows / Romanoffs down here man? Short answer… uh, yes. Turns out there is an (upward inflection) operating table down here? The teacher is like, so check it… we gonna have to break your legs…
…that’s it, yo. No jokes, no punchlines, not even a fuckin’ explanation. Clare so fucked up, she thinks it’s because she wrote in a library book. Yo, fuck your library if that’s what late fees look like, my gawd. And no anesthesia? What is happening, man?!?! I’m legit shook.
Adults Towards Kids Can Be Cruel
Flash forward to Clare laid up with casts on both of her legs. Either this is six weeks later, she on the best pain killers known to man, or she has no nerve conductors in her body cuz she calm as fuck when the teacher comes back in. Teacher gives her some pictures of her family. Well, not her family. Other Clare’s fam enjoys skiing and not being dead. Teacher breaks down the Earth Fission that happened ten years previously.
She tells Clare that they had to break her legs cuz Other Clare broke her legs once too and if she’s going to go over there and replace her one day, she gotta do everything she do. Man listen, Clare gotta hate Minding Her Own Business Clare already, right? She got broken legs for nothing. Man, she better not date no terrible men, get an STD, none of that shit. Clare gets her mission early, one day, she gotta go hurt that world.
Bumping The Infamous Mobb Deep
Back in the present tense, your boy Saint Pete is fucking SHOOK. Part I, Part II and the instrumental by itself. It’s supposed to be his birthday party but he is stressed the fuck out. He takes all the cigars out of his humidor and asks Snake Ass Clare to go get some more cuz they are missing her father’s favorite.
While she out, Saint Pete calls over Howard in Black. He running through all their shit. HIB manhandling the wedding photos and all that cuz he know shit is a liiiiiiieeee. They up in her medicine cabinet and find a cyanide pill. Yeah, I know that Susie Homemaker life ain’t no picnic, but cyanide seems like a red flag.
Flashback to SAC still recovering and she listening to briefings on Minding Her Own Business Clare. Her favorite subjects and shit while pinning up pictures. Also turns out, SAC didn’t get pulled out of school to get her legs broke, THIS IS STILL SCHOOL. All these little bastards outchea getting this good ol’ indoctrination. Also, she getting friendly Spencer and his braces and it looks like this ain’t on the curriculum. Also, it looks like the timetable is getting moved up cuz MHOBC’s pops about to get promoted. She getting quizzed and passing the oral exams, but failing on the body language. Also, this little bastard Spencer just trying get disappeared with this smiling shit.
Snake Ass Clare To You
Snake Ass Clare wonders where Spencer is suddenly and the teacher is like, yeah, he got called up already. She wants to see Spencer again and her teacher smacks the shit out of her for her troubles. She gives her the soldier speech. This shit is war. Also, shoutout to suffering and its many wonders of growth… this shit is fucking wild, yo.
In the present, HIB grilling Saint “I don’t miss anything” Pete about his wife’s background. Admittedly, your boy is having some trouble with this shit. They start piecing this shit together and realize that SAC might have been raised on the other side to be swapped in for MHOBC. Saint Pete is like, which one did I marry and HIB gotta be like, bruh, that shit don’t really matter right now. Your boy also cops to the fact that if she knows the safe code, she knows the mobile code and it’s a good bet she got all that shit, yo.
What Pete Supposed to Do Now Huh? Its All Fucked Up Now
HIB tells Saint Pete that he gotta play along like nothing has changed and Saint Pete is like muthafucka AYETHANG HAS CHANGED. But HIB wants to use the situation to their advantage so the patron saint gonna have to smile through this cringeworthy birthday party ever.
Grown up SAC in 2013 teaching a new crop of pissed off kids that don’t even know why they should be pissed off. SAC quizzing the kids on the differences between the worlds, including the other bastards who still eat swine apparently. SAC got one problem kid who should be lucky that SAC ain’t smack the shit out of her.
SAC’s handler (Mira) is like, yeah so MHOBC is marrying this dude in strategy. Now be the time, yo. And enter, Pope. He briefing her on how all this shit is going down once she crosses over. She get to the other side and meet Claude, the muthafucka from the embassy. Yeah, this shit been compromised, yo. He hits her with that cyanide pill like, so here’s your back up plan if this shit goes south.
