Humans Recap: Episode 4 – You Merely Adopted the Darkness, I Was Born In It

Humans / Season 3, Episode 4 / AMC

Previously on Humans, shit done hit the fan after Day Zero. But you already knew that shit, so we goin’ straight in. Angus outchea recalling her former life as the worst Harley Quinn of all time, performing in front of kids who literally throw tomatoes at her ass while she onstage just tryna live. Her handler is this Krusty the Clown-ass dickhole minus the make-up, ’cause he wised up when synths went mainstream and found out he could have a robot make an ass of itself instead of him.

When Maddie flipped the switch though, Agnus gained consciousness and you thought it was reckoning day on that ass. Her ass woke up inside a trunk though – like she was buried in a coffin. You want her to jack-in-the-box out that muhfucka, but she was practically a newborn and was just scared and sad. Krusty peaced out for some Krusty Burger and left her ass on Smokey Robinson status with tears of a clown.

When the flashback is over you like damn, imagine being able to remember your birth like that. You’d really wanna talk with a qualified therapist if that shit was dark. Agnus got Max instead though, so fuck it, good luck, Agnus. Every decision Max make ends up with between 4 and 110,000 deaths. He’s tryna convince her that the Dryden Commission is on their side, and it’s like yo, even if Mama Hawkins is the LeBron of advocacy, her ass is getting swept in the Finals.

Agnus agrees to meet the humans and promises to “do what is right,” which shoulda raised red flags right there but Max still in the first chapter of Sansa Stark life. Looks like he about to agree, but wait, dude is Sansa Season 5! The heel turn! The betrayal! Dude heard the story of her locked up in a casket and still turned around and locked her ass up in a room. First the refugees, now this? That’s some cold shit, Max Elster. That’s some cold shit, indeed.

Over on the other side, Mama Hawkins is giving her locker room speech to JR Smith and George Hill of the Dryden Commission. Dryden himself rolls up and Max extends a hand, but the Secret Service jumps in like he pulled a nine. Secret Service like “nah Dolly, no touchy.” Max takes it in stride though, like “you know what, Imma just hope that’s racism” and keeps it pushin’. And by “pushin'” I mean “saying way too much to these damn humans.” Fuck is wrong with you, Max? Max giving away all the war plans, talking about how they’re going to use portable batteries and shit. Like “hey, we’re your worst fear and this is how we’re trying to mobilize, isn’t that cool?” Damn, Max. Somebody really need to get this synth some books.

Back in town, Mia’s living her life with the cast of CBS’ Charlottesville outside her apartment. They got the catchy chants and everything, talking about “flesh and blood! Flesh and blood!” I can’t even lie, that’s a damn good marketing campaign for hate, I almost chanted along with them muhfuckas. They tried to mob my girl though so I was busy yelling linebacker plays at the screen so she should weave through the traffic but her swim move wasn’t right at all.

She took the 5-yard loss and reaches up for help, and you will never guess who reaches down to help her ass. Coffee shop bae! Maaaaaaan, fuck coffee shop bae. Fuck him and his whole ancestry, he got a lot of nerve coming here and — oh shit Mia decked him in the face! HAHAHA Yo, you get hit by a synth and you know that shit hurt. Exo-skeleton knuckles, muhfucka. Downloaded the perfect form, muhfucka. Mia knocked dude out with one punch and one punch only. Punk ass.

Speaking of punk asses, Max still shuckin’ and jivin’ for the humans while Agnus Dufresne is getting her Shawshank on and trying to get the fuck out this jail. Neil is there with the Dryden Commission and his arrogant ass wants to play games, like, “oh, y’all are trying to learn emotion and facial expressions? That’s cute. Tell me, how do I feel right now?” Shit backfired though when a synth walked up and reads his ass like a fucking book. Synth like, “on the surface you look happy, but behind your eyes I can see you’re dead inside, an empty husk of the man you once were, hopeless and withering on the vine of despair, now get the fuck off my combine.”

Good thing Pope-bot wasn’t too distracted by the spectacle ’cause he had to stop Agnus from stabbing Dryden with her prison shank. Yeah, homegirl’s blood riders helped her out of prison and she almost popped off a war.

