March Multimedia Multiverse Madness, Match 8: Lady Shiva vs. Ivy

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Next Match: Lady Shiva from DC Comics Universe

Lady Shiva
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Omar:Listen, Lady Shiva is the ‘92 Ryu with an attitude of DC Comics. Lemme tell you like Batgirl told me, “Her hobby is hunting down the best fighters in the world and beating them to death with her bare hands”. Ivy Valentine think she want that smoke? Listen, Ivy. Sweetie, you’re doing great in Soulcalibur but Lady Shiva ain’t come here for ring outs, she came to blow your spine out the hard way.

Ivy’s Sword/whip is a great weapon for close and for long range fighting but Shiva doesn’t need a weapon, she is the weapon. There isn’t a weapon Shiva hasn’t squared off against. The woman can dodge bullet fire so dodging a sword, a sword-whip, taxes and death is nothing. Especially when she has the ability to know the attack her opponent is going to do before they do it just by reading their body language. Even if struck, Shiva has mastered her body so well that she can deaden her nervous system to physical pain and control the rate of bleeding.

Ivy ain’t built for fighting in three dimensions either. She better keep that 2D shit on the console, homie. We’re talking best with the hands not best with the swordsmanship, bruh. Once Shiva neutralizes that weapon (and she will) then what Ivy got? How she goin escape Triangle Choke? How she goin escape an arm-bar? Ankle Lock? Kimura Lock? Scorpion Deathlock? Sheeeee noooot. Ivy against Lady Shiva is punching above her weight. She goin stop playing and start tapping out. Ain’t a “Do you wish to continue?” screen when Lady Shiva up in this mutha fucka.

Faces: Ivy from Soulcalibur

Brittany: So Ivy’s just a fancy sword, huh? She gets disarmed and it’s over, huh? Man, folks really trying to sleep on the busty bruiser. I know it’s tempting because Lady Shiva seems unbeatable but you really trying to count out the alchemist daughter of an undead pirate and chosen vessel for the evil ass Soul Edge? Das sad. Lady Shiva may be able to Chris Angel Mindfreak her way outta pain but Ivy lost her soul and STILL handed out ass whuppins like free samples at Costco. Just because YOU can’t beat your baby cousin with Ivy doesn’t mean Ivy can’t handle her business on her own. There’s a reason she’s so hard to master. You can’t make the sticks easy on tha gawd. Look what that’s done for Saitama.

You trying to beat the Snake Sword, that ain’t happening either. On top of having nearly unlimited reach and being a beast in close combat, Ivy built that shit herself. So even though it’s external, it might as well be part of her body. Just look at how she handles it when it’s in whip mode! I don’t know if you ever tried to fight somebody with a rolled up wet towel before but the shit ain’t easy. And she does all this without a single wardrobe malfunction.

How many of us can flip over somebody in an arm bar, sit on their back, dislocate their shoulder, and donkey kick them in their face all without either size H breast falling out of their fetish gear? If that ain’t the mark of a fucking gawd, I don’t know what is.

Check all of our matches in this year’s March Multimedia Multiverse Madness, and vote in our Twitter polls, following the hashtag #MarchMultimediaMultiverseMadness.

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