Game of Thrones Recap: High Sparrow

Season: 5 / Episode: 3 / HBO Spoilers be relieving themselves into the bay before getting kidnapped… Yes, yes, y’all, here we go back up in these Thrones and we start off with Arya sweeping what looks like the dirtiest stone floor on the continent, fam. The inside of the House of Black and White look like the they took every creepy-ass statue from ancient Rome and put it in one room. I don’t know what Not-Jaqen is serving up to this dude by the spa, but I think it’s safe to say SOMETHING is in the water. I personally ain’t never said “All Men Must Serve” before taking some straight up tap water from a dude that could change his face before, so I think it’s safe to say this ain’t no regular shit. Arya fed up with sweeping floors and tells Not-Jaqen this isn’t what she had in mind as an apprentice, but Not-Jaqen tells her she gotta put in the work first and at least he ain’t teaching you no wax-off, wax-on bullshit. In Miserable Landing, it isn’t miserable for everyone, depending upon who you are. Cersei hearing “Queen Margaery” getting blasted in these streets and she’s like damn, just like the old gypsy woman said.

And then Tommen and Margaery made that shit official before gods and men. But you know how Thrones works — when cats are this young, even if you’re king and get married, nothing is official until it’s consummated. And Tommen is like, what, 14 or some shit? Plenty of time between the vows and the deed for something to happen where Margaery isn’t quite Queen yet,…