Banshee Is Giving Us The True Detective 2nd Season We Deserved

“The Burden of Beauty” / Season 4 / Episode 2 / Cinemax

Back in the hardest city on Earth, we open up with a glimpse into three months ago and see Rebecca stumbling into the hospital looking like she’s cosplaying that pig’s blood scene from Carrie. She passes out asking for help, [FORESHADOWING]. In present day, we got the Banshee police busting up what looks to be a snuff mock-assault film of some sort. I don’t really know what’s happening but when Brock asks the girl (who’s being tied, by the way), how old she is and the director says, “Don’t answer that” I’m pretty sure those are the magic words for, “I’m doing some scumbag shit and should really be arrested.” Which is what happens, but not gracefully.

These guys make a break for it and we see Brock decking people in the face and Bunker putting the gun butt to one dude Pony Joe… wait, how does one even get that nickname? Officer Cruz put one dude in a fucking arm bar. You get yourself put in an arm bar in a fight? Let it go. You lost. There’s no use trying to get a shred of pride back.

The officers make it back to the station where Proctor is waiting (in Brock’s seat). Brock knows they’re just doing Proctor’s dirty work since Cruz always seems to get the anonymous tips on this shit. Proctor hits him with the Dame Dash “I made you” glare. Proctor all goin’ through the serial murder case files talkin’ ’bout he wants updates straight from Brock. Proctor really trying to be like Mayor Clarence Royce from The Wire. Hood stops by Carrie’s new estate mostly to apologize for walking away. Hood walking around lookin’ at the finishing and suggesting marble tops to offset the mahogany saying Job’s dead when Carrie gives him the “you just gon’ act like you ain’t turn ya back on ya mans and dem?” Hood then sees that Carrie got the fucking vision board set up for all the places Job could be.

Hood: You kept looking for him?
Carrie: The fuck yeah I kept fucking lookin’ for Job’s ass. He still has three of my scarves.

Carrie is so much better than me. I love, tolerate, like my friends a lot, but if they got snatched up by some rogue ghost special ops team… I know I’d have no idea where to start looking. I still get confused which direction to go when I come up from subway stations. They’d be fucked and they know it. That’s what being friends with me is like. Carrie finds out Deva went and saw Hood while he got his “7 years in Pennsylvania because Tibet was too far away” isolation on. Carrie keeps lookin’ at Hood with the “This guy… this fucking guy” face

Meanwhile over in Racist R’ Us, Calvin Bunker is in the office choppin’ and dealin’ that drug work when he sees Proctor’s car roll up on the floor. Calvin goes, “Fuck. Mother fuckeeeeeer” silently to himself AND. I. WAS. DYIIIIIIIN’. He knew he was gon’ catch some bullshit. He knew damn well he was gon’ catch a fist to the fucking face. He was walking toward Proctor while saying in his head, “Don’t punch me in the face. Don’t punch me in the face.”

Calvin: Proctor I wasn’t expecting you. My condolences on yo–
*Clay Burton punches Calvin in the stomach*
Calvin: Argh! *Thinks to himself, “least it wasn’t in the–*
*Clay Burton punches Calvin in the face while he’s doubled over*
Clay:… …. … … … …Yes.

If this was Macy’s then they just straight up punked Calvin on the sales floor. Seeing your boss get his ass beat by a guy that looks like he should be doing your taxes has got to set a weird level of morale in the office. Proctor telling Calvin, “I been letting you eat good, right? Sleep good, right? You running my shit, I let you keep running your shit… so what is this Calvin? *Drops porn DVDs* Word? You just–you just out here doing a porn side hustle? First of all, this barely legal shit is fucking gross and your cinematography is shit. So here’s whats happening you gon’ owe me an increase of 10 percent on ALL yo shit. *grabs Calvin’s tie and analyzes it*

Fuck this tie
Fuck this tie too while we’re at it

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Calvin out here losing bad, man. It’s the bottom of the ninth and he’s got his wife getting it in with Bunker on first, Redbones moving in on his territory on second, and his fucking weak ass amateur porn hustle shut down and critiqued on third.

Flashback to 3 months ago, Rebecca visits Hood and wants a favor. She cut out a side deal with a meth dealer named Aaron Bodecker (one-handed dude from last episode). Rebecca was branching out with him to start her own shit on the side (why would you even try to get guap on the side knowing the type of hater Proctor is?) but Bodecker broke their deal when he started dealing meth in Banshee. Rebecca needs to take care of it and she asking Hood for help, Hood looks at her… then back at the bottle of Jim Bean… then back at Rebecca… then back at the bottle… then at the spider he named Carol that’s been spinning a web in the upper left section of the cabin that reads, “Fix the fucking internet, Hood.” Then back at the bottle.

So needless to say Rebecca went up to Bodecker’s farm alone. Sun, she put a hot nick in one dude. Gets captured. Takes a good 6 jabs to the face, Irish whip to the wall, gun butt to the head and is still fucking fighting like she is Ryu in the 9th edition of Street Fighter facing off against Guile. All the while I’m like, yo Hood… you really not gon’ come in for the tag, homie? Rebecca is about to be fed to the dogs but she beats dude over the head with a lock and LITERALLY throws his ass to the dogs. Bodecker is oh shit-ing over this dude that died… guessing because it’s probably his kid (really shouldn’t hire family as henchmen) and Rebecca is LAUGHING, my dude! Bodecker comes after her with the 9 and Hood, who has apparently just finished making a fucking feta salad in the kitchen, steps in with a sickle and splits Bodecker’s hand with the blade right down the middle.

