Westworld Recap: The Stray

***Spoilers be trapped in the hills after staring up into the stars***

Season: 1 / Episode: 3 / HBO

Maaaaaan, I want to root for the homie Bernard (cuz you know Jeffrey Wright and also…Black Folk), but this shit looking real cloak and dagger about sneaking D-Lo off for private chats. He also mentions his son again in the past tense so, that shit ain’t good. Back in Westworld, D-Lo catching them PTSD bars about the Man in Black assaulting her in the barn, something he done made part of his routine and shit. And then she remembers the heater in the drawer. The real joint, I assume.

Newcomer William out here walking in the thoroufare as he sees an outlaw being apprehended. But yo, these outlawss don’t be going down easy as dude throws the deputy out the gotdamn window then starts merking AYEBODY. Dude takes Clementine captive so William NOW feels compelled to step up. Shoot 6 dudes in cold blood and you a spectator sport. Snatch up the working girl with a heart of gold and now we got to pull the six shooter, huh? He takes one to the chest from the outlaw before returning fire and saving the damsel. Clementine tries to give him the rapid refund on his efforts, but he still refuses. His terrible (as we just learned) brother-in-law comes to congratulate him and take him off to do some terrible shit, but William done got the gunslinger jones in his blood and wants to go ride out with the posse for more outlaws.

Theresa runs up on Bernard like, “so where the fuck your chocolate ass been this morning?” Apparently the board has some concerns about the boss’ new narrative and hosts are still fucking up, so they need to get some shit figured out quickly. Bernard goes and sees Elsie in the lab cuz she been doing some research. She thinks the hosts are remembering shit from past narratives which again AIN’T SUPPOSED TO FUCKING HAPPEN YO. Why am I the only one greatly concerned that a very important part of the infrastructure is failing on multiple levels? Elsie is assigned to roll out with Ashley to track down a stray host all up in the hills where he ain’t supposed to be.

Teddy rolling with a newcomer as they come up on some outlaws and get this shit lit. Apparently, she been in the range before she got to Westworld cuz she lands three in this dudes chest right in the ten ring like Archer and shit. Teddy and ol girl roll up in the saloon, but Maeve REMEMBERS Teddy in the mass grave room when she was running through Skynet’s halls before. Oh, and ol girl is enjoying herself in all aspects of the park.

Teddy goes off with D-Lo up in the hills and D-Lo is like, yo, I feel like it’s time to bounce from this digitally created one horse town. But Teddy is like, yeah I know a place we could go and that sounds great, but my programming won’t allow it. He’s like someday I’ll take you and D-Lo is like, yeah, someday must be cowboy for “see you next lifetime.”

They finally ride back to D-Lo’s ranch and, yeah…we’ve seen this before. We know how this shit plays out. Teddy gonna be dead af and D-Lo gonna have a crime befall her that is ingrained in a culture a lot of dudes don’t think exists.

Doc Ford is reading Shakespeare and starts the quote “A coward dies a thousand deaths…” I was really hoping he was a Tupac fan and ended that with “a soldier dies but once.” But alas, we just gotta settle for Bill Shakes instead. Doc talking to Teddy and Teddy says his ambition is to one day have a life with D-Lo. Doc is like, um, Nah Fam. Your purpose is to keep D-Lo on the reservation and die horrible deaths when dudes want to have their way with her. Teddy really should’ve consulted his guidance counselor more. Doc is like, yeah, you boring as hell right now, so let me upgrade you.

Teddy got a arch-nemesis now, Wyatt, some dude he gonna have to reckon with. Good, cuz watching Teddy die a billion times over the next 10 episodes or so was running out of steam.

New form Teddy back in Westworld and runs some dudes up off of D-Lo’s corner. After that he takes her to shoot cuz Teddy just ain’t been enough to stop terrible shit from happening to her to this point anyway. But it seems that D-Lo got the adult filter on for pulling the trigger and can’t do it. Something tells me that shit gonna change. Sheriff rolls up on them talking about there’s some dude named Wyatt causing mad raucous in the plains. But Teddy is like…nah, I got this shit fam.

Seems like this crew in the hills got caught in the loop because the stray from the group is the only one allowed to chop wood. Dudes been out here not-starving for 2 days and shit. Elsie and Ashley see the carving the stray been doing and Elsie notices what looks like a map or a genome sketch or some futuristic album cover art in some of his pieces.

On the search for Wyatt, Teddy giving them the background on Wyatt and how dude turned heel and shit. They roll up on a tree where it looks like Wyatt done killed, mutilated, and roped up some dudes on a tree. Straight Texas Chainsaw Massacre type shit. But WAIT, these cowboys ain’t dead?!?! Nah, this shit is an ambush.Some of the newcomers is like NAH I AIN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS SHIT. But ol girl from early is like, nah, I live for this shit.

