This episode we get a look into the secret life of Kat. This girl leads a double life and I am here for it. Let us begin.
A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE
We start with little Kat, 11 years old to be exact on vacation at a Sandals Resort with her family, where she apparently hates the beach and finds out that she loves virgin piña coladas, she drinks precisely 72 of them on this trip. I know this is a lot, but to me that just a good ass vacation.
But this is where a young girl’s life goes from enjoyment to insecurity real quick. She left weighing 107lbs and returned weighing 122lbs. First of all, what? I highly doubt this girl gained 15lbs on a vacation to Sandals, that ain’t nothin’ but water weight. Either way, I bet you little Kat had never even heard the word “pounds” before this. And now she’s got ideas about it. But she is at home tryna pull up her good ‘ol trusty jeans, and they are not moving past the thighs – I have this problem… every day.
She puts on her sweats because they’re the only thing that fit. Her friend comes to pick her up, (whom I assume is little Maddy or Little BB, her running crew) They take one look at her and say “What happened to you?” If Kat didn’t think anything was wrong before this – she does now! Jeez.
But none of it matters because she’s got a real one under her arm, sweet Daniel. This is Kat’s best friend and boyfriend, he seems like a sweetheart …Or Maybe no?? He looks at her and asks if she is wearing two sweatshirts (she’s not) and I’m like uhhhh this sounds fishy. ANNNND it is, this lil itch breaks up with her in a note written by his new bae! Kat, you didn’t need him anyways – also you are 11, you will like a new boy tomorrow.
Then Kat turns to the only vice we ALL do – Fanfiction. And if anyone knows fan fiction it’s almost always sexual in nature, well… the ones we paid attention to as teenagers anyways. Then the episode turns into the most unexpected visually arresting anime softcore hentai. Kat is in her element fingers outstretched overhead limbering up with yoga of the digits – getting down to business with this Harry Styles (former One Direction turned movie star) and some kid named Louis Tomlinson, fan fiction fellatio.
And in a stunning seamless transition, we go from anime Kat to IRL Kat on the bleachers.
Her classmates talking Sh** like “She doesn’t even have asthma she’s just fat and doesn’t wanna exercise.”
They don’t even know – Kat had 53,000 followers for her sexy fanfics and the screen becomes her battlefront, she calls upon her followers to strike down the haters. She is Katleesi mother of dragons breaker of sexual fantasy chains! And her Dothraki will kill for her.
If these lowlifes at school only knew who she really was they’d grovel at her feet, at least that’s how she feels. They go into the full vengeance fantasy and the school gets assaulted by arrows. I will give it to the creators, this coulda been real bad imagery, still triggering but glad it was arrows and not the familiar scene we have been experiencing in the world today.
But everything changed when that sex tape came out. We call them sex tapes, but nothing is on tape anymore. So everything changed when her sex video was front and center and available to her followers – but they loved it. They had never seen her before and now she was visible to her subjects, and they still liked what they saw. So what else do you do – you cam! Give the people what they ask for. Which means twerking with cat maaaassssk!! AAAAh I am DED DED get it!!
A DANCE WITH DRAGONS
We make it back to our girl Rue. She is in some real trouble after that naive move she pulled staying at Fez’s house when he said leave. She literally got drugged, but her circumstances and behavior got her caught out there in the first place. Fez leans on Jules and Jules looks terrified. “I’m not kidding Rue, I’m not trying to be best friends with someone who is going to kill themselves, I have enough dramatic stuff going on in my life.” That is the truth. Jules makes Rue promise to stop taking drugs, “I don’t want to be around you if you don’t stop doing drugs” and Rue promises but at a price. The price of pee! Seriously she asks for Jules pee because she knows when she gets home her mother is going to have no patience. I don’t think her mother ever had patience and Rue never had the time to care. Rue and her mom go at it like normal, but you can tell Rue is changed. Not changed in the I’m a new woman, I love you, mom, I am sorry for the things I have put you through, but then I know I fucked up but I can’t really say anything about it.
In between these shots we see Rue standing in front her NA (Narcotics Anonymous) group telling – LIES! Saying she’s 6 months clean, I was like I watched you trip like an hour ago. Granted that last time was life or death in many ways. I’ll say this casting is the real thing, the people are so genuine, the woman that comes to hug Rue to congratulate her was so sweet! Anyways I digress, the one guy who saw through her BS was this guy who looked like an ‘ol G from a 90s movie. Then he reads her for filth, confirming that he is an ‘ol G from a 90s movie. Calling her Youngblood and being like I seen that face before, I know that act, then he says “Call me when you decide to stop killing yourself and want some pancakes.” hahahaha! All I could think of was the Prince sketch on Chappelle show “want some pancakes.” But this is serious that guy was not playing – he doesn’t wanna see her kill herself.
