Westworld Recap: Virtù e Fortuna

  • Season: 2 / Episode: 3 / HBO

    ***Spoilers stay making deals with the devil*** Check all of this season’s recaps rightchea

    Wait, cold open HBO? Ok. Ok.

    So where we at, Indiaworld or some mess? You can spot the guests here cuz…they white. Two rich wypipo (white people) at a table talking that hunting Bengal tigers talk. Well you knew what this was, so they go to the room to get their “living out your fantasy” on. Ol’ girl starts questioning if this dude with the abs is a guest or not, so she take him to the bedroom/armory.

    She like, the only way we know for sure is to test out these ballistics. Dude is like uh…so, I’m sure you think that’s a good idea but…

    She go ahead and hit (shoot) your boy with that Reuger, and he only takes a bruise instead of a trip to Valhalla. She’s like, well, you passed the test. I mean, listen: sex is great and all but…she ain’t that fine, yo.

    So after she done shot him to continue the jumpoff, I guess the go together now. They on the hunting expedition riding elephants and shit. They get to a tent but realize everybody ghost. And no, I don’t mean gone. Like literally ghosts cuz they fuckin’ dead, man. Straight up slaughter, blood on the linens type shit. Your boy think it’s a just a twist in the narrative until the narrative puts one in his damn chest. Yeah, violent delights and all that fam. Your girl grabs a sawed off (shotgun) right quick before putting down the host and running for her life.

    She in the woods and sees the great game itself. Muthafuckin’ Bengal tiger, my host. And now…this shit ain’t for play play. She outside the perimeter of the park but the red light ain’t stopping the tiger. Apex predator straight up followed her to the lake edge and took both of them to the next world. Damn! My anonymous woman who hunts mechanical animals for sport I hate it had to be you.

    Delos hit squad still trying to get answers and dragging Bernard’s useless ass along. They get to a checkpoint and these cats gonna be pulling bodies out of here for a while. Charlotte is there looking over the carnage but bottom line is…no Peter Abernathy yet. She asks Bernard if he’s had any luck, and we hit that flashback again.

    Once upon a time, him and Charlotte was out trekking the land looking for Peter. They hear some yelling over the ridge and see some host outlaws getting all sadistic with some guest hostages. Oh, and Abernathy too. Apparently, they was gonna sell folks off to the Confeds. Right before shit gets down right dangerous up in here, Charlotte starting yelling to distract these dudes.

    Host gonna run up on her diversion looking at her like a snack and shit. Bernard come through with a rock to the back of the dome, then mindjacks him while he’s non-operational. Bernard reprograms him to be Billie the Saint. He roll up on his old gang and guns them all down in like 10 seconds…including Abernathy. Bernard and Charlotte scoop him up for a second, ’til Abernathy goes, ya’ know, fuckin’ Abernathy. I mean, dude been crazy since we met him, and this shit no different.

    Confeds roll up on them and snatch Abernathy’s crazy ass. Charlotte ain’t trying to get snatched up, so she run and grab a horse to get the fuck up out, while Bernard gets taken hostage.

    D-Block and the Purge pull up to the fort and gotta witness all the dickwagging (ego stroking) from Colonel. Your boy go a 21 gun salute and shit just for him to walk out the gotdamn gates. D-Block like, what are we…what are even doing here? Finally, he comes out, and D-Block alerted him to the shit going down in the morning. Whole team fixin’ to come in and big smoke the whole damn army, so D-Block trying to get these dudes signed to death row.

    They offer up them automatics and use the dude they got the info from for a demonstration. Colonel shot the submachine and looked like he climaxed on himself. This is like giving cavemen some Segways. You gotta start folks off slower than this. Needless to say, that was their ticket into the fort. Teddy ain’t like this shit (but I mean, really, when has Teddy ever liked any of this shit). But D-Block is like, chilllll. I got this bae.

    Man, what the fuck they got Lee wearing, lmao. This muthafucka out here lookin’ like Huckleberry Finn. Like bad narrative farmer Jack. Lee look like he would asked you to look after his pregnant cow for two days while he walked to the market in town. IS THIS YOUR NARATIVE, LEE?!?!

    Lee is like, man, this shit is suicide, but Maeve done finished all her side quests and trying to beat this game tonight. They start across the creek and here come the Native folks. Maeve freeze up a bit cuz dude look like the man that was coming to kill her and her daughter back in the day. Hector tries to talk them down, but they want Lee in exchange for safe passage.

    Maeve gives them the stop sign voice commands, but they ain’t trying to hear that trap music and keep coming. Yeah, it’s time to get the fuck up outta here. They make it to an elevator, and the Native folks gotta be wondering what the fuck this Earth moving shit is.

    It’s late night at the fort and the Confeds bring in some prisoners. One of which is Abernathy, D-Block’s original Pappy. He goes to the infirmary, but she gonna look at Bernard and toss him in the jail? The fuck man?

