Faaaaaaaaam, listen. We all got that bad movie we’ve seen a hundred times. I keep hearing that quote that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. So, I of sound mind and body, somehow find myself watching The Wolverine whenever that shit hit my premium channels like I’m not going to be in full eye roll hard enough to give me a concussion by the time your boy bone claws the young samurai at the end. Let’s be clear, you can call it guilty pleasure. You can call it fan service or turning your brain off. But The Wolverine is a terrible film.
Shut up, it’s landfill. Nah, for real, shut your mouth, that shit is a dumpster fire. Oh, you want to argue, then I’m sorry, your sensibilities are in another castle. I am a fuckin’ The Wolverine expert now because I guarantee I’ve seen that shit more than you. Yes, all of this defies logic. I keep thinking that it will grow on me the more I watch it. Yeah, fungus, b. And yet, I’ve seen that shit about as much as my own child over the last few years. Is there some nuance to it? I dunno fam, I’ll let you know after my next 12 viewings.
ANYWAYS, I’d be remiss to not mention that your boy had a similar hype when the trailer dropped for The Wolverine as I currently do now, full lather, sweat dripping off my adamantium brow and something tells me that I should be giving you the cautiously optimistic, I’ve been hurt before spiel.
No, caution gonna have to take a seat and wait for it’s name to be called cuz it’s a busy night in the ER and my hype was here WAY (in my Freeway voice) EARLY. Yeah, yeah, take it or leave it, this the swan song for Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. Yeah, yeah, our beloved Patrick Stewart is supposedly ending his X-Men run with this movie. But you know what’s really good? What’s hood warning up in here? X-23 FINALLY IN SOME LIVE ACTION MURDA MUZIK?!?!
Yes, muthafucka, yes fam. We doing the Professional but in the Marvel Universe doe?!?! No Country for Old White Men when the tuning fork cloned gawd gets lose in these panel streets. X-23 COME THROUGH (is it asking too much to have X-23 doing a homage where she retracts the claws and whispers to Xavier “yes, it hurts. Every time.” Yeah, I’m definitely asking too much).
And we all the way R-rated. And we out here cutting off cybernetic arms. And we all Old Man Logan, looking like Battle world / Book of Eli / Into the Badlands environment. I know, I know, I trust Fox comic book movies to come through with any consistency the way I trust White comic book writers to not pimp Black pain from characters. But this? This shit right here my Weapon X. I’m in. I’m so in.