Mario Kart In Real Life? I’ll Believe It When I See The Items They Got

Everyone is excited about the Mario Kart inspired go-kart course opening up in New York, but I got a question. Where the items at? How am I supposed to know this is real unless I got items ready and available for me to distribute the Queen’s (any Queen of your choosing, I’m going with Dascha Polanco) justice. Now you may be saying, “Omar this real-life Mario Kart track is about living out childhood nostalgia. Being able to race through courses from a video game of our youth. Having some good spirited fun.”

Which sounds like a long-winded TV sitcom dad monologue to say, “There are no items” and if that’s the case, I want no parts of this. I’m out. Nah man I’m out. Yeah, I said it. Don’t you sit there and look at me like I’m the crazy one for wanting real life lightning on a real life Mario Kart track. If you’re out here saying Mario Kart is about fun and spending time with friends then you have forgotten the face of your father. Mario Kart wasn’t about fun, Mario Kart was about a family-friendly version of the purge on a race track Let’s not forget how each incarnation of the Mario Kart game to this day, still reveals the villain you truly are to yourself. I’m not here to romanticize a damn thing about Mario Kart. I still remember the face of my father. Mario Kart is a ruthless vile game of thrones cups and I expect the real life track to be the same. That being said, there better be a track for the kids and the folk that came for a good time and shit as a front for the word …