The next few scenes are beautiful as horrifying as it is. Jules falling in love with — AAAAAH a**hole Nate. They are texting all around town – yes I said texting, not sexting.
It’s like a real-life relationship, like modern-day where texting is the ultimate emotional buy-in.
This is serious he is talking to her like “when’d you start transitioning?” Both being like ur so sweet – no ur so sweet. This man is the devil! I don’t trust him any further than the judicial system – WHAT IS GOING ON? Because you know damn well he knows who he is talking to – talking bout “I’m not gay.” on a gay dating app “I found a beautiful girl.” FU! That is the sweetest thing to say and I know it is malicious – what is he planning? I can’t do this….
He’s saying his name is TYLER and he goes to St.Mary’s while “Shyguy118” knows he is talking to Jules. He is a sadistic dangerous person, and Rue knows something is up.
Jules takes Rue’s concern for jealousy and even Rue’s voiceover lies and says she’s not jealous.
A STORM OF SWORDS
Kat has embraced her cam life path and is taking requests. Well, she isn’t exactly making a business plan and taking requests, but someone wants to see her feet. She’s is like eww show my feet? I’m like show ur feet girl!!! You know how much money some Camgirls get from just sitting on cakes or popping balloons! Her mom bursts in her room to tell her to come to dinner as she is laying on her bed (fully clothed) filming her feet and her mom is none the wiser.
Over across town or not – maybe next door, Nate is with Maddy in his car. Maddy is telling some story about being mad at her mom (probably for no reason) while Nate’s phone is blowing up – I’m assuming because Jules is texting, but we find out later it could really be anyone.
Jules is at this time bragging about “Shyguy118”’s big d***. Rue is like mmmm how do we know, because there isn’t anything for scale, it could be any size.
We then go into the very well orchestrated class on the objectively big d***. This whole episode had been pushing the boundaries of the voiceover with Rue actually talking straight to the camera, are we getting House of Cards-esque now? You know minus the terrible Spacey harassment of course. But we are beyond that into the class of Rue. So projector is on running through the various d*** pics – I am glued to the television – interest is peaked at a high.
So apparently it’s – HOW its photo’d that needs to be elevated and a lot can be told from the layout.
According to Rue whom is younger and has more experience in this so I trust her, 99% of d*** pics are unsolicited, leaving just 1% solicited. You’re probably asking yourself why am I trusting a fictional teenager on this? Well, because I have been in a monogamous relationship for the past 14 years that said… I do not have a slew of d*** pics to analyze and confirm these statements- so I trust. Basically depending on the contents of the photos it either one of the three:
The surrounding items is what really defines this. If there is lotion in the photo terrifying, weird childhood things in the room horrifying. Then for some reason, we gotta rag on the nerds and if there is a medieval sword in the picture that’s horrifying as well! jeez..
In this instance “Tyler’s” penis pic is next to an Evian water bottle – this seems acceptable for Rue, also acceptable to me too. – WAIT NO what am I saying F Nate!
Jules wants to return the favor but wants to send classy nudes and if we’ve learned anything today the quality and contents of the nude is the most important part – not titties. Jules then asks Rue to take her nuuuuudes! This is the story that ends in a fairytale (maybe) at least a modern John Hughes flick.
Kat is buying a grapefruit at school and she’s short like a quarter or something and some B**h in lines is like hurry the F up and Kat has a strength that I do not because that grapefruit would have sent someone to the nurses’ office that day. Instead, that kid from her science class spots her, she tries to stop him, but the lunch lady keeps going on about her doing the grapefruit diet TF? People always gotta make things about weight when you thick – ugh (can’t relate.)
At lunch Cassie is talking about video chatting McKay every night – cut to Lexi (Maude Apatow) being like eww cuz they share a room, like a big room – it actually looks like the den. Also, why does everyone in this show live in a bungalow? Anyways, Maddy tells Cassie she is in a long-distance relationship, it doesn’t seem that far away since he can just drive down from college like every weekend.
In meantime, Kat’s feet video is soliciting money $100 and rising her followers messaging her to one on one chat and they’ll pay – pay in bitcoin *Eyebrows raise!* Who do we go to to learn more about bitcoin? Yes, face tattoo son Ashtray! He explains that it can’t be traced so Kat’s got a glint in her eye for sure.
So Jules is in lingerie and – we’re faking selfies – I CANNOT! Jules has her arm out like she’s taking the pic but Rue is taking it. I feel like this is the romantic drama moments where the friendzoned one is like awkward that they’ve been trusted with an intimate moment and definitely don’t want to say no, but they know it’s not really what they want. And Jules asks “hot like you wanna fuck me?” about the photo and Rue’s “like meee…?” AAAHHH! This is a modern Disney story isn’t it, they’re gonna live happily ever after.
Jules realizes that Rue has been clean for two weeks – her being clean for 2 minutes is great. Then all the kisses from Jules her!
Why then does she immediately takes some pills that were on Jules’s dads counter – there goes your friendship…
A FEAST FOR CROWS
Kat has a video with chat date with the guy who was offering her Bitcoin. He’s is so excited to virtually meet her and… has a self-deprecating kink. She is so surprised, this new gig is like a trial by fire situation. Just wing it Kat! You got this! So she just makes fun of him and he loves it – She’s got her first regular client, she’s gotta get more clients!
So while She’s hanging out with Cassie who is getting ready to see McKay she is punishing her client and making BAAAANk. Cassie’s mom with this glass of rose is life! But she’s like…seriously don’t get pregnant.
Cassie is at a real-life college party and handling herself well. She’s got her man’s back, roots for him as he is pledging and is literally game for anything like drinking a goldfish. This scene was well shot too, flipping from one scene to the next really landing Cassie and McKay’s vibe.
Maddy, on the other hand, is with Nate and after some intimate moments is still feeling suspicious of all the texts he was getting from the other day and while he is taking a shower she looks at his phone. I’m biting my nails cuz I just don’t want her to see the messages from Jules. Instead, she sees all the various dick pics and makes up some excuse about her mom making her come home and runs out.
Kat exchanges her bitcoin for cash from Ashtray and heads to the mall with Maddy – Maddy asks can anyone be 100% gay or 100% straight Kat says it’s a spectrum. Maddy tells Kat about Nate (I assume).
Kat after feeling even more badass and growing into her Katleesi name heads to a department store to create her new look. Has a quick daydream fantasy about the clothing store clerk and them buys some badass clothing for her new badass confidence and DMX is playing of course. And at school, her new look is turning heads – YES!
Rue keeps taking pills – even when she promised Jules. I think it’s the anxiety, it’s like the unknown feeling of things going right being scary and the only coping mechanism you know is drugs. Your heart hurts.
Jules tells Rue that Tyler wants to meet (ugh – that’s the thing of nightmares) Rue is not excited, neither are we! As in me and all the watchers. Jules wanted Rue to feel happy for her, Rue is trying to make sure Jules is safe and Jules is like basically what’s safe in her life? “You watch way too much Dateline.” Jules is falling hard? – please… RUE is falling hard!!! She’s just standing here in front of a girl telling her she loves her. Again this is why Rue keeps taking pills besides that she’s bored.
THE WINDS OF WINTER
Jules is so hurt that Rue was not about this meeting with “Tyler” and she storms off. Rue can’t handle the fighting she goes to Jules just to apologize in such a nervous wreck way, and this is the scene in the romantic comedy where it comes out that the best friend is actually the one in love with the main character! And then it is!! Rue kisses Jules in a real tender moment
And Jules looks like Oh! And is trying to figure out what to make of it but not before Rue freaks out and leaves and runs to Fez’s house. The anxiety it overwhelming and she needs a fix.
Fez as the good conscience he is closing the door and won’t sell her drugs. This next scene breaks all the hearts that exist – All of them. She is screaming through the door banging and I give it to Zendaya she is pulling out all the stops – I just… it’s so hard to watch but if you’re anything like me you are talking to the TV like “Don’t do it Fez! Don’t let her in! Don’t open the door!”And she is really not leaving calling Fez all kinds of out his name stuff. He knows it hurts, but he knows it’s not her talking.
Rue gives up and calls Ali from NA the one who read her like no books ever been read. Time to get some pancakes.
Next episode we learn about Jules! I’m so excited. I do highly recommend watching the behind the scenes on this one, you get to speak to some of the actors and get their close insights on the characters and the beautiful scenes created in this show, and the relationships that unfold. This episode you get BTS with Kat! Yea that sounds just as kinky as I wanted it to.
And please check out the resources HBO’s Euphoria provides if you or anyone you love are going through some of the tough life situations we witness on the show. Visit at euphoriaresources.com
Want to get Black Nerd Problems updates sent directly to you? Sign up here!