    D-Block goes to see her dad, and he snap out of that crazy for a minute to recognize Delores. Shit is going good down memory lane until Abernathy’s record start scratching. Your boy was hitting the fader and trying to find the Getdown something serious.

    Maeve and the New Narratives are walking the tunnels trying to figure out where to go. Hector knows that old boy leading the Native folks knew her, and she ‘s like, yeah, that’s why we need to find my daughter and get the fuck out. Right about the time they start holding hands is when Lee has enough.

    He starts going off about how they aren’t supposed to be together and Maeve like, oh, so we can’t fuck anymore? Lee tried to prove that he knows who Hector is by reciting his lines. Yeah…jokes on that mofo though cuz Maeve puts it together that Lee basically created Hector to live out some power fantasy about the woman that left him.

    I’m sorry, it actually is quite sad.

    Bernard gets an audience with D-Block. D-Block acting real aggressive with Bernard considering she blew his real life model’s brains out. She brings him to Abernathy and asks if he can go Dr. House on him (fix him).

    Bernard is like, real talk though, what the fuck are you even trying to do Delores. She trying to just put numbers on the board and have her jersey put in the rafters yo. Then she drops this gem:

    Look us, who will never know death, fighting to survive. There is beauty in what we are.

    Maeve and the New Narratives still walking the tunnels when they hear some straight murder and mayhem up ahead and a flaming man come running down the hall. Like…he bout to be dead as fuck, no skin on them bones. Then DA GAWD ARMISTICE IS BACK…flamethrower included?!?! I say, gotdamn! Hector is like, bruh, she gotta dragon outchea.

    Armistice leads them out to where she’s got some hostages, namely Felix and Sylvester. Sylvester must have been talking too damn much cuz Armistice got him babysitting a cooked grenade. They assembling these too lovable idiots and bounce.

    Bernard doing the surgery on Abernathy, and he sees why he’s so sought after. Apparently, somebody intentionally fucked with his programming cuz they’re hiding some much bigger file in him. He warns D-Block that if she keeps him the folks looking for him will come for her too. She like, sheeeeeit. I woke up this morning wanting to kill some more guests.

    Charlotte rolls up on the squad and assembles her own Black ops. She out to try and retrieve Abernathy, and she ain’t fuckin’ around no more.

    They at the fort preparing for the invasion. Scouts are like, these mofos coming up from the ground in some motorized crap.

    Meanwhile, Bernard still working on the decryption and finally comes upon some secret that, of course, they ain’t tellin’ us yet.

    Well, the fight done started, and it’s a bloodbath…cuz of course it has to be. You got single shot rifles against submachine guns and dudes on four wheelers.

    Dudes come in and find Abernathy while Bernard is like fuck this and hides in the corner. D-Block signals the double cross, and the Purge straight up pull their support from the Confeds. At the same time, D-Block sees the black ops squad snatch Abernathy. She go out to take them out, taking rounds like the damn terminator, but they still get away.

    Confeds retreating but the Purge done locked them out of their own fort. Now, the Confeds getting shot from both sides bruh. Then, the clincher happens when the blow up the nitro and take AYEBODY (EVERYBODY) OUT. Bernard is like, WHY AM I STILL FUCKING HERE!?! Dude trying to leave but his whole right side ain’t really working. Clementine see him and knocks his ass out before dragging him off.

    The Major is pissed he got used and all his men are dead. But D-Block done told y’all that not everybody gonna make it. She gives Teddy the instruction to finish dude off. Major start talkin’ that slick talk about Teddy is working for a tyrant and Teddy like nah…well…okay maybe. And of course, he let’s the Major and his remaining soldiers go. D-Block watching the whole time like, gotdamnit Teddy!

    As we get to the end, we find out the damn Bengal Tiger hunter fuckin’ lived! Her ass washed up on shore…just to get captured by the Native folks. Welp.

    Maeve and the New Narratives still on the journey, but wherever they are, it’s colder than where they were. They come up on a campfire and think, maybe they’re friendly. But considering Lee just found a head in the snow…probably not. And you know that…cuz a fuckin’ samurai just ran up on Maeve.

    Cut to black. Hopefully that was the only thing that got cut. Woosaw. Woosaw.

    Want to get Black Nerd Problems updates sent directly to you? Sign up here!

    Follow us on Twitter, Facebook,Instagram, Tumblr, YouTube and Google+.

    Tags:

    • William is the Editor-In-Chief, leader of the Black Knights and father of the Avatar. With Korra's attitude, not the other one.

    • Show Comments

    • Evil Ninja (@EvilNinjaX24)

      I am 100% for samurai host shenanigans. For reasons. Meanwhile: “our boy was hitting the fader and trying to find the Getdown something serious.” DEAD

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    comment *

    • name *

    • email *

    • website *

    Copy link