“And You Say Hell’s Kitchen!” Man, we up in the nitty fucking gritty of New York City. This is where the Devil likes to cook his eggs, bacon, grits, and SAUSAGE! We’re introduced to a young Matt Murdock saving an old dude from getting hit by a truck, but at the cost of getting some toxic waste (the same ooze that made the TMNT) in his eyes. Fate done robbed the boy of his sight, but he got a whole bunch of other gifts to give the world. Fast forward a few years and we see Matt “Murda” Murdock with his boy Foggy Nelson opening up a law practice. Thanks to Foggy bribing a friend that happens to be a cop (got’em cigars for his moms) he tips them off to their first client, Karen Page, a woman that woke up with a knife in hand and a dead co-worker on her carpet. You know how hard it is to get blood out of a white carpet? Club soda don’t fix that so they already know her ass innocent as hell.

[quote_right]”Vanessa is down as fuck… Fisk was doing the Birdman hand rub for the first time in his life thinking he is truly now the #1 stunna.”[/quote_right]Turns out Karen is being set up by her old company for discovering some discrepancies on the books. Karen done dug too deep and the corporation’s out to get her ass like interwebs did Sandra Bullock in The Net. They went and hired a security guard to take her ass out, man. Karen fought her way outta that situation, which got enough time for her lawyers to “Oh hell no” the situation to get her free. We then get Karen going back to her apartment for a USB drive containing mad evidence, but there’s an assassin waiting for her. That when we see Matt Murdock out and fucking about in nothing but Under Armor and his mama’s stocking on his face! He out here doing butterfly kicks that put all Roy Harper’s unnecessary parkour moves to shaaaaaaaame cause Matt makin’ the shit look so necessary. He drops the assassin and the USB off to the local newspaper where the story gets written up by the gawd of reporting, Ben Urich.

We discover more about the company as it has ties to the triade, the yakuza, the Russians, and a man named Wesley who works for an employer whose name is not to be said (Wilson “MY NAME IS MY NAME” Fisk). The Russians try and take care of Matt after he done fucked up their human trafficking ring. Matt meets Claire who found him ass-up and bleeding to death in a dumpster. She’s an EMT that patches him up and helps him out from time to time. The Russians eventually come for her and Murdock puts the fisticuffs to their whole crazy taxi operation. It isn’t until Wesley comes to Nelson and Murdock to get one of their killers off the hook that Matt starts to get wind of this clandestine cabal trying to take over Hell’s Kitchen. Man, Matt and Foggy got this dude off a murder charge, then Matt went to whoop his ass for a name. He gave up Fisk and was so shook about it that he took his own damn life. You know you got too much gawd on your side when cats say ya name and take their own life.

We then see Wilson Fisk out here getting his art decor up. He falls for the art distributor, Vanessa. Y’all… Vanessa is down as fuck, she knew something was up with Fisk and that he’s involved in crime and does not give a damn. Fisk was doing the Birdman hand rub for the first time in his life thinking he is truly now the #1 stunna. I mean, he did lose his cool when one of the Russian heads interrupted his date with Vanessa… thereby making him take dude’s head off… but that’s beside the point. He managed to frame Matt (only known as “the man in the black mask/stocking” on his face) for that. Matt Murda had to fight off the Russian mob out for his head, man.

Meanwhile, Karen Page was told to sign a non-disclosure agreement with her old employer to keep her mouth shut about them trying to kill her and what not. So what does she do? She went to the fucking 50 Cent of reporters, Ben Urich, for help. Ben was back on the scene and working with Karen to dig up more research on Fisk. He even gives her tips to stay alive in the game, as he been doing this shit for dumb long. [quote_left]”Nobu dawned his red Ninja Gaiden alternate outfit and proceed to hack-slash the fuck outta Matt.”[/quote_left]When a housing tenement comes into play that Fisk was going after, we see Ben come into the fold over at Nelson and Murdock as they become a team trying to take Fisk down. Matt has a run in the last Russian head of the gang, Vladimir (whose brother was killed by Fisk). Vladimir eventually realizes Matt’s been telling the truth and that Fisk straight played his ass (he blows up all their locations).
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Fisk went and took the Russians’ spot over like he was playing Risk, Monopoly, and Sorry (but he wasn’t thooo). Matt’s trainer Stick came back and we saw how he became the King of the Butterfly Kicks via flashback. Stick straight up left his ass when a young Matt was on the verge of his prime and made him a friendship bracelet. MY MAN STICK CRUSHED THAT SHIT WITH THE QUICKNESS AND SAID “FUCK IT, WE DONE HERE” LIKE A BEAST! Stick enlists Matt’s help to stop Nobu from acquiring a deadly weapon known as the Black Sky. Matt agrees to help him until he finds out the weapon is a child, and he prevents Stick from killing him… until Stick just found another way. Matt then proceeds to try to beat Stick on the sticks and finally does so. He sees Stick actually kept the bracelet he made for him after all these years. [quote_right]”Karen grabs the piece and puts 6 in his ass.”[/quote_right]Stick thinks Matt may be ready for the war coming but is still unsure. Meanwhile Ben was about to drop the dime on Fisk to start some buzz going, but then Fisk stepped into the media spotlight exposing himself but as a good Samaritan trying to clean up Hell’s Kitchen.

