An Open Letter to The Killing Joke Movie: But For Reals Tho You Wet Trash

Brittany Williams:
Sooooo, I’m gonna just get right to it. The Killing Joke movie was trash, bruh. Straight, flaming, dumpster outside the 24-hour McDonald’s at 4am in the high heat of summer trash. Bourbon Street the morning after Mardis Gras: a hot garbage, piss, and vomit cocktail. We know. We watched it. That’s time in my life I’m never gonna get back. Bruce Tim owes you, me, Kevin Conroy, Tara Strong, and Mark Hamil an apology for this movie. It’s upsetting me and my homegirl cause if you can’t go to the DCAU, where the hell can you go? We can’t let this slide, beloved, so get ready to take these “L’s”.

*Spoilers galore*

*Sets timer*
*DEEP INHALE*

You worse than a hot ice cream sandwich.
You worse than an Iggy Azalea freestyle.
You worse than the costumes in Ninja Turtles 3.
You worse than a port-o-potty at the end of Coachella.
You worse than Sleepy Hollow Season 3.

You worse than watching your girl bang your dad.
You worse than ramen noodles cooked in hot dog water.
You worse than a bag full of potato chip crumbs.

*Voice booms in from the distance*
“New high score! You’ve unlocked the roasting daily double!”

Omar Holmon steps in for double damage
Omar Holmon steps in for double damage

[divider type=”space_thin”]
Omar: The Killing Joke was a Lifetime movie for meninist.
The Killing Joke was a lesson on feminism from the Insane Clown Posse.
The Killing Joke was filmed in a live studio dumpster.
The Killing Joke was a power point presentation on the correlation between trash and craisins.

The Killing Joke is a Batgirl story my fucking chucks,
this shit is what happens to a positive woman character deferred.
This shit is the feeling you have when you get 20 piece chicken nuggets but the cashier only gives you ONE sweet and sour sauce packet.

Screen Shot 2016-07-29 at 7.03.35 AM

I did not come here to watch Urban Nat Geo Bat on Bat action.
I did not come here to watch the kevlar on kevlar category on porn hub.
I did not come here to watch Batman and Batgirl get their
“NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA, what dat mouf do!?” on.

Brit: Your story weaker than wet tissue paper.
Your story got more holes than Kotori from X/1999.
Your story so holey the Catholic Church certified it to perform exorcisms.

Omar:I did not come here to see Bat Trojans get pulled out the utility belt.
I did not come here to see Batgirl get the mount then ground and pound Batman.
I did not come here to see Batgirl blowin’ up Batman’s phone and Batman not knowin’ what the fuck to do when that hotline bling cause it couldn’t only mean one thing.

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Brit: You the film version of a struggle meal.
You the cinematic manifestation of day one menstrual cramps.
You the celluloid representation of getting waterboarded with post-asparagus piss.

Brit: Watching this movie is the real reason the Avengers split.
Omar: Watching this movie is the aftertaste of kale chips and bleach.
Brit: Watching this movie is a violation of the Geneva Conventions.
Omar: Watching this movie is the aftertaste of orange juice after brushing your teeth.
Brit: Watching this movie is what killed the dinosaurs and the dodos.
Omar: Watching this movie is the aftertaste of male privilege going down on a shell station gas pump.

Brittany and Omar: Watching this movie is the 11th plague God was gonna set on the Egyptians but changed His mind cause Satan told Him “das tew much”.

K-O!
K-O!

*Time!*

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Tags:

  • Brittany N. Williams is a writer, actress, unimpressed Shakespearean Blerd, keeper of 90s theme songs, future Lord of the Fire Nation, and & New Orleanian by way of Baltimore, DC, Hong Kong, London, and NYC. Catch her laying waste to all challengers in Soul Calibur or slinging literary fire across the interwebs.

  • Show Comments

  • abc4pepper

    We’re ALL mad about it. .

  • TyQuan N.G. Carruth

    ????

  • Marcus

    It feels like a misogynist wrote a movie to try to appeal to a female audience.

    • dargo84

      This so much!

  • Ali

    Cant please everyone. Different that what i expected..but still great

  • Marvin

    It’s not a bad movie. Its just a different take on the Batman world. It seem pretty close to the graphic novel. Also it show side of both of them we do not get to see much of.

  • Saraquill

    I applaud your takedown of the movie.

  • anduinel

    This was beautiful. Hearts in my eyes beautiful.

  • Sha

    ???????? GO OFF

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