Doc and Bernard are talking in “private” which means surrounded by a lot of creepy ass relics from the park. Turns out the Arnold that the hosts been talking to was the “Clark” to Doc Ford’s “Lewis” back in the day. He might have installed some consciousness in these cats that they are recalling now.

And oh yeah, Arnold dead af by the way. Died on the park. Circumstances classified as mysterious. Funny that. Something tells me Doc got some more secrets hiding under the creepy ass heads behind his desks. Bernard is leaving and Doc is like, oh yeah…don’t end up like Arnold fam. I know you mourning your son’s death and that shit make a dude go to some dark places. I can’t tell if that was a some mentor-ly advice or if Doc just threatened our boy on the sly.

But wait, Bernard’s wife is Gina Torres?!?! Aaaaaaaahhhhh, everything is made better with more Torres! They doing the rich folks skype and remembering their son. The joy and (mostly) the pain of losing him.

It’s dark out and Elsie is feeling all that lemonade she must have drank earlier cuz she goes to squat on the other side of a rock formation. She finds the wanderer and calls Ashley over to try and get him out cuz it look like dude been trying to claw his way out for a while.

Teddy and the crew still hunting Wyatt and considering it’s dark out, what was a bad idea before seems like a terrible fucking idea now. They trying to get themselves in formation but the newcomer trips and alerts these Wyatt disciples. Wait, is these muthafuckas howling? What part of the amusement park game is this?!?! Dudes come out in the old west Purge masks and start WRECKING SHIT.

Who sheriff? Naw, impale that dude and take his head. One down. These dudes everywhere in the trees, the tall grass, behind rocks, all lookin’ like a cult out of Red Dead Redemption or some shit with the hatchets ready to carve up our folks. Teddy tells ol girl to run and YOU AIN’T GOT TO TELL ME TWICE FAM. Hey try to take some out, but dude gets mauled…but maybe not killed. Either way, Teddy got a long way back to the living, yo.

Ashley is going down into the pit to retrieve the stray cuz he hard headed and he ain’t really listened to Elsie since they been out here. Elsie goes to call Bernard, but Bernard left the burner in his room cuz he still doing more unwarranted conversations with D-Lo. Turns out Bernard is the one that allowed D-Lo to keep some memories and not MIB her before. He asks her if she rather be the version that she is now or the one that is safe and forgets things. D-Lo is like, nah, ain’t no other version, b. This is me yo, just trying to live my best artificial life. Bernard asks for the analysis that made her say that and she hit him with the “new operating system, who dis.”

Back in Westworld, D-Lo sees the riding party that Teddy was with and is like…yeah, I think your bae and everybody that look like him dead as a muthafucka, yo. She goes back to the ranch and here comes the loop where dad is merked out and the bandits are raiding her crib. D-Lo is seeing the splintered images of her old pops and this new muthafucka. Dude throws her in the barn to do the hate crime, but D-Lo seen this shit coming in a former update and put the six shooter in the hay. She struggles to pop off at first, but then she start seeing the Man in Black in this dudes place and that puts her over the top to put two shots in this dude’s neck. Naw, we ain’t doing the unsanctioned hay ride today fam.

She comess back to the house just in time to see her mom’s catch that rifle ride to heaven. Dude on the porch shoots her…but doesn’t? She sees that shit play out and then corrects by getting out of the way before he shoots her. Don’t know if she seeing the future or she just done this shit many times before like Seargent Vrataski in Edge of Tomorrow. She ride up out before any more carnage jumps off.

Ashley down in the pit with stray who’s supposed to be in sleep mode. He start sawing dudes head off to disable him, but like your favorite horror flick, stray gonna bring himself back on line and tell Ashley to get up out the paint with that soft ass saw shit. He hits Ashley with a two piece before climbing up out the pit and going towards Elsie out here pushing all the buttons like this shit was a square off between the Cyborgs in Injustice Gods Among Us. Well…that shit ain’t workin’ and dude is coming to collect Elsie’s fade with no prejudice for how the deed gets done. He lifts up a rock above Elsie and immediately Boyz II Men’s End of the Road start playing in the background. But instead of crushing Elsie like Piggie in Lord of the Flies, the stray decides to bash his own head in…with EXTREME PREJUDICE I might add. Problem…solved?

William and his Black hat brother-in-law out in the wild and Black hat is pissed. Apparently they paying $40K a day for this. FORTY G’S, YO? Yeah, I don’t approve of dude going all evil all the time, but I do need to do more than “Frontier campfire” for that much stack. They here some noise in the distance, but it’s D-Lo with her horse after escaping the house.

She fall out at the campfire in William’s arms staring at the sky like…yo, the Eastern Wind is coming fam.

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