Nobu was maaaaad as fuck, and Fisk gets him to try and take out Matt (Fisk lures Matt out by killing the woman standing up against him by refusing to move out of the tenement he was trying to occupy). He almost did too. My man Nobu dawned his red Ninja Gaiden alternate outfit and proceed to hack-slash the fuck outta Matt. You can’t be fighting a straight up ninja master in just Under Armor and ya mama’s stocking on ya face, Matt (even though that’s my favorite Daredevil outfit). Matt got the butterfly kicks shut DOWN in this fight, but he did manage to get off the hurricane kick from Street Fighter. He outsmarted Nobu for a win, but Fisk was right there like nightmares and proceeded to applaud Matty for taking out Nobu before beating the stank off his ass.

Matt finds himself back at his apartment and comes to with Foggy staring at his ass with the uber pissed face. He called Claire to patch him up, but he got beef with Matt now. This secret that Matt is the vigilante opens a rift between the two, which comes at a horrible time as Karen discovers the Kingpin’s mom and the backstory on how he killed his father. She takes Ben there as well to hear the story. Wesley finds out about this (after a poison attack occurs at a 1%’ers benefit meant for Fisk, but got his love Vanessa). [quote_right]“Fuck it, we tried to get Vanessa out the way so we could get you back on your murda music. Sue me.”[/quote_right]Wesley abducts Karen to intimidate her and this fool leaves the gun on the table. As soon as he gets a text message (probably from H&R Block) that distracts him, Karen grabs the piece and puts 6 in his ass. Matt gets help from Ben on finding the location where the triad may be holed up distributing their heroin. He also tells Matt to stop running ’round with his mama’s stocking on his face and get a better cosplay. Matt is able to destroy the heroin factory but got chumped by Madame Gao as she gets away.

But yo, things are still bad at the practice. Fisk finds out about Ben having gone to see his mom’s and then decides to merk my man right in his living room as he was just about to drop the dime on Fisk via tumblr (y’all know I’ma talk my shit on Ben gettin’ merked but thats an editorial on the way). Ben’s death starts to get the team back together as they work more angles to get at Fisk. He even convinces Fisk’s tailor Melvin Potter (THE GLADIATOR HERE, Y’ALL) to design a protective suit for him to stop Fisk so that Melvin and his partner Betsy don’t have to be afraid of Fisk anymore. Vanessa survives her poison attack and tells Fisk to get back to his “Let That AK Spray” days and get that retribution from his enemies.

The accountant Owlsley finally tells Fisk (after he did some digging) “Fuck it, we tried to get Vanessa out the way so we could get you back on your murda music. Sue me.” Owlsley went and took half of Fisk’s money and was about to dip. He reminds Fisk not to try him because he actually had one of their corrupt cops from way back holed up. If Owlsley doesn’t check in, then that cop goes straight to the feds. Son, Fisk. Ain’t. Give. A. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! He straight up dropped Owlsley down into the elevator shaft, which may as well be the pit from 300 (with spikes waiting at the bottom). Matt is able to find the officer first and gets him to turn himself in. [quote_left]”Son, they took out the corrupt cops, Senators, media workers, 99.4% of the republican party…”[/quote_left]Nelson and Murdock represent him and we got the main piece of the puzzle to take Fisk down. Son, they took out the corrupt cops, Senators, media workers, 99.4% of the republican party, EEEEEVEEERRRRYBODY!

Fisk proposed to Vanessa before being carted away by FBI, but that man done had a plan all along. He was about to meet Vanessa at the spot as he got a team of mercs to extract him from custody. Yo, dude was home free till Matt showed up in that new sleek armor. He gets his rematch against Fisk, he got the metal escrima sticks out making Nightwing jealous. Them shits connect into a staff too? Sheeeeeeeit, he was all up on Fisk’s ass this time around. Fisk got his hits off and even managed to give Matt the Gorilla Monsoon over head slam but Matt came back and ended the game with that superman punch. DIDN’T EVEN GIVE FISK THE RESPECT TO GET ANOTHER BUTTERFLY KICK! HE DEADED THAT MAN’S LIGHTS OUT! Vanessa takes off without Fisk and we see the homie holed up in jail… waiting… plotting… and about to get him that revenge.

Back at the office it’s all good again. Nelson and Murdock had their official super big win (still need more clients tho) and the city done gave Matt a new vigilante name. The Devil in Hell’s Kitchen is now officially “Daredevil” and the comic tv adaption game just got more serious (post-credit scenes display the TV Show Arrow crying while The Flash pats it on the back saying, “Daaaaaaaaaaamn, I hate it had to be you… you gotta admit that boy nice with the butterfly kicks dooooooooooe *sound of tears increases*)

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  • Omar Holmon is a content editor that is here to make .gifs, obscure references, and find the correlation between everything Black and Nerdy.

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