Sleeper Cells Know How To Party
Man, SAC out here stalking MHOBC as she gossiping about some shit not nearly as important as her life that’s bout to be cut short. SAC in full infiltration mode and she start going to work in their home. Then she sees the landlady coming out of MHOBC’s crib and does all the niceties cuz this shit easier to her, fam.
Back in the lab, she got cameras set up in the spot and two big ass monitors for keeping tabs on her soon to be adoptive family. She outchea looking like Oracle or some shit. She is the imposter in the chair, yo. This shit is wild. She really working on MHOBC’s mannerisms, speech patterns, all that shit.
Fam, Saint Pete at his party looking Mis.Er.A.Ble. Jesus. Your dude lookin’ like he works for Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce or some shit. Pops comes through and wants to see the grandchild but the only thing your boy Saint Pete really wants to accomplish tonight is to not stop drinking. SAC notices that shit but your boy is like… ya know what, I’m gonna go take a walk now… with this drink I just poured.
The Woman In the Chair
Flashback to SAC still monitoring the situation like a developing storm or some shit. She out here witnessing the first time that St Pete MHOBC got it in. Which is a problem cuz… SAC ain’t never… got it in, as it were. Then, she tells Claude that, and Claude offers up the most typical of solutions. Man, dudes ain’t shit, yo.
Having said that, if SAC is going to lose her virginity to keep her cover, one would think she would elect a uh, controlled environment. So, the fact that she walking into a dive bar in the next scene concerns me.
Don’t take much, just sitting at the bar before SAC finds her getting her life experiences refreshed against the wall of the bar’s bathroom wall. This shit is straight up business as she tells dude to shut up and finish this shit off.
Back To the Future Betrayal
Back (forward I guess) at the party, your boy Saint Pete is a little lit and about to make his birthday toast. This shit had train wreck written all over it. Your boy Saint Pete trying to be cute (while drunk) and starts quizzing SAC on their history. Fam, she answering that shit back almost flawless but your boy basically is giving away the game when he says “to my wife, the woman I fell in love with”. Maaaaaaan, this dude.
But he’s always been a dick, but once upon a time, MHOBC caught Saint Pete cheating on her and broke that shit off. Broke. It. Off. Yeah, shit is all fucked up for SAC now cuz if there’s no marriage, she has literally been wasting her whole life to this point. Pope and the puppet-masters want this shit to happen now, as in the replacement. Literal do or die time for this shit.
Change of Heart
SAC arranges for these dudes to break into MHOBC’s house. They run up in her shit and start wrecking the place. Well, that shit goes belly up because MHOBC is more resourceful than we thought and she stabs one of the dudes to get away. When she runs down to her car and SAC snatches her up, bangs her head against the steering wheel half a dozen times, and then goes for the lights out.
How fucked up is it to see your double for the first time… while they are choking you out? Man, MHOBC ain’t never done anything to anyone except ski and fall in love with a piece of shit. The goons gotta rough up SAC so she can swap right in for Saint Pete to come in and feel like he’s comforting his fiancée. This shit is all kinds of fucked up.
Confessions Over Cocktails
SAC and her not-Dad over on the couch sharing ghost stories and shit while St. Pete drinking himself into a deeper depression. He’s out here on his 14th drink while looking over at their child. The guests leave and SAC’s not-Dad is like, give this cigar back to Peter. She takes that shit back to his office and realizes your boy hid all the other ones in a drawer that he was supposedly out of. Gotdamn, he sloppy af.
He couldn’t have kept this shit under wraps for like 3 hours? Jeez, what a terrible fucking spy he is. Now he’s talkin’ shit just to talk shit. And THEN THIS BASTARD ADMITS HE KNOWS. My gawd, man. How the hell did he get this fucking post?
Ok, But Saint Pete Ain’t That Bright
Ok, here’s the thing: Saint Pete gonna threaten her, talkin’ about take your cyanide pill since it’s the only way out if you’ve been caught. And she’s a fucking trained spy. She’s been impersonating someone else in deep cover for at least a long time for his knowledge. Does he not think she is trained for this shit? Does Saint Pete really think that if someone gotta go, it’s gonna be her?
And then we flashback to their baby being born and SAC naming the baby Spencer. Fam, you done named my child after your childhood sweetheart from the other fuckin’ side. Oh hell nah, man. This is bad. This is all (amazingly) bad in the best way.