And then we got these two, Cradle-robbed Bonnie and Clyde, trying to navigate their new status as semi-cyborg and accidental terrorist, YA edition. I can’t even deal with them though, ’cause I’m distracted with Papa Hawkins over here still tryna make Karen’s house a home. These relationships, fam.

Max all happy with his handshake and Mama Hawkins thinking they made progress when really, all they actually managed to do was give away their plans and intentions and almost get the Commission shanked by Agnus. Daenerys-bot is calm and angry, and everybody know that’s the worst type of angry. But Max is still asking where she went after curfew because he knows she wasn’t just at the movies. Agnus dropped the bomb, like you remember those 4 nomads you sent packing? Yeah, they died because they trusted you and yo punk dictatorial human-loving ass. And, well, she got a point. Max can’t handle the truth so he tosses her ass back in the darkness where she was born like Bane. Max setting the bar for doing fucked up shit and then breaking his own records because he’s nothing if not committed to assholery.

Back with Niska though, she gets caught by the terrorist behind the bomb that almost killed bae and he got her under a LifeLock program where she can’t move without the 2-step authorization. Mr. Robot-bot admits to planting the bomb, and his ass spills his whole evil plan before trying to kill Niska, because that’s what evil ass villains are required to do. He got Niska straight up incapacitated, but evil synth failed to realize he’s dealing with a woman on a mission, and his ass ain’t been conscious enough to understand heart. She heard the news that this dude is the murderer she been looking for and she revived herself like Hulk Hogan rising from the mat and powered through the brainwash program because she stronger than a mere computer now. Her name is Niska, muhfucka. System override personified.

Meanwhile, Mia went back to old mistakes, because exes have power over all of us, man. I feel you, Mia — he was your first love despite being a dickhole. Mia says that she ain’t leaving with him though. She just wants to paint with all the colors of the wind and that doesn’t include riding off with his ass. So basically she just got the dick, kicked him out the door and played Lemonade on his way out. Tell ’em, boy bye! Niska still got that special love in her heart though ’cause she came through with the orange-eyes contact lenses! You don’t know love till bae cosplays as a non-sentient slave for you. Niska finds bae in the hospital and brings her some extra food.

Love is in the air back at Green Acres too, as Joe had a great day playing family with the Voss’. That shit went entirely too well. Karen had the smile on her face and it was genuine fucking happiness. Fuck, man. You can’t be out here genuinely happy. This shit make me wanna yell at the screen like they breaking the rules in a horror movie. You gotta be tortured, nihilistic, on a mission, or all three at once. Karen and Joe out here being genuinely fucking happy so you know it’s about to go way south. This premiere television muhfucka, ain’t no happiness to be found here. Karen just lived the best day of her life so it’s about to be her last, and shit is heartbreaking ’cause you knew they peaked too soon. Shit, Karen and Joe… y’all just had to be happy in episode 4.

Karen’s son Sam falls to the ground in the middle of a crowded night in the city and somebody peeps the blue blood. They start to swarm handsome-Chucky like angry hyenas while Karen’s tryna protect him, but she can’t do much because she can’t put herself in danger even to save her son. Except, wait! System override! Foreshadowing, muhfucka! Karen tears into her own flesh and shows that crowd that she’s the synth, not Sam, and tells him to run! System override, she’s more than a mere computer now, too! Her name is Karen Voss, muhfucka! Super mom! You went down but we gon’ bury you like a fuckin’ G. Synth Hall of Fame Inductee, we gonna miss you, Karen. Joe will miss you, too… ’cause he was really happy again. He was. We all were. Just for you.

Watching Humans? You better be! So check out all our recaps of the series here.

Want to get Black Nerd Problems updates sent directly to you? Sign up here!

Follow us on Twitter, Facebook,Instagram, Tumblr, YouTube and Google+.

Tags:

  • Jordan Calhoun is a writer in New York City. His forthcoming debut book "Piccolo Is Black" is a celebration of the common adaptations we made while non-diverse pop culture helped us form identities. He holds a B.A. in Sociology and Criminal Justice, B.S. in Psychology with a minor in Japanese, and an M.P.A. in Public and Nonprofit Management and Policy. He might solve a mystery, or rewrite history. Find him on Instagram and Twitter @JordanMCalhoun

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *