Game of Thrones Recap: Eastwatch

Season: 7 / Episode: 5 / HBO ***Spoilers done developed particle beaming technology and can get from Dragonstone to King’s Landing and back instantly*** Maaaaaaan, listen. After that corny-ass Dragon’s Lair save from last week, Bronn and Jaime wash up 1) seemingly far enough down stream where they aren’t captured by Daenerys and 2) without nary a sun tan between the two of them…aiight. Bronn is like, muthafucka did you not see that mythical creature spitting Kendrick bars from the sky? The fuck were you thinking? Jaime was trying to end the war and / or never have to see his sister again. Bronn simultaneously tells him that Jaime can’t be going and getting himself killed until he pays what he owes, but also that his experience of fighting dragons was one of one. Who trying to go fight for anybody, let alone on some mercenary shit, when you just witnessed one of the original Firebenders. And there’s two more, fam? Sheeeeeeiiiiiiit. Ain’t no castle and lordship worth me Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan in the afterlife.

Tyrion walking the battlefield thinking this Hand of the King thing was a lot more fun when he was just up in a castle making plans and shit. Your boy walking past his own countrymen burnt to a fuckin’ crisp like they lived in a town below a volcano or some shit. Just human charcoal briquettes everywhere, yo. Dothraki looting these muthafuckas and leading every dude that ain’t currently or past tense on fire to mount Drogon. Daenerys gonna roll up to the pu…