Season 2/ Episode 5 / The CW
And you say…Earth 2? We open up at the doppelganger STAR Labs of Earth 2 as this world’s Harrison Wells is about to unveil his latest invention, which is basically an Apple Watch that detects metahumans. Jay Garrick shows up uninvited as fuck to let everyone know Well’s particle accelerator is the reason metahumans even exist. Everyone is talkin that shit amongst themselves in the crowd as, Jay again tells Harrison to fess up to atone and work with him to stop Zoom.
Wells whispers to his daughter, “Watch how I flip this shit on him. Oh you want my help cause I’M THE BEST….TECH ENGINEER IN THE FUCKIN’ GAME right now. You’re the superhero tho, so do the job no one is paying you a god damn thing for and stop Zoom yourself.” Man, how you goin’ tell a hero workin’ pro bono out of his own good heart that they suck at their non benefits having ass job? Wells is fucking coooooold.
At Earth 1 STAR Labs Cisco and Caitlin meet Earth 2 Wells. They’re hesitant to trust them but he assures them, he isn’t Earth 1 Wells (who was actually Eobard Thawne). E2 Wells don’t give a fuuuuuck about the folks that got merked by “Wells 1.0”
Joe West: There’s a doppelganger of Wells here now. Shits Weird, you know what to do.
Iris: Alright, I’ll scratch the serial number off when I get back to the office.
Barry and Cisco run into Patti at Jitters. She overhears them talkin’ bout time travel and asks Barry if she wants to help fill out a police report about shooting a big ass shark that was about to eat Flash. Barry says, he can’t cause he’s got to science (or wash the smell of fish sticks off him). Cisco calls him out and tells him he’s got to go for it. When Barry asks Cisco when the last time he pulled a “return of the mack” and got a number. Cisco goes for the Cashier at Jitters (who we know is going to be Hawkgirl on Legends of Tommorow)
Cashier: How can I help you?
Cisco: Yeah I want some Coffee, nah-I don’t- What I do want, consensually gotta let that be known off the bat, isssss
Cisco: Cool. That is cool, I’m going to go over to that corner if it looks like I’m crying or having a vision or something, I’m not that’s just how I laugh on the inside. You enjoy your day.
Cisco then has another Vibe and spots this week’s breacher robbing a bank. He tells Barry who hurries over just in time to run into her. The thief manipulates light and must be a Smash Bros. fan as she got away from Barry using a Down + Smash attack.
Back at STAR Labs Wells informs everyone that they’re dealing with Dr. Light. A small time thief that got the power to channel light from Stars. Cisco is like, “ah shit that’s cool.” But Wells gotta be a jerk, “Actually hot since Stars burn at-” which got Cisco fed up, “You know Wells might’ve been evil and didn’t give us benefits”…
Jay Garrick storms in shoutin’, “Wells?! You dick!” Cisco noddin in the back like, “Told you so”. Caitlin brought Jay in and it confirmed that he knew this muh fucka Wells. Wells was just talkin’ that shit on Jay tho, “Oh. You’re alive? Thought you were dead. Cause your trash as a speedster. Look Barry go get Dr. Light then we’ll use her as bait to lure in Zoom.” Jay is not about this plan, “Yo, don’t do it. Yall ain’t ready for Zoom and Dr. Light is chill. She just about the bread she won’t hurt anyone.” Wells also finds out what Earth 1 “Wells” did to Cisco with the whole stabbing thing. My man straight up laaaaaaaaaaaghs in his face! E2 Wells is a straight asshole and so hilarious about it.
They track down Light at yet another bank. Barry is trying to reason with her on some chill shit. “Hey, lets turn the ALL OF THE LIGHTS down, you must be a big fan of that Kanye song right? Yeah? Cool. Cool. How bout we get you off of team Zoom? You can come get your jubilee on with us. Yeah, It’ll be great totally low key and anonymous.”
Luckily Iris stops by, has her freak out from seeing Wells, and talks to Barry about being fine with the whole mom situation before convincing him to still go on his date…by utilizing Cisco. Cisco gives Barry the Raybans and an ear piece. He directs him via the camera in the glasses. Barry better than me man, I can’t have any of my friends navigate me through a date where I am blind. They would just be MST3k’ing and color commentating on the entire evening. Cisco is a true wing man, he really kept it together during their date… mmmm for the most part, as Patti started to mention having a certain reputation with the men in her life
I dunno why she didn’t lick another shot to finish the job but Jay runs in and Dr. Light hits FOR THE THIRD TIME her signature Down + Smash attack to blow everyone back and escape. Barry and Patti’s second good night kiss (you know to make sure the first one really stuck) gets interrupted as they are both called to the scene. Linda is rather freaked out after having just seen her stylish doppelganger merk her Editor-In-Chief as she still had a piece she needed him to sign off on, which focused around the handling of diversity and representation in television ahhh it’s good to run. He’d be cool with it. Barry takes Light’s helmet back to Star Labs hoping it can track Dr. Light somehow.
At Star Labs, Jay apologizes as Light had never killed before (but apparently flipped over a van he was inside of a couple times) he wasn’t expecting that and WELLS GETS IN JAY’S FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE. He’s up in his grill talkin, “bout,
“You got mad excuses with your Just For Men hair coloring using ass Jay. You’re trash, a dude is dead now because you’re trash. You haven’t been running to find Zoom for 2 years you been hiding from him cause you shook on the starting line BOI! YOU AIN’T NO PHIL JACKSON OF THE SPEED FORCE! BARRY’S BETTER THAN YOU, YOU AIN’T EVEN FIT TO RUN ON A TREADMILL IN A PLANET FITNESS GYM ANYWHERE IN THE MULTIVERSE CAUSE NOT ONLY ARE YOU TRASH YOU’RE A STRAIGHT UP GREEK YOGURT EATIN COWARD.”
Cisco is back at Jitters and ordering from the cashier again, “I know this is probably awkward for you, even more so for me I just want the coffee. Not trying to be one of those dudes that can’t take no. I get it.” Then she hit Cisco with the, “You sure coffee is all you want?” He looked around for the cameras to make sure he wasn’t getting pranked before sayin, “You’re fucking with me right? and not in the cool I fucks with you way, because for the love of Jerry Lawson (look him up) coffee isn’t all I want.”
Let’s see if we can find out some next week.