We’re back for season two of Stranger Things. It’s lookin’ all good in Hawkins, Indiana as Bill has been rescued and the band (Lucas, Dustin, Mike, and now Will) is back together again. We see the kids in an arcade playing some Dragon’s Lair and getting their asses handed to ’em by the game ’cause Dragon Lair is all about precision. You gotta be ready with the directional instruction given to you, you can’t just be out here inputting commands all hard with no gra — yo, where’d Will go?
Anybody seen where Will went off to? Ummmmm, fuck is up with the lighting looking like we’re in Marilyn Mason’s “Dope Show” video? Why’s it all Pleasantville gray out here? I know we in Indiana but what happened to all the colo — oh, there’s Will. Yo, Will what you staring at out there over the horri — WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT BIG ASS ROACH, MAN?! WHY THAT SHIT STARING AT YOU LIKE YOU OWE IT MONEY?
Man, they wylin’ out in Hawkins, Indiana. Fuck a whole lot of that shit. I’m not with it. I’m not. We got Will back in the right-side up world but this kid done fucked around and brought the upside down with ’em into our world? Will out here smelling like outside and fucking up the dimensional plane for the rest of us right now? Not cool, Will! We already knew something was happening to Will from last season, but this shit? He got a big ass roach? Locusts? The alien shit from Starship Troopers invading the 80s?! This dude went to the upside down and saw a fucked up version of the truth on some FMA Edward Elric shit and now everybody gotta pay? What part of the game is that, Will?
Joyce (Winona Ryder) still worrying about what’s happening to her boy post “where the upside down ends.” Chief Hopper is back scowling (so we know shit is really fucked up this time), plus it’s looking like some top-secret clandestine government shit is watching again monitoring whats happening. *clutches the Christmas lights* I can’t with this upside-down world colonizing the real world. I can’t, man. I’m not with the horror shit, my guy. I’m not built for that running around. I’d take my chances trying to lock that kaiju with the Coquina Clutch.
This shit is going down during Halloween too? Did you hear Mike Jackson’s “Thriller” playing over this shit? “Thriller” is the Kanye’s “Power” for Halloween. If you hear Mike Jack’s “Thriller” on a trailer and it’s Halloween? Somebody ain’t gonna make it. You already know shit is grimey ’cause Mike, Dustin, and Lucas are rocking Ghostbuster’s costumes and back on their Huffy BMX bikes pedaling their asses off. This ain’t spin class. Anytime we see them boys on the Huffy it’s ’cause shit done got real.
Listen, when your kid/ friend starts drawing pictures of monsters and lays ’em out on the floor to create one giant monster picture it’s time to strap up. Trust me. I did the same shit when I saw Batman vs Superman except I wasn’t drawing pictures of Doomsday, I was drawing pictures of trash that combined into one larger picture of trash, but never mind that. This isn’t about a rescue mission anymore, this shit is about surviving. Stranger Things 2 got everybody navigating in a circle with the rifles out and about. Personally, I say you throw Will’s ass back in the upside down and charge the rest to the game, but if we sticking this out together, then y’all gotta make that call.
Y’all gotta make that call to the hardest telekinetic in the game. Where’s our girls and dem at? Where the “leggo my fucking Eggo” monster at? Where Eleven at, yo?! You can’t a war without Eleven up in this piece. Eleven ain’t about to let some ‘roided up Starship Troopers bugs come up in the real world as if they run shit. If we going to war, if we ’bout to go toe-tag to toe-tag with these next world monsters then somebody better bring me the MVP Eleven. I was watching that trailer shouting, “I better see Eleven points on that scoreboard” before that buzzer. I better see the G.O.A.T. Deliver us, Eleven! Deliver us on October 27, 2017, Eleven! Where you at, girl?! Reach ya hand out through the ectoplasm if you hear me!