Screenshot 2016-04-12 23.53.25

Bodecker’s right hand is done and homie is gon’ have to get use to giving himself a stranger for life now. They’re making the great escape and Rebecca goes back to burn the meth lab down and Hood takes a shot in the shoulder. Isn’t that some shit man, that’s like when you help a friend move and pull a fucking hamstring.

In present day, Hood is waiting outside of a club to ask Rebecca’s ex some questions. Bunker is tailing him and you just feel so bad for this dude, man. Bunker is just following orders but it feels like he’s talking to Stone Cold Steve Austin. Brock arrives and he tells them his plan to go in and investigate. Brock says, nah we got this aaaaand the kid drops his guitar and runs upon seeing the cops and Hood scoops him up. He takes him to Sugar for the interrogation, and homie don’t wanna talk until Hood pulls the .44, fou(r)-fou(r), gun with “Keep talkin’ that shit” engraved on the side.

Screenshot 2016-04-12 23.54.10

He talks about everything going good with Rebecca until hooking her up with his uncle for the meth business, and she started getting paranoid once he dealt in Banshee and shit fell apart. Hood lets the kid go afterwards. Sugar sippin’ his drink sayin’, “You really doin’ the most for this girl Rebecca. Ain’t do shit for Job once he got snatched up, but I ain’t sayin’ nothing. But fuck me, right? What do I know? …you put gas in my car?”

Proctor meets with a dude named Emilio trying to get into the drug game. Seriously, no one is watching the Mayor’s activities, dude? Just out here meeting with drug dealers in broad daylight in big ass air field plane hangers? No one sees this? Okaaay, Proctor promises to get the homie 3 tons of drugs in pill form. Proctor wants to be the exclusive supplier. Meanwhile, the dudes that got arrested for the porn ring were let off by the DA (who is in Proctor’s pocket). Bunker watching these cats leave the court house sayin’, “Mmmm-mmmm I don’t like that shit. I’m bout to drop a dime on these muh fuckas.” We find out that dime is Carrie Hopewell.

Bunker been the one supplying her with marks, yo. He tells her how this cat out here drugging and sexually assaulting the women for these videos. This dude bunker left the file on this porn director and walked away like on some Mission: Impossible shit. The director immediately goes back to his ways again inviting these girls over, and before he can drug them Carrie shows up behind his ass. My man wakes up, tied up, with Carrie reenacting the freezer scene from Rocky where he was fucking up the meat bare handed. Then went with the downward stab to his junk talkin’ ’bout, “I’ll be watching you.”

Can we just note that she isn’t wearing a mask either? You know how many fucks you have to write off on your taxes to be doing this vigilante shit with no mask or nothing? That’s real shit right there. That’s no-fear-for-any-man-or-forged-weapon right there. That’s nothing to lose Twitter right there. That’s basically Carrie standing on the edge like Diddy in the “Victory” music video shoutin’, “WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW, HUH? WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW? IT’S ALL FUCKED UP NOW” before Pocahontas-jumping off a cliff’s edge.

Screenshot 2016-04-12 23.55.00

Hood tells Proctor the boyfriend was a dead end. Well not so subtly ’cause he’s like, “Ayo, you know she was fucking this cat? Nah you didn’t know she was bangin’ homie? You sure? Do the adjectives I’m using to describe the consensual sex they were having disturb you? Are we going to see you kill this guy at the end of the episode due to what I’m telling you now?” like digging that shit into Proctor and you know the ex’s GOT to die now. Proctor is all “that’s her business” (WHY YOU FUCKIN LYIIIIIN’ ‘BOUT YOUR BUTT HURT, KAI?) then gives Hood the murder file on Rebecca and he keeps goin’ over it. At the police station, we see that Hood’s blood matches the blood found in Rebecca’s car.

We see that three months ago Rebecca went to the hospital, got cleaned up, then stole shit to patch up Hood who was bleeding out in the back seat of her car. Bunker is like, “Man I don’t care what these tests say, Hood gotta have a good reason for having his blood all over Rebecca’s whip… who is now dead… Yeah… I’m stickin’ with that theory.” They decide to watch Hood’s movements instead of bringing him in.

Meanwhile Calvin Bunker, who has been getting PUUUUNKED the whole episode, starts plotting. The dude is tired of getting punched in the face, as well as the stomach. He’s saying fuck the Watts (the leader). Calvin talking that “I’m ’bout to make a power play” speech and I’m like, “But are you going to keep your actual 9-5 during this power play, oooor?”

Proctor shows ups at Rebecca’s ex’s venue. My man was just trying to pack up and go home and now he got to get merk’d out by Proctor with Clay lookin’ on with the Red Dragon, “Do you see… DO YOU SEE?!” face as Proctor fucking chokes dude out with a piano wire.

Screenshot 2016-04-12 23.55.48

I mean, there’s being a bit much about things, and then there’s killing a dude that’s been having relations consensually with your niece because you got some Game of Thrones inbreeding thing happening but I ain’t here to judge… out loud. Shit is cray out in Banshee right now, but things get even more “WHAT THE FUCK?” as we get taken down to the depths of a disclosed prison cell and see a dude layin’ butt naked with Oliver Twist-level chimney dust and grimey all over him…

Screenshot 2016-04-12 23.56.59

It’s Job! Job is alive and being held captive. Shit is ’bout to be liiiit!

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  • Omar Holmon is a content editor that is here to make .gifs, obscure references, and find the correlation between everything Black and Nerdy.

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  • Macho Man


  • Evil Ninja (@EvilNinjaX24)

    That Puff Daddy line killed me. 😀

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