March Multimedia Multiverse Madness, Match 1: Eternal Sailor Moon v. Misty Knight

Entering the ring: Eternal Sailor Moon

Brittany: I’m sorry, I know y’all love Misty Knight (I do too) but there’s no way on any of the inner or outer planets that she’s beating Eternal Sailor Moon. We talking first day on the job but I destroy a monster with no training Sailor Moon? We talking my mans from two lifetimes was acting a whole ass so I sliced him in half with my family blade Sailor Moon? We talking resurrected the whole world, all my friends, AND myself before I got out of middle school Sailor Moon? Nah, that’s not how this goes down. I’m sorry YOU never saw Tsukino Usagi throw a punch, she’s more of a karate kick—excuse me, Sailor Moon Kick—to the face kinda girl. Oh, and in case you still had doubts, this isn’t anime, I-can-forgive-my-enemies Sailor Moon. This is manga, fuck-you-your-set-and-your-label Sailor Moon. Manga Sailor Moon wasn’t singing that forgiveness song. You get on her bad side, and you are moon dust. Just ask Tuxedo Mask, Metallia, Koan, Bertie, Petz, Calavares, Aquatici, Veneti, Demande, Wiseman, Eudial, Cyprine, Ptilol, Kaorinite, Germatoid, Pharoah 90, Mistress 9, Fisheye, Sailor Lead Crow, Sailor Phi, Sailor Chi, Chaos and countless youma, daimons, and whatever. Never mind, you can’t ask them because they’re all dead. Oops. I can understand underestimating a cute Japanese school girl in a sailor uniform. Lots of folks have. But guess whose face was the last thing they saw? Facing Misty Knight of Heroes for Hire

Omar: We got Harlem’s own Mi…