God Tier: Do You Have A Moment To Talk About Our Lord and Savior Aloy [Horizon Zero Dawn]

All Praise to the Sun God. All hail the changeling, the great blue conversion of the machine. Swordfish / Trinity hacking spear-wielding gawd. Have you heard about our Lord and Savior, Aloy? Alpha eff yo Omega. Hair kissed by fire. Moisturized with chillwater. Twisted with metalburn so that shit never come undone. Have you heard the good news? Aloy out here trying to save the tribe fam. Aloy master strider and quagmire.

I was up in the barber hut, trying to bring back that original human look. Out here doing it for the Gaia culture, nahmean. Sawtooth gonna roll up on the block, like we fuel or some shit. Your boy was lookin’ mad thirsty. Naw fam. Aloy came through like a critical strike, yo. She came through riding side saddle on the broadhead, whippin them three arrows at a time. Oh, a Ravager want to come play too? Aloy got some hardened arrows for that ass, b. Oh, was that your back mounted cannon? Fuck that. Disc Launcher supposed to mean something to me? Yo, I’m dodging your shit and they still spinning b, the discs still spinning.

Nah man, Aloy the truth, the gospel, the stained glass mosaic and the muthafuckin’ sun rays that run through it. The Bow and Arrow-tip game? Gawdly. I seent her roll out the way of a stalker, pop up and pull back on two terrablast arrows. I said she trying to cut about two of them terrablast fam, cuz that’s just what she used to. Ain’t nobody out here fuckin’ with the ghost of Legolas man! Ain’t nobody out here trying to see Lara Croft’s gr…