Season: 1 / Episode: 3 / AMC
And you say Clipp City!!!
We start outside of the Widow’s Estate with her fountain lookin’ like bootleg Bellagio and these dudes all decked in Blue like the cats that were too square to get into the Crips. I ain’t even got in my seat comfortably yet and Baron Quinn done brought the whole gotdamn Clipper Force to the Widow’s front lawn. Quinn got one bar for these cats.
Fan out. // Kill’em all.
So there may not be guns in the Badlands, but they got the crossbows on fleek in this piece. Quinn kicks in the front door waving the Broad Sword. They all up in the Widow’s personal space, doing damage, fam. They in her movie theater, hatin’ on her muthafuckin movie, yo. While most of Widow’s Blue Shirts getting deli, half a pound, thinly sliced treatment, THE REAL FIGHTERS or the Widows daughters or the folks in blue with ovaries are ambushing cats and then vanishing back into smoke on some “we were never here shit.” All they left was some testosterone in red vests dripping down the staircase.
That’s it. And now, everytime someone has it in their mind that they should absolutely nail the fade to MK’s head, they have to treat him with kid gloves and keep letting him do stupid shit because of his ‘potential.’ Much like how we had to take off our shoes for over a decade because of one failed bombing, off the potential. Shoebomber, dude.
Finally we get some
white on white crime Baron on Baron action when Quinn finds The Widow. Widow aka Two Swords let’s her girls get to the escape while she confronts Quinn for the following exchange.
[quote_simple]Quinn: Nobody comes after my family.
Widow: We both know your family is trash. You son ain’t just trash he’s LANDFILL. If he dies, I’ll bill you for it. [/quote_simple]
Yo, we’ve seen Sunny in the rain and dealing with that hatchets at the warehouse, but this shit right here. This shit right here my Clippa? This was the best fight of this shit, BY FAR. The Widow out here lookin’ like Beatrice Kiddo in her prime (you know, Kill Bill Part 1). If the Widow don’t get in the next Dead or Alive game, then the video game industry is garbage.
Back at Quinn’s estate, whose house still looks like the Cobra symbol from GI Joe…
Sunny, yo. Sunny is tired of MK’s shit. He tryin to train MK, but MK [something, something, something shoebomber].
Jade giving Quinn the pillow talk and tells him that she knows who can save Ryder, even if the Baroness won’t like. And at this point, Quinn is like, fuck the Baroness. Well, not literally, because, well, why would Jade be here? But basically, she’ll get over it. Jade shows up in Veil Da Fictional Bae’s workshop. Jade trying to act like ain’t nothin’ changed, she still Jade from the Block. But just like me when J’Lo tried that shit, Veil lookin at her like…
Sunny takes MK to see Waldo and Waldo can tell that MK ain’t shit before even turning around to see him. Sunny tells MK that he was Waldo’s colt back in the day and then MK basically starts in on some passive ableism shit since Waldo is in a wheel chair. Sunny makes MK a deal that if he can land an attack on Waldo, while in the chair, then he’ll train him in whatever he wants. Now look fam, if you get challenged to fight a regent aka former slaughter house resident to land one blow on a dude in a wheel chair, maybe, just maybe, the sirens in your dome need to start sounding that defcon-2 shit. But not MK. Not brilliant ass MK. He’s like, aiight, I don’t like wheelchair ramps any damn way. Needless to say, things don’t go that well for MK.
WALDO GIVES MK ALL THE WORK INCLUDING HOLIDAY PAY, TAX FREE UNDER THE TABLE, TIME AND A HALF BANKED VACATION HOURS WORK. ASK YOUR SUPERVISOR TO WORK OVER TO MAKE UP FOR THAT TIME YOU HAD TO TAKE NANNA TO THE ER CUZ HER DIABETES WAS ACTIN’ UP, WORK. THAT YOU MIND IF I WORK ON CHRISTMAS BECAUSE I’M SAVING MY HOURS FOR TAKING THE REST OF 2015 OFF, WORK.
Veil walks up in Ryder’s room with Jade and Lydia is basically like, um, did you get lost Cog? Veil says they gotta drill into your boy’s head to relieve the swelling on his brain. So, you know how great your day is going compared to Lydia.
I guarantee you, that no matter how many flat tires you got today or what co-worker threw you under the bus at work, you probably didn’t listen to your husband have sex with a younger version of you next door while you sat by your dying son’s bedside and then followed that up by holding your dying son’s head while someone else drilled into it, causing blood and probably some brain matter to splatter up onto your face. What I’m sayin’ is…life ain’t that bad.
Quinn comes in after the surgery telling Veil that he’ll do anything in his power to find the people that murdered her parents…
Eventually Sunny makes his way back to the estate and runs into Veil. But why this shit look like Sunny is telling Veil “I thought I asked you to stay in the car!”
[quote_simple]Tilda: Hey there
MK: (turning around) Hey
Tilda: I need you sign for this delivery of the fade[/quote_simple]
Sunny busts in on Angelica, but Angelica ain’t some random prostitute. She’s a prostitute that knows how to THROW THESE HANDS. She giving Sunny Da Gawd all he can handle before jumping out the gotdamn window then climbing up to the next level in like 5 seconds. I really hope the actress Teressa Liane gets a phone call when they start casting for Jessica Drew aka Spider-Woman.
Sunny takes MK to Veil’s clinic to get stitched up and I had the same thought the actress did…
Umm. Why we bringing new people in to the safe space, Sunny? ? #IntotheBadlands
— Madeleine Mantock (@madeleinemgm) November 30, 2015
But because Veil is too pure for this world and Ryder is in fact still alive, Lydia standing in his room talking about one time when he was fuckin’ kidnapped for 73 days by nomads. So if you wanted a Ryder origin story, spoiler alert, this muthafucka BEEN a liability. Lydia apparently didn’t even get to the second verse earlier, cuz she back in the booth spitting that hard shit at Ryder now. She give him the realest One Hunned talk when she says he ain’t built for this shit. Which is all true. Fam, people in TV and movies gonna get their fill of telling the crazy, selfish bastards that they ain’t shit and making them feel like they gotta prove themselves. Nothing good gonna come from this.
Quinn summons Sunny and tells him that the other Barons out here asking for your boy’s blood cuz he took control of the Widow’s oil fields. Quinn needs to make an alliance and decides to send Sunny on a mission to make the connect since he’s got “history” with a certain regent. Of course, the Baron don’t give a fuck about Veil or Sunny or Veil and Sunny, he just trying to stay alive.
While Sunny goes to meet the regent Zephyr, THIS PUNK ASS MK sneak into this room and gets the book so he can take it to Veil. TWO TRESPASSES FAM.
Zephyr waiting in the field for Sunny and you can basically some up her whole tone by…
Tilda tells the Widow that she wasn’t able to get to Angelica in time AND that she didn’t retrieve the book that MK been breaking into houses for. Tilda really needs to get out of there and become her own mercenary. This working for mom shit ain’t cuttin’ it.
Veil just trying to enjoy a nice solo dinner before [shoebomber] comes up in the spot. He gives Veil the book, but the language is unfamiliar to her.